To be mad at this birthday present for DS?

[JakeyRolling]

DS turned 4 today.

He's on the pathway for an autism diagnosis and has major sensory issues with his feet and, especially, his hands.

DF knows this and yet bought him slime for his birthday. Not only is it marked for 6+ but DS won't touch it - and if he did get any on his hands it would lead to a major meltdown.

It's not the first time DF had bought age/condition-inappropriate gifts - he got him Guess Who last year - for a child who is severely verbally delayed - and a drone at Christmas.

It all just feels a bit like he's buying for the grandchild he wishes he had rather than the one he's got.

DS is very bright and loves mechanical things/things he can build but DF ignores this when choosing gifts.

My kids when younger (both autistic) loved slime for sensory feedback. As another booster has said it was the marshmallow ones rather than the cold ones.

It depends on the type of sensory issues your son has.

Maybe the PIL should have run the gift idea by you first, but they are not unreasonable to buy it to try. It will either be a success and a new experience or it won't.

Perhaps DF just doesn't understand. You could gently make some better suggestions for him?

Or maybe they are not a Monday reader and have no real clue about what he will or won't like!

'Mind' obviously!

Yabu, mad because someone bought your son a gift. 🤡

My autistic son loves slime also, 6+ or not it's slime.
Your DF just obviously doesn't know what to get him op and is trying.
Slime has been the rage with kids for afew years now.

Just tell him what you want for him next time

I agree they’re not great presents but I don’t think he’s buying for ‘the grandchild he wishes he had’ at all; I think you’re reading way too much into it. A lot of people are just clueless about kids’ presents in general if it’s been a long time since they had kids of their own. My guess is that he just looked up ‘what are popular presents for kids’.

I didn’t know drones were banned in some areas, so he probably didn’t know either. I would suggest in future that he gives you some money to buy something next time and he just wraps it up and writes Love from Grandad on it. That’s what my parents used to do with my grandparents when I was a kid because although they were absolutely lovely and very kind they were useless at choosing appropriate stuff.

Give him a list of appropriate gifts next time. Or ask for cash. Or buy the gift yourself and get money off him.
I do these things to avoid repeatedly inappropriate gifts. Whilst it’s an additional chore for me complete ball ache it’s worth it to avoid the disappointment that came with every gift that wouldn’t be used.

It all just feels a bit like he's buying for the grandchild he wishes he had rather than the one he's got

It sounds more like a misunderstanding than this.
He might have thought "Guess Who" would help verbal communication.
He wouldn't necessarily connect sensory issues with not wanting to touch slime and probably didn't know about drone laws.
I think you will probably have to make a list of suggestions for appropriate gifts.

I think he's been googling to be honest. I tried it and slime comes up under "best toys for children with autism and sensory issues".

Grandparents are just like this sometimes. It’s not malicious, I wouldn’t think. We’ve had all sorts of totally inappropriate stuff.

Have you given him suggestions of things he should buy? That your son is interested in/likes?

The presents sound like something that would be suggested on a "what to buy a x yo boy" on here.

Talk to him again, tell him you're happy to give him ideas or if it's too difficult,money in a card also works. Otherwise, not only is he wasting his money, but the things he buys are actually unusable/distressing to your DS.

If nothing changes, accept he's a stubborn twat about it and has no interest and decide what to do then, and definitely don't try to spare his feelings if the gift was resold/regifted/given to charity/put in the bin.

I’m not sure I could get annoyed with getting the wrong presents from an elderly person unless they caused an extreme issue or were very expensive.
Pass it on to someone else.

Sure he meant well

maybe next time give him maybe an Amazon wish list to choose something

fwiw my friends child has autism but loves sensory stuff and always wants to play with slime at ours

tho know this is prob rare

He's 61, hardly elderly.

He knows about DS hating anything on his hands, but as a PP said I think he thinks DS should just "get over it".

I think you're being massively over sensitive and projecting. They don't know your kid like you know your kid. Grandparents the world over are frquently shit at buying presents for grandchildren because they are 50 years out of date. (Not all grandparents obviously, but my kids get spectacularly bad presents from their's, which are rarely age or interest appropriate.) I think you need to get over yourself and realise that just because your kid has additional needs the world doesn't revolve around them, anymore than it would it they were neurotypical. I'm sorry if that is really harsh, but you sound just like my friend, who thinks the world is out to get her when mostly people aren't thinking that much about her and are just being a bit thoughtless, because that's what people do sometimes.

I think it's best to view the gifts as well intended. The drone and guess who weren't great, but we've had similar misses from loving involved grandparents who are human and miss the mark sometimes.

I get frustrated at a house full of toys and tend to buy stuff they'll grow into, so I did similar and bought a friend's daughter that my daughter the same age would be just about able to do with the thought that they'd get some longevity out of it. Think it missed the mark though. Guess who might have been with a similar sum aim.

I think the slime might actually have been a very thoughtful present - as others have said, it's recommended as a gift for kids with sensory issues.

@JakeyRolling is you dad accepting and understanding of your DS's diagnosis? Or is he the type that thinks he'll grow out of it, can be cured with..,just needs a firm hand,just needs to try harder?

If it's the latter, it's not really about the presents is it? The presents are just the cherry on the shit cake of your dad not accepting your son for who and how he really is.

I don't think it sounds like buying for the Granchild he wished he had. I think it sounds more like that he just isn't aware of which toys are appropriate. A simple, aw that present you bought, DS doesn't play with it because of his sensory issues. He prefers x/y/z...do you by any chance have the receipt so I can exchange. By doing this your also letting him know for future what toys are more appropriate and next time there is an occasion coming up I would just mention.. oh by the way, just to say DS doesn't like X/Y/Z just saying so it doesn't sit not getting used- however he does like/need X/Y/Z.

Just start an Amazon wishlist for ds and suggest to your dad that he picks something from there in future.

It depends on the issues. Some kids are sensory seeking ,some are sensory avoidant.

Does GF fully understand DS’s issues? He may not and sees slime and thinks it’s fun. Doesn’t sound malicious just lack of understanding. Maybe gift voucher would be better so you can then spend it on what you know DS will enjoy

just because your kid has additional needs the world doesn't revolve around them

Fairly certain it's completely normal for a family's world to revolve around a child ON THEIR BIRTHDAY.

My sister always made lists for her two (before they were old enough to ask) which I hated and thought of as diktats but I'm starting to think she had the right idea

I'm a grandparent, I care for dgs twice a week, I still ask my dd to tell me what she wants me to buy him for birthdays and Christmas because despite spending lots of time with him I don't know what's available these days, what he hasn't already got or what his mother woudn't want him to have. I do buy him small gifts outside occasions but they tend to be more of what he already has that he brings with him so jigsaws, orchard toys games, playmobil, dinosaur figures. I don't think your df is extraordinary or doing anything to deliberately annoy you.

He refuses to buy online.

Me too.

sorry OP, I think your anger is wrong.