Scared my partner will be taken from me

[Derrymare]

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

There are so many racist comments on this thread, implying that white women in relationships with men of colour from the global south are being used and abused. Please take this thread down, it is appalling, and will severely affect the OP who is already suffering from mental health issues

People are talking about this particular situation. There haven't been comments saying that white women in relationships with "men of colour from the global south" are being used. They are saying that in this case, it looks like the OP might be being used, for the various reasons people have given.

I would stand by all comments I've made on this thread if the man was white (insert any nationality) or if we took the asylum thing out and it was a white British man exploiting a vulnerable woman (who hasn't actually disclosed her race, not that it is relevant at all).

I also know he intends to stay with me if he gets a visa ... if I turn out to be wrong it would a complete and utter shock

Good luck with "knowing" this, OP, and have you considered how the potential utter shock would affect your MH situation?

I'm sure you already know that the success rates for "visa relationships" aren't good, but what's less clear is why both you and the family are prepared to lie for him - and as he's shown by his willingness to return to Pakistan it clearly is a lie

OP I feel for you because you seem very vulnerable.

However your human rights have not been breached in any way.

The correct outcome according to U.K. law is for him to be deported - he has no reason to stay here. None.

You really should start to prepare for this.

@Derrymare you really need to start prioritising your OWN health over your partner. Is it possible for you to do something like the Freedom programme or speak to some independent organisation to try to see your own importance and self worth? I know that you say he loves you and wants the best for you etc but it doesn't sound as if this is working for you right now. You are trotting out reason after reason for the state of your mental health but I suspect that this whole situation is your biggest contributor. There are so many holes in your partner's story that it is likely he will be sent home. Does your love for him mean that you would be willing to go and live in Pakistan with him or does that love only exist here in the UK ? Is this what you mean by "human rights"? Your choice of living where you want to together but that has to be in the UK?

MissWired
Some people will wait very patiently for what they want for as long as it takes to get it. ..especially if the waiting involves no particular personal hardships for them. Then once they've got it they're off, never to be seen again.

Wise words. I once worked with a young woman who had been with her Asian boyfriend for about five years and they decided to get married. They had a church wedding. As the vicar said his final words, the groom said to the bride 'well thanks, I've now got what I needed to stay in the UK, time for me to go'. He ran out of the church and was never seen again. She ended up in a mental hospital.

OP I feel you have got very confused. Your relationship status has absolutely no impact on his right to live and work in the UK. None.

The only way he could achieve that would be if his asylum claim appeal is successful and based on what you have said, that is hugely unlikely.

He has been playing the long game, living here off other people for as long as he could. It looks like time is now running out for him and he will be deported.

As a pp said, you should prepare yourself for this.

JanisMoplin:

"May or may not be a genuine relationship but he is an illegal and has no human right to stay here and no grounds for asylum."

How on earth is this showing a single shred of concern for the OP JanisMoplin? Are you an immigration lawyer? Why do you feel you can pronounce on whether this is a 'genuine' relationship?

zafferana:

"Please wise up OP and get some support for yourself. Your posts remind me of those women who tell their story to the DM, having gone on holiday to The Gambia, married some young guy who claims he's madly in love with them, spent all their money supporting him and his family and bringing him to the UK, at which point they never see him again."

On what basis does the OP's post remind you of this Zafferana? Do you think you read a bit too much Daily Mail?

Everyone piling in and deciding that a 5-year relationship is a sham - contrary to what she is telling you - is incredibly hurtful and stuffed full of ignorant assumptions. It may well be that the OP's partner has no right to remain in the UK. The OP posted here because her partner of 5 years is likely to be deported (she also mentioned somewhere up thread that it was a home office official that advised him to apply for asylum but why is this your main focus anyway?)

The OP wasn't asking for your political opinion on the UK's anti-immigration laws, or for for your poorly informed / utterly ignorant legal advice. She certainly wasn't asking for judgment on whether her relationship is 'genuine' ffs. She is scared that her partner of 5 years whom she has clearly come to rely on will be deported and was seeking some emotional support.

Whatever the legal situation, whatever the outcome, you have piled in on a vulnerable woman in a very difficult situation and likely contributed to her trauma. It really makes me feel a bit sick.

