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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
JollyWilloughby · 30/04/2022 21:17

@Giraffesandbottom

Said from someone who clearly has no awareness about how quickly things can escalate with men who don’t get their own way.

Doesn’t usually take too long to throw the dummy out the pram once they realise they are really not going to get their own way. You only have to read this thread to gauge how many women would have fallen for his lies and then it most certainly would have been an abusive drip… drip….drip.

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 21:18

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 20:56

Once I tried to end the relationship suddenly I tasted like Hagen Daas.... he was begging and begging me to let him go down on me again. Why if I tasted so awful to begin with?

he didn’t say you tasted awful. He said you had a strong taste.
If you had actually had sex beforehand you could have just said “lol that’s your own sperm”.

maybe you do have a strong taste?

this is just another AIBU where the poster doesn’t think they are BU so it’s pointless. I’m also getting pretty tired of men being picked apart and turned into villains when they don’t deserve it. At worst he’s been a thoughtless tit. You’re painting him as some sort of monster because he’s hurt your feelings (whatever you say to the contrary).

So you're defending a man who has insulted, backpedaled, and gaslighted OP??

You might want to read more..

whynotwhatknot · 30/04/2022 21:18

Charming

FatFucker · 30/04/2022 21:20

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 16:15

I think you'd have to be crazy to ever see him again.

This with bells on.

The relationship bar on mumsnet is very low. Please don't listen to any other advice!

Scianel · 30/04/2022 21:21

@Limebazil tbh I'd be starting to consider reporting him to the police, that is one nasty email.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 21:21

‘So funny how many women on this thread would believe the guy immediately and be gobbling down pineapple’.

IMO I divulged to you an insight into my own life and how I manage oral sex within my own sexual relationship. The terminology you use above is belittling to me and I feel you have completely made fun of me along with many others.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/04/2022 21:22

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 21:15

I recieved this email from him. He's an absolute prick. Can you block emails? Is there a way to do that?

I'd be messaging back saying this is unacceptable and a form of harassment should it continue. I had a guy do this once, threatened him with going to the police and he never contacted me again.
I'm glad you listened to your gut on him.

pixie5121 · 30/04/2022 21:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 30/04/2022 21:23

Very informative thread 🤔

Adds pineapples onto tomorrows Click & Collect 🍍🍍🍍

Onwards22 · 30/04/2022 21:23

I once had a few dates with a man who when we later returned to his flat had a broken bath tub in his living room. I booked an uber and left immediately.

This would not bother me at all.
There’s a million reasons why he may have had a bathtub in his living room, none of which would reflect badly in him as a person.

OP everyone has their own bars.

For me saying something negative whilst we’re being intimate is a definite no from me as I want to be made to feel good and not self conscious.
However as you can see, some women are happy to have negative things said about them at that time.

I do remember one guy I was sleeping with acted like he knew everything about women’s bodies.
He didn’t say anything negative but it was things like suggesting what hair removal products I could use or trying to work out my ovulation dates and speaking in depth about female g-spots etc.
I thought at first he was trying to sound understanding or on my page but it turned out he was actually just a dick who thought he was Gods gift to women and he knew more about my body than I do.

JollyWilloughby · 30/04/2022 21:24

@Giraffesandbottom

Do you not like self assured women? Is that your problem?

Icecreamandapplepie · 30/04/2022 21:24

@Giraffesandbottom
You asked 'why would he be trying to make you think you're crazy?'

Count yourself lucky you have to ask this. The fact you have asked males you ignorant, sadly, to what is going on here.

It is something alot of us have personally experienced and so we can spot the signs a mile off.

The op hasn't drip fed but kept us updated to new events.

It's you that can't seem to change your mind here, not her. You're prepared to say anything to show your opinion is correct!

