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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Icecreamandapplepie · 30/04/2022 22:11

@Giraffesandbottom

I didn't mean to upset you. I do agree that there are many decent men about, this thread just didn't seem the place to persist in trying to make a case about that.

You seem a decent person, and so am I (I promise!) so let's just leave it there.

Op, we are all pleased to see a woman follow their instincts in this case.

Treacletoots · 30/04/2022 22:11

Wow. Well done OP for spotting a massive ass hat and not taking any of his shit.

If only more women would recognise this sort of behaviour as abusive and react accordingly we'd probably have a lot less threads currently running in relationships about how they're being treated like shit.

I once had someone request I shaved off all my pubic hair before we met up. He was quite polite but I thought it was quite the overreach before we'd even had sex to tell me to do that it put me right off him. 🙄the entitlement / misogyny is still strong, sadly.

Icecreamandapplepie · 30/04/2022 22:11

I have overused the word decent there!

Honeyroar · 30/04/2022 22:12

Obviously don’t reply, but don’t you just want to email “I dumped you because I sensed you weren’t a very nice guy - and here you are proving me right!”

lemmein · 30/04/2022 22:12

Honestly OP, I've been impressed by your posts. You saw right through him, and despite those trying to convince you he's just a poor little man, with a silly little man brain that can't help but blurt out inappropriate shit, you've stood firm and been proved right!

I don't care what anybody says, no one would be fine hearing comments like that after the first shag....nobody! Fuck, it would sting coming from a LTP, but someone you've just started dating? Nah, bullshit. I think I can be quite a hard faced cow but I think even I would feel a tad paranoid hearing that - well done to you for not giving his words any credence and recognising him for what he is.

I sincerely hope my DDs are as savvy as you.

lemmein · 30/04/2022 22:13

what happened to good manners from all ? heaven forbid people respecting each other.

Aw god, you again!

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 22:14

Harshmug · 30/04/2022 22:02

Indeed. MN is either full of bullies or is similar to other message boards where merailing is frowned upon. Maybe a bit of both 😉

Show quote history

Admittedly I’m new to mumsnet so I’m not aware of the meaning of the word ‘merailing’. It certainly wasn’t my intention to upset or offend anyone. However, it seems that some of you on here feel it is acceptable to bully, berate, belittle and try and hound a person out of a thread. I hope mumsnet administrators pick up on this bullying behavior.

beastlyslumber · 30/04/2022 22:17

If I knew I already didn’t drink much water then someone gave me oral sex and commented on the taste. I’d be taking that comment on board and doing something about it.

And then you'd find yourself in a relationship with an angry, controlling, abusive arsehole, wouldn't you? And having no confidence to leave because of how disgusting he's made you believe you are.

Justkidding55 · 30/04/2022 22:17

This reply has been deleted

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ldontWanna · 30/04/2022 22:18

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Except it was never about how OP smelled.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 22:18

No, you are an adult @Fit50 act like one, you are not being being bullied, you are being disagreed with. Urgh

JollyWilloughby · 30/04/2022 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 22:19

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How to say ‘I can’t read’ without saying it

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 22:20

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

🤣

CoraPearl · 30/04/2022 22:20

Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who commented on how sometimes I tasted different. I rolled my eyes at him and said of course I do, it’s to do with my hormone levels and time of the month. I find myself thinking of this after I read the OP - some men haven’t a clue about women’s bodies and how they work. Even though I knew that boyfriend was an idiot, it still made me paranoid even though I know my body was perfectly fine. We broke up shortly afterwards.

What does he even mean that you taste a ‘bit strong’ anyway? Some men are under the belief that women’s vaginal secretions should have no taste whatsoever which is simply ludicrous, as is the suggestion you need to drink more water to alleviate the issue. Not only is there no issue (other than this man being rude), water will only affect your urine, not your vagina’s secretions.

His mansplaining would be more than enough to walk away.

WeAreTheHeroes · 30/04/2022 22:21

OP - you were quite right to refuse to see him again and block him. His response where he said you were scared of letting someone get close to you was gaslighting shit. You've had unprotected sex with though so please look after yourself.

lemmein · 30/04/2022 22:21

Except it was never about how OP smelled.

@idontwanna

Please stop interrupting the misogyny with facts! 😠

Justkidding55 · 30/04/2022 22:22

Tasted then. Regardless. One rule for men another for women..
I hope you stick up for men who have the piss taken about the size of their penis too..
honestly what’s wrong with saying sorry but this really isn’t pleasant for me? In a woman we would be saying well done. Man says it.. red flags waving..

BBCONEANDTWO · 30/04/2022 22:22

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 21:15

I recieved this email from him. He's an absolute prick. Can you block emails? Is there a way to do that?

You did the right thing he's a nut job. Regarding his original comments OMG the cheeky disgusting w@nker - seriously. How dare he. That might be something you'd say to your partner after you've been together a while if you hadn't had a wash or something.

I hope you don't live near him and can avoid him - I can imagine him trying to give you a bit of hassle if he sees you.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/04/2022 22:23

some men haven’t a clue about women’s bodies and how they work.

And some women as well tbh.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 22:23

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 22:18

No, you are an adult @Fit50 act like one, you are not being being bullied, you are being disagreed with. Urgh

I’m not bothered about being disagreed with that’s life we all choose how we live our lives. I honestly thought I was offering an insight into how I would have handled it at the time trying to reassure the OP that imo it’s it something to take personally. However, some of you are so bullying and judgmental when somebody has a different opinion than your own! Shocking!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2022 22:25

Justkidding55 · 30/04/2022 22:22

Tasted then. Regardless. One rule for men another for women..
I hope you stick up for men who have the piss taken about the size of their penis too..
honestly what’s wrong with saying sorry but this really isn’t pleasant for me? In a woman we would be saying well done. Man says it.. red flags waving..

Are you up to date with OP's posts?

The man went from critiquing her vagina to then saying he loved it to then calling her a cunt and criticising other bits of her body too.

So her gut instinct about him was very much right in this occasion.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 22:25

Justkidding55 · 30/04/2022 22:22

Tasted then. Regardless. One rule for men another for women..
I hope you stick up for men who have the piss taken about the size of their penis too..
honestly what’s wrong with saying sorry but this really isn’t pleasant for me? In a woman we would be saying well done. Man says it.. red flags waving..

How desperate can you be to explain this away, fucking bizarre:

Apricote · 30/04/2022 22:26

@Fit50 I appreciate you're feeling upset but if you're going to be on AIBU you might need to toughen up a little. I would come off this thread now if I were you, it's not doing you or OP any good.

ldontWanna · 30/04/2022 22:27

Justkidding55 · 30/04/2022 22:22

Tasted then. Regardless. One rule for men another for women..
I hope you stick up for men who have the piss taken about the size of their penis too..
honestly what’s wrong with saying sorry but this really isn’t pleasant for me? In a woman we would be saying well done. Man says it.. red flags waving..

Have you read OP's comments? The bloke ended up with calling her a cunt. I bet you'll have some excuse for that too.Confused