Scared my partner will be taken from me

[Derrymare]

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

The 4 years' delay by Home Office dealing with this case will correctly be excused by the Corona Virus as all government department were not functioning fully for about 2 years and indeed some are still not e.g. Passport Office, NHS etc. Delays in cancer operation were delayed/cancelled because of the virus and it is the legitimate excuse being used. People have died from cancer for lack of treatment because of Corona so the argument the Home Office must grant your wishes because of their delays at present time is rather weak.

There are some dreadful immigration lawyers out there

There are also some who claim to be lawyers and are actually no more than lay advisers
To my shame I once went for an interview at such a place, honestly believing they were the "community law centre for all" they pretended to be ... in fact it was an immigration racket and they'd lied to get the funding

But he's here illegally so should he have led you on ?
Can you move there with him ?

newbiename
There is no way in this world I will go to Pakistsn it's a unfair country my health will suffer out there there is no welfare system nothing for poor people and I am very heat intolerant.

Can you go with him to Pakistan?

Honestly we are still human beings and I see this man slowly dying inside.

@Louise0701 depends on the job you're qualified to do and where you live. He would have to come back to the UK for anything up to 3 years before he can ask for a £25k salary. He teaches English as a foreign language and doesn't really have experience of anything else, he's done it for over a decade. That job doesn't pay particularly well here. He could train to be a school teacher, but he doesn't yet have a degree (TEFL qualifications don't count) and they can't afford for him to do that full time. Even then, you don't earn £25k until you're qualified, and he doesn't want to be separated from his family, his youngest is only 5. They're resigned to it now and have their own English language school in Spain.

You just need to be very practical and accept you need to plan for both results OP.

I can’t follow all the details of his story, but the hard fact is he might not win his appeal, and you have to be prepared for that. If he wins, that great, but he won’t want to know you’re falling apart if he does have to go. That won’t make it any easier.

Could you both access counselling now to help you get your heads found both possible outcomes?

Dying inside from his choices?

He isn’t a victim. He made the choice to come here, through dodgy means. He didn’t speak English and was abandoned but managed to quickly find enough English and friends to pay his way while he chose to do absolutely nothing. Then he found you who paid his way. With you both choosing to pursue a false asylum claim.

at any point he could have chose to go home.

He thinks nothing of abusing a system that is meant to be there to help people whose lives are genuinely at risk. And his is ‘dying’ because of that?

I feel sickened by the brutal responses on here. How can some of you claim.to be helping the responses on here have shattered me.

You're being used @OP. Your story is a story as old as time. How do I know? Because I'm from the same background as your BF. He's using you. Trust me on this one. If this is how you're feeling when you're living WITH him, imagine how you'd feel when he walks out on you/manipulates you/gaslights you, etc. (he will).

But OP do you not think that if everyone is telling you the same thing (that you need to accept it's incredibly unlikely he's going to be allowed to stay and therefore you need to start preparing accordingly) it might be worth you taking it on board?

As I said upthread, you've been sole earner for years which is a huge strain and will have further impacted your mental health issues. For that reason you should take heart that you're a capable, hard working and strong person who will be able to cope when he leaves.

It would be more cruel of posters to say 'oh don't worry I'm sure they'll let him stay' when that's not likely at all to happen.

People have responded partly out of concern for you as it sounds like you may have been taken advantage of. You've been housing, feeding and clothing for years which is an absolutely massive thing to do.

He isn't the beginning and end of your life, I promise. You clearly have a big capacity to love and are very capable and hard working.

But he doesn't have a fundamental human right to love you in the country you would both prefer to live in.

A couple of people have been brutal but I think most of us are just concerned that you have a realistic plan for all eventualities.

For anything at all, once you’re outside the realm of automatic or claimable entitlements, and are instead hoping for a judgement to go your way, there’s an element of luck there. You have to be realistic that what he is basically asking for us an exception to be made for him, and for his past mistakes to be overlooked.

I’m sure lots of us are sympathetic, and if you want to tell us the whole story, do go ahead. But none of us can make sure it will go the way you want and over optimistic opinions won’t help you.

I am just more worried for your mental health TBH.

The right to continue the relationship we have maintained over the years.

Surely this won’t be accepted as every illegal immigrant would say the same thing.

I know it feels like you’re being attacked on here OP but the facts are he’s in the country illegally and it doesn’t look like he’s going to have much luck staying so they’re trying to prepare you for the worst case scenario.

Yes keep fighting for asylum but you also have to think about what’s going to happen if he loses.

