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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 20:31

Honeymint · 30/04/2022 20:17

@Limebazil My DH made a comment similar to this the first time we were together. I hadn’t really planned for anything to happen so soon and he asked me if I’d consider shaving more down there 🤦‍♀️
(I actually had a wax booked in but I suppose he wasn’t to know that at the time)

I couldn’t help taking offence to it, I wasn’t sure whether to count it as a red flag at the time.
As it turns out, he was just trying to have an open dialogue in the bedroom and is a perfectly lovely guy.

I think if you feel this guy is alright otherwise, then I’d talk it over with him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Being able to be open and honest with each other about these sorts of things is important afterall!
But if you’re getting bad vibes off him then go with your gut, nobody likes to be made to feel ashamed.

Wow, he’s lucky you gave him the benefit of the doubt!

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:32

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 18:35

Also if you don’t appreciate another point of view why did you post in AIBU?

@Fit50

i also like your style!

Well to be fair.. He did eat his own cum dumplings too.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 20:33

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:32

Well to be fair.. He did eat his own cum dumplings too.

Show quote history

He’d prefer ‘pearls of delight’ I’m sure 😂

beastlyslumber · 30/04/2022 20:33

Massive red flag. Throw this one back, OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 20:36

Thank fuck you're smart enough to block this man and to ignore the posters who say there's no red flags here. Red flags all over the place.

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:37

whumpthereitis · 30/04/2022 18:38

I don’t actually think he’s necessarily done anything wrong here. Imo it depends on level of comfort you have with someone, and how blasé you are about such topics. Personally I wouldn’t be offended (I’d prefer I was told than not), and I’m also the type that would say something in much the same way he did because I’d assume (possibly wrongly) that it would be taken in the spirit intended. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong in being offended though, because you have your own level of comfort.

It may not have occurred to him at all that you were feeling vulnerable.

But how do you explain the backpedaling and gaslighting?

OC- you should drink more water. You taste strong.
BP- You taste great.
GL- I don't remember saying that but if I did I'm sorry.
🤷‍♀️

IsabelaMadrigal · 30/04/2022 20:39

My DH made a comment similar to this the first time we were together. I hadn’t really planned for anything to happen so soon and he asked me if I’d consider shaving more down there
Sounds to me like your husband watches too much porn. Women are supposed to have pubic hair. It stops bacteria etc entering the vagina. Until 20 years ago no one shaved.
Your husband is only a great guy in your opinion. To me he certainly doesn't sound great.

Bitterwounds · 30/04/2022 20:40

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 16:16

I’m an ex healthcare professional and I might have even advised a partner with strong smelling odor to go to the GP and get their kidney function checked too! I even insist my husband eats a lot of pineapple before I will schedule in oral sex! If it was me I would find this man’s openness endearing. Buy a couple of pineapples to eat together and make a joke about it.

I 2nd this comment. There's a definite taste difference between men with a healthy diet & hydration to those without. It must be the same for us women. I hope it wasn't said nastily because that's not ok. If it was said nicely it shows care - as long as he can take the same comments too.

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 20:41

Another thread where gaslighting is misused.

maybe he’s not an evil genius gaslighting. Maybe he is upset you’re upset and likes you and is trying, stupidly, to delete his mistake 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 20:42

Initially I thought maybe I was being oversensitive then when over 70% agreed with me and people made some really valid points about not feeling safe with him I knew I was right to trust my instincts and end it. And lucky I did because then the lying and gaslighting started.

So funny how many women on this thread would believe the guy immediately and be gobbling down pineapple and drinking gallons of water to please him believing that something is wrong with their body when I'm reality the guy could just be lying to make you more submissive or trying take you down a peg.

Once I tried to end the relationship suddenly I tasted like Hagen Daas.... he was begging and begging me to let him go down on me again. Why if I tasted so awful to begin with?

OP posts:
Bitterwounds · 30/04/2022 20:43

Cum dumplings? Hmm Grin pmsl

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:43

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 18:49

I was in a relationship with a guy before I got married. He had just been through a messy divorce and during our first physical encounter he had impotence issues and an intense headache. He blamed it on the condom but I refused to go any further without using one and I suggested he might have high blood pressure and needed to get it checked. He did. As it turns out he had dangerously high blood pressure which would have leaded to kidney failure had it not been treated. We continued dating for a while after but we didn’t have chemistry and in honesty he didn’t like my directness so we parted ways. It’s just bodies and I just don’t understand if you can have sex with someone why can’t you also talk to them directly? OP this sort of open guy is not for you but his honesty will be a suitable match for others. Why all the hate and judgement?

