I don’t know why. It’s a shame. Both sides of the coin, working mothers are criticised too. It is very unnecessary. Working mothers are met with comments about how they don’t put their children first. Stay at home mothers are met with falsely veiled concern for future divorces and criticism for being lazy.
I’ve done both working and non working parenting. Each is enjoyable and challenging and each comes with a whole lot of prejudice, assumptions and negativity from strangers who aren’t impacted by those choices.
I'm ashamed to say, it’s largely women who are so opinionated and judgemental on the subject. When I was working full time, studying for my PhD and had young children, my wonderful DH was a stay at home parent. This genuinely allowed for me to concentrate fully on my career during the week instead of needing to juggle young children, sickness bugs and nursery opening times. He got so much praise, I got so much criticism (aw why don’t you want to be with your babies?). I constantly got told how fortunate I was to have the children’s dad at home raising the children so I could go to work. I knew I was lucky. I still am lucky. But so is he!
Those children are teenagers now and the roles have reversed. I’ve recently become a stay at home mum after we had an oopsie daisy but much wanted later in life baby. I am now asked ‘aw what do you do all day?’ and told that I am so lucky to be a kept woman.
I likely will return to work in a different field of work, but I am really enjoying living off my hard earned money and enjoying my little girl. I love picking up the older children from school. I’m barely ever at home during the day, and I know my husband appreciates what I do because he’s been in this position before. Though he has not once been told how lucky he is to have someone at home like I always was. Me being home and doing everything (which I am loving), does allow for his business to flourish because he can commit himself fully to it. Just like I did for my PhD and training contracts when I was beginning my legal career.
He is now running his own company and when I meet clients and colleagues at functions, I’m always asked what I do. When I respond that I’m currently a stay at home parent, I get looks of pity, talked down to as though I am a delinquent that doesn’t have the capability to string a sentence together, let alone find a job. I love to play along and just fulfil their expectations now, it’s my newest hobby. Prior to this I’d always get pestered for free legal advice anyway, so talking about Peppa Pig and play dates is much more relaxing.
It is just a shame that women have to justify their decision, whether they work or don’t. There is no shame in either. Just before I left my job, one of my students (my role prior to having the baby was teaching law at university) was likely the most intelligent person I’ve ever come across in my life, he had many work offers abroad on the table. He graduated and is now a gardener and pool maintenance guy. He’s actually working for me for a while before moving on to New Zealand. He claims the reason why is that he just wants a stress free and happy life. Fair play.