If you say you can’t live without him he can’t live in this country you’re going to have to work out how to have a long distance relationship for a while until he can either come back here legally or you can both move to a different country together.

Are you paying for all his legal work OP?

Presumably. As he doesn’t work.

She’s also been keeping him for the past 6 years.

I am sorry it’s upsetting you to read the responses.

However, I think people are desperate for you to wake up. His story makes no sense. But you don’t seem to understand that.

Either you know his story is bullshit OR you have really been taken in by him and simply can’t see it. You sounds exactly like another poster. Even down to the timeline, the older son, mental health issues and undiagnosed adhd, to paying for everything, to them not understanding the process and legal advice (or being ripped off) to the complete nonsense story. But that poster does at least seem aware the story is bullshit but doesn’t feel they can walk away.

You need to understand this isn’t happening to him. These are the consequences of his own actions. You need to reframe this in your mind. At the moment you have him cast as a poor victim who has no agency and is having a run of bad luck. If he goes back and you end up hurt, then it may help to realise this isn’t the big bad Home office. These are things both you and he had active choices in. It helps avoid these situations again

Where did he live before you met @Derrymare
where did you meet?
how did he finance his life before you?
sorry to say this, but I assume there was another woman before you who funded his illegal stay here. She probably got wind of his status / started to ask too many questions and he got rid / wised up to him and so he had to find someone else.

sorry OP but in the 4 years prior to you meeting him, he seems to of done absolutely nothing to attempt to make his stay here legal.

From what you’ve said; he was illegally trafficked here, no doubt by paying someone in Pakistan a considerable sum (from where?) and left here on arrival. There are then 4 years unaccounted for and then 6 spent in a relationship with you during which time he has been detained and now told he will be deported.

sit down and read this back with a clear head OP.

Are you thinking that you are going to be able to say it's your human right to have a relationship with him so he should be able to stay?

Because I was married. For 13 years.

We had a house in the uk

We had two children. British children.

We had plenty of money.

But none of that counted because I wasn't earning £18500.

Human rights didn't come into it.

I really think the most useful/important thing you can do now is get to know the process and the rules as much as you can so you can say the right things in the appeal.

Maybe it's because this is the first time you have come face to face with stark reality.

What did you expect people to say?

The man is currently an immigrant with no legal right to stay in the UK. This is unlikely to change based on what you have said. I don't understand how you can be so ignorant around these issues.

You seem to think that you can plead a relationship status and he will be granted the right to live and work in the UK. If that is what you are holding on to, it's ridiculous. How can you ever think that would be a consideration. Your relationship literally has no impact at all on his application. It's not human rights or whatever you think you have a claim to. It's really, really not OP.

If that is what you are pinning your hopes on then you need to wake up and realise it's not going to happen.

I might be wrong coz I got ILR a few years ago so rules could have changed. But I remember I used my saving account which got 40k (min 18600*2.5years) to meet the financial request. I was doing a pt job and wasn't earning 18k a year

I would love to live on the US

I just want to work and provide for my family and I am a good person.

I can’t because my mother left my fathers name off my birth certificate and there was a bit of fudging to do with where my mother was actually born.

Otherwise I would have put myself into the Green Card lottery or got my visa long ago.

Just because you want something doesn’t mean you get it if a countries rules and regulations say no

I ask again about your ADHD diagnosis.
When will you start titration?
Did you go private or NHS?

If you have depression, (which I think is more to do with having ADHD rather than depression), ADHD and potentially autism I really think you need to start concentrating on yourself. Rather than running around and giving so much head space to something that no matter how much you shout Human Rights and declare you are going to fight the home office you are just wasting your time, your money and your health trying to stop the inevitable.

What exactly is he doing in all this?
Why isn’t he the one researching and documenting reasons why he can stay.

Why are you getting assessed for autism before you have got the right medication for your ADHD.
Because Autism and ADHD are similar in a lot of ways you have to see what remains after you have got the meds you need to treat your ADHD which could take several months as you get a higher and higher dosage and in my case a few. More months whilst they added in extra dexamphetamine tablets.and only then can they assess what remains, be that autism, depression or bipolar and other comorbid issues

If you spent a little time just on your issues. Researching , pressing them to start you on meds you might find that you could function much better.

Some of us have experience of illegal immigrants and the issues you're facing now. It's not nice to face up to reality but it's what you need to do. It might be upsetting but it's the truth.

Could you not try to find a job.
I believe an income of 18k is required to be enough to support him.