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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared my partner will be taken from me

362 replies

Derrymare · 29/04/2022 21:46

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

OP posts:
MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 15:42

@Derrymare I suggest you delete or unwatch this thread.
You’re not going to get the responses you want and it’s not doing you any good.

Original poster
Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:43

Also a partner can't just leave after getting married because their visa would become invalid as its given on the fact they are in a relationship.

OP posts:
MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 15:43

Also in your opening post … ‘please don’t judge me but I’ve been in a rship with a Pakistani National..’
why woildnpeple judge?
nationality etc is irrelevant, following The law is the only relevance

JinglingHellsBells · 30/04/2022 15:44

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:43

Also a partner can't just leave after getting married because their visa would become invalid as its given on the fact they are in a relationship.

He could 'leave' and say he was going on holiday.

You are implying you'd be both joined at the hip if you were married.

starfishmummy · 30/04/2022 15:44

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 10:47

It was a very confusing time for us as they would have deported him he was placed in detention and I travelled 185 miles twice a week to visit him.
They was about to deport him but we wanted to stay together so he was advised by a immigration officer to claim asylum. He was eventually released to me and they took 2 years to do his screening and let us become closer in the 4 years it took them to do his main interview. In all that time he honoured his reporting obligations.

This sounds dodgier by the minute.

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 15:44

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:43

Also a partner can't just leave after getting married because their visa would become invalid as its given on the fact they are in a relationship.

They can claim ILR after 5 years

Original poster
Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:45

MountainDewer
Maybe judge me in thinking I'm.foolish

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:52

So is my solicitor telling lies when he says we have a good chance.

OP posts:
SinaraSmith · 30/04/2022 15:53

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:39

This has really depressed me tbh he has been called a lair amongst other things and people on here haven't met him to make that judgment.

No we haven’t. But why would expect people to ignore the huge problems and be positive about someone we haven’t met?

SinaraSmith · 30/04/2022 15:57

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:52

So is my solicitor telling lies when he says we have a good chance.

On what grounds do they believe you have a good chance?

Sortilege · 30/04/2022 15:59

Look, OP, regardless of his chances and his intentions, don’t you think it would be healthy to start building yourself a support network independent of him?

PlacidPenelope · 30/04/2022 15:59

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:39

This has really depressed me tbh he has been called a lair amongst other things and people on here haven't met him to make that judgment.

Well he is lying isn't he? He overstayed his visa which was dishonest and is now claiming to be an asylum seeker in order to play the system and you are supporting him in this deception.

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 16:00

@Derrymare
There’s nothing wrong with falling in love.
The genuineness of your relationship aside.
Your OH hasn’t been hard done by, unlike PP’s spouses. He has broken the law. Deliberately. And people like him make it harder for the law-abiding.
So you’re not going to get much sympathy.
What were you hoping to gain from this thread?

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2022 16:05

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:52

So is my solicitor telling lies when he says we have a good chance.

Did he explain why he thought he had a good chance. He is appealing on the grounds of asylum, is that correct?

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2022 16:13

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 15:41

He can go down the 10 year route we don't have to meet the financial requirements for that.

The 10 year route is only for people who are living legally in the UK isn't it?

Sortilege · 30/04/2022 16:18

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2022 16:13

The 10 year route is only for people who are living legally in the UK isn't it?

Show quote history

Yes.

www.gov.uk/long-residence/eligibility

Who told you he would qualify under the 10 year route OP?

AlternativePerspective · 30/04/2022 16:25

But he is a liar.

He lied to you about his status when you got together. He is lying now about being persecuted, At what point did he tell you he was here illegally? At the point they took him into custody per chance?

As for your solicitor, he is going to continue to represent you for as long as you’re prepared to hand over your cash. Of course he’s not going to tel you at this point that your BF has no chance.

gianaInfertilitySucks · 30/04/2022 16:29

Oh I am so sorry, it sounds like a horrible situation you're in. Are you married? I believe marriage does help with these situations

hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 30/04/2022 16:30

I would focus on trying to build up a life and support network beyond your partner, and try to build some emotional distance from the bits of his immigration claim which are outside your control.

He may or may not be deported. There may be a prolonged period of limbo not knowing what the outcome may be. If he is deported, you need to be able to cope without him. You also need to look after your own mental health through all this uncertainty.

Most women, meeting a man with a fair chance of being deported, would not choose to start a relationship with him. And would not become so emotionally dependent on him, knowing that he may need to go. It puts you in a very vulnerable position. I only say that as I think going forwards you need to try and build support and self esteem that isn't all dependent on one person, whether your partner can stay or go.

I did know one woman who entered a relationship with a man with uncertain immigration status. He seemed a perfectly nice guy. But their relationship was hugely shadowed by his immigration battle, the uncertainty and stress affected her, she missed out on other opportunities, and ultimately he was deported. Their relationship was genuine, but i think most women would have not chosen to enter that relationship, recognising it was probably going to lead to lots of stress and tears.

NoviceNetwork · 30/04/2022 16:32

Well, out of 193 posts I see just two have been deleted which is hardly "so many" - and we don't even know if it's the reason those two went

I'm confused as to why my post was deleted @Puzzledandpissedoff.

I didn't mention nationality and was just echoing what the majority her have said. That it appears this man has acted illegally and is not eligible for asylum given the country and his willingness to return to the country.

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 16:48

WallaceinAnderland · 30/04/2022 16:13

The 10 year route is only for people who are living legally in the UK isn't it?

Show quote history

Correct.
If you’ve been here for 10 years on any combo of visas , even those that don’t qualify for settlement (such as student visas) you can apply.

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 16:50

AlternativePerspective · 30/04/2022 16:25

But he is a liar.

He lied to you about his status when you got together. He is lying now about being persecuted, At what point did he tell you he was here illegally? At the point they took him into custody per chance?

As for your solicitor, he is going to continue to represent you for as long as you’re prepared to hand over your cash. Of course he’s not going to tel you at this point that your BF has no chance.

OP try contacting an independent helpline?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/immigration/your-options-if-youre-in-the-uk-illegally/

girlmom21 · 30/04/2022 16:57

OP he's been here illegally and not working for 10 years. Do you honestly believe he'd work if he stayed? What do you think he would do?

I don't necessarily think he's using you. If he wanted to use someone to stay he'd use someone who could meet the financial requirements to guarantee him a visa.

But he's not the good, honest man you think he is or he'd have done things properly a decade ago.

I think you need to prepare for the idea that he may well be deported.

DressingPafe · 30/04/2022 17:18

Unfortunately it doesn't matter what the immigration lawyers think. Ours came up with a lot of good points of law on why my ex should be allowed to stay. They still said no.

I only say this because I really think that while you can hope for the best, you have to prepare for the worst. I think most pp's are saying the same, some gently, some not so gently! I know you probably came looking for reassurance but those of us who have been there, know how hard it is and how much power the home office has.

We exhausted all routes until the only one left was Judicial Review, which apparently was going to cost upwards of 15k. With no guarentee of winning. If we lost we'd have to pay the home office Court costs too! That just wasn't possible.

UniversalAunt · 30/04/2022 17:28

Hi @MNHQ

From the responses of many posters to an assertion that this post be closed down, it can be seen that the overall concerns are for the wellbeing of the OP.

Please do not delete this thread.
It may be of use & value to MNetters in the future.

Ta.