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 21:26

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 20:58

Trying to make me think I'm crazy by denying something that he had previously acknowledged? Is that not exactly what gaslighting is

YOU are inferring that he is doing this somehow on purpose to make you think you are crazy. Why would he be trying to make you think you’re crazy?!

he probably just realised he’s upset you and wants to pretend he didn’t say it. It’s stupid yes but it’s not evil or whatever. I think you’ve massively overreacted

You forgot to say that he's massively desperate and pathetic, because he won't leave her alone.

Luckymummytoone · 30/04/2022 21:28

Wow what a lucky escape!

colouringindoors · 30/04/2022 21:29

posters saying yabu or over sensitive clearly have not RTFT and seen that toxic gaslighting text.

Your instincts were spot on OP.

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 21:30

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 21:15

I recieved this email from him. He's an absolute prick. Can you block emails? Is there a way to do that?

There should be a way. Also you can report him for harassment.

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 30/04/2022 21:30

Yeah sounds like a right dick tbf

Just reply - I find it weird these STI tests never pick up on my genital herpes problem. It's strange 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

Hahahahhaa

FatFucker · 30/04/2022 21:31

Oh dear god, just read the whole thread.

He's insane! You were right!

And a very interesting insight into the mumnset mentality. All those blaming your diet and drinking habits! Unbelievable!

Catcrazy83 · 30/04/2022 21:31

Lucky escape! Very common tactic with insecure men. To chip away at you, I’ve gotta say though, they aren’t normally that brazen so early on. You can send his emails straight to junk op

mcmooberry · 30/04/2022 21:32

So much for being one of the good ones!! He has proved to be exactly what you thought he was. Sorry you had to cross his path.

runnerblade95 · 30/04/2022 21:34

It's more the fact that he was so blasé commenting in a negative way about my body the first time we slept together. Its kind of given me a weird feeling about him to the point that I don't want to talk to him today.

This.

Wouldn’t be seeing this man again if I were you. How dare he make such a personal and negative comment about a woman’s genitals that he has slept with only once and is not in any kind of relationship with her?

Get rid of him. Because that blasé attitude you speak of? Later turns to arrogance. Which later turns into gaslighting. Controlling what you wear, where you go, dare I say, what products you choose to wash your nether regions with.

Get. Rid.

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 21:34

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie

I just find it weird that OP didn’t mention the STI check until someone pointed out unprotected sex, or that he had finished in her which would account for the taste, until people suggested it could be the taste.

people jumping on me for having a different opinion is very hypocritical. I think it’s totally fine to have your own standards etc I’m just surprised that things have gone this way, given that they started in what seemed a fairly innocuous manner.

I've been in a pretty abusive relationship with plenty of controlling and gaslighting, thanks. But people on MN make their own assumptions as always if you don’t agree with the majority.

my comments re OP come from some of the comments she has made about people not agreeing with her (on a thread that’s here to ask for opinions) and I agree she has picked on another poster’s sexual behaviour too (as have many other posters)

katrizia127 · 30/04/2022 21:36

This thread has absolutely sent me! It's unbelievable the nonsense some women will apparently tolerate from a guy they hardly know. It's the first time sleeping with him and he comes out with that? Right in the bin!

Can we no longer differentiate taste from smell? Such deep concern with her pee as well!

Fit50, you aren't the main character in this story. Feel free to exit the thread and enjoy your pineapple in peace if you feel a type of way.

katrizia127 · 30/04/2022 21:41

Limebazil, I had a guy I was talking to get weird with me and after I blocked him he had his friends call me. I got loads of calls from random numbers and finally connected it to him when one of the numbers was from a business he worked closely with. These "nice guys" are definitely out there! Does he know where you work? He might keep trying to contact you.

Icecreamandapplepie · 30/04/2022 21:41

@Giraffesandbottom

Don't you agree then, especially if you've experienced such behaviours youself, that putting how this man has behaved with op's updates, that perhaps there are one or two red flags there now, even if you disagreed with the initial conclusion after his sex comment?

Because other posters have defo changed their opinions after reading the whole thread!

And it's good to support each other isn't it? When it's that apparent. Because we don't want to see anyone else in an abusive situation, do we?