To be mad at this birthday present for DS?

[JakeyRolling]

DS turned 4 today.

He's on the pathway for an autism diagnosis and has major sensory issues with his feet and, especially, his hands.

DF knows this and yet bought him slime for his birthday. Not only is it marked for 6+ but DS won't touch it - and if he did get any on his hands it would lead to a major meltdown.

It's not the first time DF had bought age/condition-inappropriate gifts - he got him Guess Who last year - for a child who is severely verbally delayed - and a drone at Christmas.

It all just feels a bit like he's buying for the grandchild he wishes he had rather than the one he's got.

DS is very bright and loves mechanical things/things he can build but DF ignores this when choosing gifts.

Having RTFT your anger comes from the fact that your father doesn’t quite seem to care for your sons. Not just the slime. But all of it. The messages etc.

There’s unfortunately nothing you can do to change this. Not just your son’s autism. But grandparents often have favourites even among NT kids.

*son, not sons!

YABU. Plenty of 4 year olds (including those with autism) LOVE slime and other sensory items. Plenty also love guessing games (Guess Who) and remote controlled toys. I would say your dad is buying age appropriate toys and many autistic dc love these toys.

Perhaps your Df thought you could go somewhere to fly the drone if you can’t do it in your back garden? It isn’t something he could use un supervised anyway.

Ponoka7 is quite right :
‘My sister used to do the same. You need to have a frank conversation with him. Some people don't quite believe the sensory issues and think that if they were pushed, they would get over them.’
sone if our family just don’t get it that our Grandson has delayed speech etc…. Not helpful!

Funny how you think 'pretty much every poster missed the point' rather than YA actually BU.

You sound incredibly hard to please. I can't imagine any of my kids' grandparents reaching your acceptable standards of grandson appreciation and gift giving, let alone the GFs!

I say that because they ARE missing the point. They hone in on the other two presents or make out like it's just a case of a present DS won't like.

I'm not talking about presents he doesn't like - we've had enough of them over the years and they just get put on a shelf and never played with or given away - but something that will cause an utter meltdown.

Frankly the only people who haven't missed the point are those with ND kids (some of whom have said IABU) and the poster who compared it to getting light up trainers while she was in a wheelchair.

I am capable of separating out those who are missing the point completely and those who get it and think IABU.

*cause an utter meltdown and DF KNOWS it will cause a meltdown due to sticking to DS's hands.

If you genuinely think he's buying something he absolutely knows will cause your son to have a meltdown then I don't understand why you have any contact with him.

Presumably though, he doesn't actually know that and is just a bit rubbish at presents?

Firstly, just due to your most recent comment, I get the point - I used to be an ASD specialist in a school.

But I still think you ABU and taking it a bit far now. If you KNOW 100% that your DF does things/buys things that he knows will cause your son an utter meltdown, then why do you subject your son to this man? Why do you accept any presents at all from him?

If you don't KNOW this 100% then you are being a little bratty. People have bought my kids tat/things they don't like/not age appropriate despite giving lists as per my previous comment but do I throw a hissy fit about it and be really ungrateful? No! And most of these actually come from my own DF who just doesn't really have a clue about what young children like these days or how impractical some of the things that look cool actually are.

Every ASD child is unique, will have unique triggers. Some may love slime, some may hate it. As for the drone - he may have thought you could use it in a park or beach. I don't live anywhere near the beach but I still buy my kids a bucket and spade.

Regift the items if you're that set on never using them - someone will be grateful for them. In future either don't accept gifts from people who purposefully cause your child meltdowns or, most likely scenario, just tell your DF that DS's likes and dislikes are very niche at the moment and he would really love a .........