To if your partner hit your child would you leave them?

[StarvedMagnolia]

What would you do if your partner hit your child? The first time? Would you leave them? Would it depend on what kind of "hitting" it was or what the circumstances are? Or the frequency?

It's a hypothetical situation for me but I always thought if my partner ever raised a hand against my or our child I would leave them irrespective of anything else. I'd feel as if I'm not protecting or standing up for my child otherwise. On the other hand I guess it's not that easy. (If it was a light smack and a one off it might be better for the kids to stay together?? Also, I've got no idea what the legal position is. Wouldn't the partner still have visiting / custody rights anyway or would any fork of violence always result in something like supervised visits only?) I don't think I could respect my partner if they were violent to my or our children.

I'm just wondering if I am being unreasonable. Every once in a while a thread crops up from an upset mum (I've only seen ones from mums) where they are devastated that they have hit their child and everyone tells them not to worry and to just move on. If my partner did that I don't think I could move on.

What do you think? Am I too extreme? Too sanctimonious to think that everyone (including me) can and should avoid being violent to their children?

Seriously @fUNNYfACE36 , you think carefully considering your appropriate measured response before you wallop a child is a good thing? You need to talk to someone.

How bizarre.

You reserve your 'deal breaker' for violence toward yourself, but it's ok for a child to experience the same violence?

What's so special about you, that you reckon your rights are more important than a child's?

Or is it just cowardice, hiding under the nasty facade of "not my job to police"?

If you misbehaved, & I gave you a warning, & you paid it no heed, would you be ok with me giving you a well deserved smacked bum?
No?
But it's ok to do that to a child? Your double standards are disgraceful.

Might I suggest that you expand your world?

I don't have any friends who hit children - & I have a lot of friends. That's not a boast - it's remarkably easy to do.

OK @fUNNYfACE36 - it;s unjustifiable.
You are absolutely right, & to prove it to you, please meet me in person this afternoon. I promise I will have my emotions under control, so that when I hit you, it will definitely be the measured response you recommend.

You'll be fine with that, won't you?
Oh - again with the "no"?
Thought so. I know your sort. You can dish it out all right - so long as your victim is small & defenseless - but you can't take it.

It is well known that single-parent families are also functioning family units.
& in most cases, way more functional than a unit that allows the adults to hit the children.

Nobody has the "right" to decide to hit a child.
They may have the power to.
Never the right.

And I'm not sure what point you are trying to make about fathers, as I don't actually give a fuck what sex the child-hitter is.

This thread is just awful. Minimising people's experiences, defending smacking a child by using words like 'tapping'..

The sooner it's illegal in the U.K. the better.

It's perfectly reasonable - and necessary - for there to be red lines and immovable boundaries when it comes to basics like child welfare. "No violence" seems like a good place to draw such a boundary.

If anyone hit my child, that would be the last time they saw us. And it's very likely that I would also call the police, since the person would have committed assault.

My child is a 6ft teenager with severe additional needs and very challenging behaviour. Despite being regularly grabbed, bitten, headbutted and punched my husband has never hit him. If in panic my husband did react by slapping or shoving him, I wouldn't leave him over it. Unless you live in this situation you wouldn't understand the stress, fear and risk involved. It is not comparable to dealing with that behaviour in a work situation.
Doing the same thing to a young child is a different.

Of course that’s what we’re talking about! If you ‘tapped’ the child they wouldn’t notice. You’re forcefully striking them. And if you thought it was justifiable and normal you wouldn’t have to minimise it.

Already illegal in Scotland.

I also picked up on the use of "tap". Clearly posters using it as means of justification aren't just tapping their children, as otherwise it wouldn't come into it. If someone asked me how I would respond to an adult hitting me, I wouldn't consider being tapped on the shoulder in my response. 🤔
To answer the OP YANBU. I wouldn't continue contact with anyone who hit my child.

Yes, I would.

The only problem would be if I left and it meant DH had time alone with our child where he could then abuse him without me knowing. So (speaking as a social worker, though I don't work in child protection) I would report him to social services to ensure there was a record of his physical abuse for the future.

If DH ever laid a finger on our child I wouldn't be able to touch him or look at him the same ever again. Our family would be broken irreparably. It would be the same if it were me. I can't imagine the kind of situation that would have to occur for either of us to physically assault our precious toddler we love so dearly. It's one of the biggest betrayals of a child's trust and respect you can imagine.

I tapped my two year old on the shoulder yesterday when he was looking at something in the distance to point out a pigeon that had flown and landed behind us, he bloody loves pigeons.

People who use the word 'tap' as a way to make assaulting their child sound more palatable make me feel physically sick. If it were a genuine tap then it wouldn't mean a thing to the child in terms of punishment or being dissuaded from anything. Clearly it's harder and designed to shock or hurt. Funny, the way people use words to try and justify abuse. Reminds me of a domestic abuser twisting things to make the victim lose belief in their own recollection of events.

Have you seen how cats give a warning tap? It is already illegal ti strike achild in a way which leaves a mark. How forcefully do you think you can smack anyone without leaving a mark?

If it was a smack on the bottom, I might forgive that. I was smacked as a child and it's something I feel strongly that I won't do and don't agree with. I've made that clear to my DH. I understand that my parents (dad mainly that I can remember) lost their temper, rather than did it as they thought it was a good form of discipline. I don't look back in anger when I think of my dear dad, who is no longer with us.

Every punishment hurts in some way, otherwise it wouldn't be a punishment

Smacking and hitting are the same thing. The word 'just' often appears before smack/smacked/smacking though. To lessen the offence. Smack = Hit

Cats also lick their arseholes and shit in my garden so I wouldn’t hold them up as parenting examples. They also swat at their young because (as animals) they don’t have as many ways of communication as we humans do.

A tap isn’t what is being talked about. If you genuinely tap your children as punishment (which wouldn’t even register) then you’re not what’s being talked about.

What a weird way to justify hitting your kids. We don’t even hit people to punish them for murder.

The dictionary defines 'tap' as a quick light blow

But murder is OK?

@Shakeitshakeitbaby sorry yes I just realised, of course it's already illegal in Scotland and Wales. I've got toddler brain today!

It should be illegal in England too, and all this bullshit about not wanting to 'nanny' parents it just that - bullshit.

You sound desperate.

It's not llegal. A friend of mine did this, they still get contact unless it's bruising and really beating the child or very serious abuse it would never be enough to stop contact. Smacking as punishment will not stop contact at all. This was recent too for a friend, it has to be very bad before judges don't grant any contact to a parent.

I don't agree with it and don't smack but its not illegal.

I meant a friend of mine who's partner at the time smacked the kids, noy her, the court and cafcass recommended contact for dad despite that as she didn't want the kids to go weekends because he used smacking as discipline , he got shared holidays and lots of contact as well.