I am mixed south Asian and white irish.

no one has said anything of the sort. Why are you lying?

op hasn’t actually said she was white for a start. No one has commented on relationships in general or on mixed relationships in general.

The man has lied on his application. He is not an asylum seeker. He moved in with her and she has supported him for 5 years, because his solicitor told them it would help. It doesn’t. Apparently a home office worker told him to claim asylum, I don’t believe this true as there’s no grounds and it was doomed to fail. She has now become dependent and vulnerable supporting this man and believes she can not live without him.

Its not a healthy relationship. But that doesn’t mean any mixed relationship isn’t healthy.

What doesn’t help the Op is pretending this is all ok and normal, just so we aren’t seen to critique a man who is not white. A man who is definitely a liar and got op to join in his lies. That’s not ok.

Nope not an immigration lawyer, though used to be a lawyer, but there is really no human right to stay in the UK under these circumstances. Would be cruel to the OP to say otherwise; she needs to be prepared. I actually did not pronounce on the genuineness of her relationship because I think it is immaterial.

Surely this marriage would have been annulled immediately, if he actually said that in front of the vicar?

I can imagine that the Home Office official didn’t actually tell him to apply for asylum. I picture the conversation being more:

HOO: …So you have no right to remain.

OP and OH: So is that it? Isn’t there any way that he can stay?

HOO: No, the only way would be if you could successfully claim asylum.

OP and OH: Then that’s what we’ll do, claim asylum!

A bit different from being advised that he was eligible to claim asylum, or whatever it is that the OP thinks they were told.

I can see where other op’s are coming from. My partner wouldn’t move in with me till he got British nationality as he didn’t want people to think it was the basis of our relationship. It’s so hard to know what anyone else’s true intentions are, please be careful op this sounds like a recipe to have your heart broken either way.

Whatever the legal situation, whatever the outcome, you have piled in on a vulnerable woman in a very difficult situation and likely contributed to her trauma. It really makes me feel a bit sick.

This, to me, is pure bullshit. It’s not supportive to the op to ignore the quite obvious problems here. It is supportive to point out that he shouldn’t have applied under those rules. He shouldn’t have allowed a woman who is already suffering mental health problems become responsible for him. He shouldn’t be having her under the pressure of providing his costs of living and legal fees. He shouldn’t have entered a relationship with her whilst lying about his status. He shouldn’t be lying on his application.

Op is in this position because of his actions and choices. She is vulnerable. That’s the concern. Pretending everything is fine is not supportive.

I don't know, Pythone. I assume so but the point is that for five years my young colleague had loved that man, trusted him and assumed he loved her back which was obviously not the case.

@Lulu777 the OP hasn’t actually stated what

I agree. I can guess op wasn’t actually present for this conversation or, being desperate has clung on to the ‘the home office said it so we must have a case’ aspect. Even though that’s not what would have been communicated.

@Lulu777 the OP hasn’t stated what her actual AIBU is. Thé content looks like she wants validation for the immigration situation. People have rightly commented that he has no right to stay.

There are so many racist comments on this thread

Well, out of 193 posts I see just two have been deleted which is hardly "so many" - and we don't even know if it's the reason those two went
It's predictable on MN that someone will howl racism no matter what, and if "so many" had generalised or focused on asians in particular it might have been true, but fortunately they haven't. Instead they've focused on this particular case where someone has lied, and that's evident from OP's own account

I also agree with SinaraSmith that it's hardly helpful to OP to pretend everything's just fine, which is why I encouraged her to think about what this will do to her mental health if it all goes wrong

Can you not get married in Pakistan and apply on that basis?

Sorry didn't read the whole thread, so you may have explained why it's not possible

XelaM to save you scrolling through (though you can highlight just an OP's posts) the partner apparently can't travel right now because the Home Office have retained his passport

They could but British rules require the British spouse to earn a minimum amount in order to apply for a settlement visa, something in the region of £26k.

This has really depressed me tbh he has been called a lair amongst other things and people on here haven't met him to make that judgment.

He can go down the 10 year route we don't have to meet the financial requirements for that.