Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

[Limebazil]

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

@Giraffesandbottom

I am not at all surprised you have been in an abusive relationship when you say comments to the OP such as “why do you think he wants to make out you’re crazy?”. Also being “surprised” things have escalated.

You have no awareness of possible red flags, either that or you really just don’t like a strong woman.

Totally and utterly inappropriate for him to say that to you after your first time together. If it were me, I'd give it at least a good few dates to say something and I'd spend a great deal of time figuring out how to word it so as not to hurt you.

I have a feeling your nether regions aren't strong tasting and in fact, he just can't deal with normal female taste. Never heard of water changing the taste of someones vagina. A vagina tastes like a vagina after all, it's not suppose to taste like ice cream, flowers or whatever else he has been led to believe.

Plus even bigger red flag that he is now denying he said it and is pleading with you to come over, he sounds like a sociopath. Just block him, indulging in conversation with him is only going to give him power.

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie

is that serious? I’ve already said in one post that OP was correct in her intuition if he has called her a Cunt. It’s completely unacceptable and he’s a terrible human being! There’s no need for the patronising final line in your post to me

Nothing hornier than cracking open a tin of del monte pineapple rings before you go upstairs

Fresh is best 🍍

@Fit50

Yes this thread is not about you. Now as you were…. 🍍.

@JollyWilloughby

i escaped the abusive relationship and I’m now very happily married. I’m just aware from my brothers and other (good) men in my life that sometimes men can just be being clueless/a bit stupid. I like to try to see the best in people. On MN that’s something to be ridiculed, clearly. There are several ways to interpret things. I wasn’t actually when the comment was made so didn’t get the tone etc either. I’m not going to be bullied into changing my mind that the initial comment was fine within the context given (no problem with assertive women, im one myself 😊)

Honestly why all the haters? I offered an opinion early on in this thread and have been belittled, made fun of and berated! Of course after the emails from this guy calling the OP what he did I agree she did the right thing but why all the hating on me?

@Giraffesandbottom

Men have been getting away with far too much over the years in my opinion….. “sorry im just a silly bloke and don’t think before I speak” . Well guess what? I’m not buying it but you crack on.

I like to give the benefit of the doubt but not when it comes to sexual shame on the very first encounter. I am afraid that’s a one strike and you’re out scenario and I hope to god my daughter grows up to think the same.

'Well considering he just emailed me calling me a "c@#t" I think this guy is actually is a villain.'

He emailed you after you blocked him!?
And this is all in the early stages of dating? Oh wow, lucky escape girl!

You do seem rather obsessed about being belittled. And berated.
As others have said, this thread isn't about you.

Please report this to the police, even though it's small (in the grand scheme of abuse) if he knows where you live/ work, I'd just be vigilant for the next few days. Not trying to scare you but this is quite an aggressive reaction when all you've done is ended a very early relationship.

Maybe OP is at a stage of her life(or always was) where she isn't bothered by niceties. That's not a bad thing at all, especially when it comes to dating.

I suppose I thought I was giving an opinion at the beginning of this post and I’m beginning to realise that Mumsnet is full of bullies!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Your instincts are spot on IMO and his gaslighting message afterwards proves it.

I would have been tempted to point out that it was himself he was tasting given the sex beforehand and that nobody had ever said such a thing to you before so you hope he doesn't mind you suggesting that he revises his own water intake and throws in some pineapple for good measure.

It worries me that he’s getting quite aggressive and knows where you live.

yes you should be able to block emails, have a look at your settings.

but at the same time, would you agree that @Fit50 they still have a valid point. what happened to good manners from people ?

How on earth did he get your email address? Wow what a nasty piece of work

Indeed. MN is either full of bullies or is similar to other message boards where merailing is frowned upon. Maybe a bit of both 😉

His email! Holy shit.
Well... his email certainly lets you know exactly who he is.
Good riddance!

what happened to good manners from all ? heaven forbid people respecting each other.

Email is horrific. Cant imagine how I'd feel after reading that knowing I'd just had sex with him. You were bang on the money OP, your instincts served you well and I'm so happy for your lucky escape. I think we can now agree rhat the 'taste' comment was his first attempt at controlling you. Classic negging. 'You taste strong...but I love the taste of you' translates to 'nobody else will like your strong taste' in my opinion.

So funny how many women on this thread would believe the guy immediately and be gobbling down pineapple and drinking gallons of water to please him believing that something is wrong with their body when I'm reality the guy could just be lying to make you more submissive or trying take you down a peg.

If I knew I already didn’t drink much water then someone gave me oral sex and commented on the taste. I’d be taking that comment on board and doing something about it.

Saying that though, the email he sent bloody hell?? What an actual loser. Can’t even believe I was defending him😕