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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 30/04/2022 23:37

Absentmindedwoman · 30/04/2022 17:02

ALSO asparagus creates vile spunk! Not sure if it effects women but would make sense if it had a similar effect.

It certainly makes urine smell like ammonia. It really is horrible.

Serialcatmum · 30/04/2022 23:40

Oh god. This is nightmare fuel. I’m so pleased you told him you don’t wish to see him and why. What a fucking weirdo.

Im not sure how fresh/ strong/ weak anyone is straight after sex! It’s probably condom or his own jizz that tasted strong.

Next guy. See ya.

mathanxiety · 30/04/2022 23:42

Big red flag.

If you want your self esteem ruined, stick with this guy.

mathanxiety · 30/04/2022 23:44

Yes, it was a put down, a power play.

SlightlyJaded · 30/04/2022 23:45

At least you know your instincts were 100 spot on OP. He's an abusive fuck. It was definitely negging and because you called him on it, his smokescreen fell away in an instant.

Well done for getting it right. Onwards!

TheBigPeach · 30/04/2022 23:50

I would put that email into a special folder just in case he did take it further and you need proof.

i think you had a lucky escape and you were great to trust your gut feeling, well done.

Organictangerine · 30/04/2022 23:51

Omg!

pixie5121 · 30/04/2022 23:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/04/2022 23:56

Skipped ahead to see if you told him to fuck off, happy you did! Oral after penetrative sex, and he was surprised you didn't taste like a spring meadow? Whoever ends up stuck with this prince has my sympathies.

WheelofLife · 30/04/2022 23:59

263 guesses and only 48.47 accuracy. I was barking up the wrong tree for a while!

WheelofLife · 01/05/2022 00:00

WheelofLife · 30/04/2022 23:59

263 guesses and only 48.47 accuracy. I was barking up the wrong tree for a while!

Sorry! Meant for Redactle thread 😱

Anon778833 · 01/05/2022 00:05

I think your gut was telling you that this man did not have good intentions. To me, it sounds a lot like negging.

He waits until you’re in a vulnerable and highly intimate situation and then he puts you down.

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 01/05/2022 00:11

keratoms · 30/04/2022 23:23

What does that mean? You taste quite strong, of what?

Butterscotch Angel Delight.

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 01/05/2022 00:12

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 17:48

The reason we only slept together yesterday for the first time after 7 weeks of dating is because we attended an STI clinic together and were waiting for results (which incidentally were both negative) however he could have been seeing anyone else in the meantime so I did plan to use condoms just got carried away and we didn't in the end so I'm an idiot.

Timeline of events for those that are interested;

Went for dinner at 9 shared a bottle of wine.

Came back to my place around 11pm and had sex almost immediately on the couch. It was nice but quick I didn't orgasm he did.
I cleaned myself up afterwards as we didn't use a condom.

Brushed teeth had a cuddle went to sleep.

Woke up at 2am and started to fool around again. I'm sure there was some leakage from the sex earlier but despite that at this point he gave me oral sex (which he was very good at and I finished). Almost immediately afterwards he popped his head up and said the comment about drinking more water.

I think he was hoping to get oral sex back but I was pissed off at that stage so he didn't get it. Both fell back asleep. I made breakfast but told him I had family coming over early so he left at 9am.

He tried texting throughout the day and eventually I told him I didn't want to see him again.

You don't owe anyone an explanation about using condoms or not. Your body, your choice.

Clumsyvolcano · 01/05/2022 00:13

Here’s me not realising people gave oral after PIV. It wouldn’t even enter my head because of the possible remnants of semen/sweat 🤮

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 01/05/2022 00:13

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 18:10

He just sent me this..... this is gaslighty right?

"Please don't throw away what we have over a stupid comment which I honestly don't even remember saying. If I said it I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you, you came so hard last night we have amazing chemistry I think you are just scared of getting close to someone so you're picking fault where there is none. I'm a good guy. Just let me come over and make you come like that again, I'll make it up to you and you'll forget all about the comment that I supposedly said"

Now he's denying that he said it? Like wtaf.
BLOCKED.

Oh no. no no no no no.

RiverSkater · 01/05/2022 00:28

@Limebazil
I'm shocked at that email. I hope you are ok and not too shaken.

You have strong boundaries and excellent tosser radar, I salute you!

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 01/05/2022 00:40

RiverSkater · 01/05/2022 00:28

@Limebazil
I'm shocked at that email. I hope you are ok and not too shaken.

You have strong boundaries and excellent tosser radar, I salute you!

I've also just caught up. Vile.

TruthHertz · 01/05/2022 00:43

I think any woman would be mortified but I'm not sure it's abusive. I've previously told partners to brush their teeth before morning sex and also had one where I insisted on him washing his bell end as he was uncircumcised and it tended to get a bit of an aroma despite him being generally a very clean person.

TruthHertz · 01/05/2022 00:44

Oh, read the email. He's defo a pretty vile bloke by the sounds of it.

myeyesneverstoprolling · 01/05/2022 00:45

WTF475878237NC · 30/04/2022 20:06

I see those later comments as back tracking when you've dug yourself a hole. Like I said I appreciate you have seen red flags. I'm just saying the original comment, though badly timed, seems honest to me. To him, you taste very strong. That was how he genuinely felt.

I'm afraid you got it mixed up. It's him that's doing the backtracking and the gaslighting.

chaosmaker · 01/05/2022 00:48

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 17:08

Five days before (everyday for five days) for each of us not just pineapple lots of acidic fruit in general. My husband loves my directness and never had any complaints from previous relationships either. I’ve never had sex with anyone I can’t talk directly with about what we both want, showering before and after, bodily smells, breath etc. Maybe I’m not the norm though after reading this thread!

I think it's an age thing maybe, I've always been really direct and don't understand people who aren't. That way everyone knows where they stand and there are no expectations. I think people are far too sensitive and don't take constructive advice well/think it's an attack on them. Just look at all the threads where someone jumps in and takes everything personally for absolutely no reason!!!!!

bumblefeline · 01/05/2022 00:56

This reply has been deleted

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Babyroobs · 01/05/2022 01:00

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I'm just waiting for it to pop up in the daily Mail !

ldontWanna · 01/05/2022 01:00

The guys has proved he's a twat, so the conversation is moot really.

The other issue is that none of us where there so we can't fully grasp the timing, the tone, his body language etc. To OP it all added up to a red flag , and turns out she was right.

I don't know why we insist on telling women that what they see as a red flag or a crossing of boundaries, it actually isn't. Normally if they have to ask there's an issue there. It's not a personal attack on anyone else's life or preferences. It doesn't matter if you also do it, or your husband ,or that amazing bloke you dated 15 years ago and still think about him, or your mother's best friend's sister's dog walker. What matters is that to OP (and I'm talking in general here ,not just this one) it didn't feel right or it set off alarm bells.

Better safe than sorry, and if you're not sure or you don't know then the answer to "should I see/date/marry /move in with him and so on" should be no.