Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

[Limebazil]

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

There's no more trust there. I'm happy to see that you know your worth and that you deserve better.

OP only you would ever know how it made you feel and from what I’ve read you’re “feeling” unsafe.

listen to the instinct it won’t be wrong. Also if you are (and I presume) clean with no infection then the problem lies with him and not with you. Same for men, my husbands clean but he sure doesn’t taste like ice cream. What the fuck did he expect?

He tried to shame you and it looks like he’s failed. All this honesty shite, you aren’t a married couple it was your FIRST sexual encounter.

get rid my love! And quickly.

While I do think it wasnt the most sensitive thing to say I also feel that you sound a little bit anxious about your body which is a shame really.

Would it go down better with you if he didnt add the "you should drink more water" comment? I sounds like you are upset about the unwelcomed advice /which is understandable, I hate people giving out advice/ rather than stating the fact about the taste.

I would be grateful that it’s been brought to my attention so I can see if there’s a problem / drink more water but would be too mortified to ever see him again. I hope it doesn’t put you off oral for life, OP.

You're going to feel paranoid and uneasy around him going forward so best to end it now. I would feel the same as you.

My husband is……! 🍍 🍍

Right, because telling a woman she tastes strong while she's got her legs spread apart is such a turn on🙄

Remember that he literally ejaculated in her a few hours prior. There is nothing wrong with OP's taste and he was just rude. Nothing to be grateful for.

i got told once that i was to "wet" i was stunned 😊

@SeedyBloomer

Amazing the amount of women on this thread who would just believe anything a man ever told them. Men can lie you know, particularly ones who aren’t all that fussed on giving out pleasure and only receiving it.

If it happened to me I just wouldn’t believe the prick. I am clean, never had any complaints before so if he didn’t wanna lick my clit I sure as hell would find someone who did.

This is one of those times when I’m so grateful I’m never going to have to sleep with another man. It sounds like a nightmare out there these days.

I don't know if drinking water would lessen the smell of vaginal secretions.

It would dilute urine as that's where it goes out.

Some women's are natural stronger than others, but if OP's had no complaints before I think he's probably just a prat.

And some men are just scuzzy bellends.

Ah, of course if you've had sex before it, it will taste stronger as it'llve got warm. And if you'd not used condoms (unwise) he'd also be tasting himself.

Also from Mumsnet: commenting on a woman’s vaginale odour after the very first sexual encounter is probably not a good idea if you ever want to go there again…

I’m not saying you should never ever say
anything in that situation, I’m just saying that if this is your first rodeo then it’s at best tactless, at worst negging 🤷🏾‍♀️

I love everything about this comment.
I was never one bit concerned about the way I taste or smell.

I think you were spot on, OP.

Sorry OP, but I haven't got the energy to read the whole thread, especially as it soon became clear that you only want answers from people that agree with you, or you will get defensive and sarcastic.

So I just came here to say that everyone's pee should be the colour of pale straw - no sniffing needed. So if it isn't, drink water until it is, but it also shouldn't be completely clear.

Also, as at least one person queried this before I gave up reading this thread, there will almost certainly be some pee seepage down below unless you have gone straight from a thorough genital wash, to having oral sex, and that goes for men and women equally.

One more related piece of information, is that any and all of our secretions, are affected by how much water we drink. All our cells are mainly made up of water, and therefore our bodies need plenty of water for all of our interconnecting/exchanging bodily functions to work at their maximum efficiency, and for our maximum benefit.

Well done for getting rid of him OP, especially after the added gaslighting.

Just how do you even know that she smells of old pee??

I don't normally get literal but. They're not partners. It was a date.

It was perfectly reasonable for him to request you drink more water as to him your taste is strong. Whether other men haven't had the same thought or courage to tell you isn't relevant and whether you like how you taste is also irrelevant. He chose the wrong time to be honest for sure. His later behaviour seems just desperately backtracking and for you a number of red flags, fair enough. But being honest in itself isn't a red flag to me.

And what pray tell do you think drinking more water does 🤣🤣 it dilutes piss not vaginal secretions and if you don’t understand that much then your opinion counts for nothing

Thanks for the unsolicited medical advice but I was never one bit concerned about how I smell or taste. For your records since you are so invested my pee is light yellow and clear.

In the OP I was asking was I being unreasonable by seeing his comment as a red flag and it turns out I wasn't being unreasonable as his follow up texts and contact after I blocked him has shown.

I personally don’t think what he said is that offensive. Would I like it? No. And I’d no doubt overthink it massively. He said she had a strong smell though, not that she had a grim fanny. Is it really the crime of the century? Ffs men say stupid shit all the time. Half of the AIBUs are about said stupidity.

I. wouldn’t rush to this conclusion that he’s clearly an habitual ‘gaslighty’ abuser either. It’s an extreme reaction and, IMO, if he were to read this thread I’m sure he’d consider himself to have had a lucky escape.

Also can’t help but laugh at OP trotting out ‘he gave me unsolicited medical advice’ in response to anything that she construes as a criticism, but by her own admission she needs to drink more water 😂

That all said, however, while I may disagree with your rationale in this particular instance OP, it’s great that you have boundaries. If you’re going to go to the effort of attending an STI clinic together before the first bang though, maybe have an actual discussion about what it’s important to you to feel emotionally secure after the deed’s done too? Just a suggestion.

If you know and admit you don't drink enough water it should be obvious to you it will be stronger than if you do drink enough water. He was being honest. I never complain when men are honest, because so many of them aren't. Just drink more water.

I'm surprised at the number of women on here who suggest that they allow themselves to be subjected to nasty comments by men in the name of their open and clinical minds and who try to put down others who hold themselves to higher standards. I like your attitude @Limebazil.

How do you know he was being "honest"? Later he said he "loved the way I taste" so was he lying then or before? Or when he said he didn't say it at all.... was he lying then or the 2 times before?