Problem here is that the guy backpedaled and said that she tastes great in one text. Then in another text he gaslights her by saying he doesn't "remember" saying that.

There's no ignoring the red flags.

Chikapu · 30/04/2022 20:44

I'm starting to think a lot of people on this thread can't actually read or have some kind of comprehension problem 😬

yourestandingonmyneck · 30/04/2022 20:44

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:49

@pedropony76 Yeah honestly I'd have preferred he said nothing and just either not gave me oral sex again or stopped seeing me if it bothered him that much.

Giving out unsolicited medical advice on a woman's body the first time you have a sex is a dealbreaker for me. I agree with the posters above I won't ever feel safe with him.

He was trying to organise a date for tonight but told him the truth about why i don't want to see him again.
He has text back saying he didn't mean it please don't let this be the end because of a stupid comment. "I love the way you taste I'm just an idiot" but nah I'm done

That is sad, as he does sound genuinely regretful and may just be an idiot.

But I would say you have done the right thing. Especially the fact that you were honest and upfront about it.

XxX

whumpthereitis · 30/04/2022 20:44

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:37

But how do you explain the backpedaling and gaslighting?

OC- you should drink more water. You taste strong.
BP- You taste great.
GL- I don't remember saying that but if I did I'm sorry.
🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I didn’t read on as far as that 😬

Yeah that’s not great. He should have just taken ownership of what she said, not tried to backtrack and lie.

Cascais · 30/04/2022 20:45

What do your friends say?

Scianel · 30/04/2022 20:46

What I want to know is why was it just him that came during round 1? Why didn't he sort you out then as well?

Side issue i guess but... hmm.

Ridingoutthewaves · 30/04/2022 20:46

I’d be a bit weary, agree with you comments about your body this early on are a bit too much. Only guys I know who have said things like that have been controlling arseholes. He did back track and apologise which goes in his favour. Watch out for any more comments like that though.

yourestandingonmyneck · 30/04/2022 20:47

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:56

And the fact that now suddenly he "loves the way I taste" just because I'm refusing to see him again. I feel like it wasn't just a "helpful comment" from him it felt at the time like he wanted to take me down a peg.... like that's how it felt to me. Like a put down.

Definitely made the right decision then.

Chikapu · 30/04/2022 20:48

Cascais · 30/04/2022 20:45

What do your friends say?

You think she should let her friends go down on her so they can form an opinion on how she tastes? That's interesting.

myeyesneverstoprolling · 30/04/2022 20:50

Cascais · 30/04/2022 18:57

I think you have overreacted

Right.. Because we all deserve a man who insults, backpedals, and gaslights🙄

Ridingoutthewaves · 30/04/2022 20:51

just seen his response you did the right thing, block and move on.

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 20:52

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 20:42

Initially I thought maybe I was being oversensitive then when over 70% agreed with me and people made some really valid points about not feeling safe with him I knew I was right to trust my instincts and end it. And lucky I did because then the lying and gaslighting started.

So funny how many women on this thread would believe the guy immediately and be gobbling down pineapple and drinking gallons of water to please him believing that something is wrong with their body when I'm reality the guy could just be lying to make you more submissive or trying take you down a peg.

Once I tried to end the relationship suddenly I tasted like Hagen Daas.... he was begging and begging me to let him go down on me again. Why if I tasted so awful to begin with?

You asked for opinions. We gave you them. You now feel it is okay to berate and belittle those of us with opinions you do not agree with. You live your life in a certain way. Other people live their lives in a very different way from yours. If you ask for opinions you will get different points of view. Try not to judge and belittle those of us who imo have replied to your OP with honesty and integrity.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 30/04/2022 20:52

You have every right to ditch him or whatever

I just don't know why you even asked on AIBU because you appear to be of the view he's terrible and you are going to end it

Original poster
Limebazil · 30/04/2022 20:55

@Giraffesandbottom he's trying to "delete his mistake" by denying my reality? Trying to make me think I'm crazy by denying something that he had previously acknowledged? Is that not exactly what gaslighting is ?

OP posts: