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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend going travelling - missing him

141 replies

ellsy99 · 29/04/2022 13:43

My boyfriend is going travelling with a friend for 3 weeks soon. I’m quite anxiously attached and am so excited for him but I’m also going to miss him so so much. We’ve never gone this long apart.

Whenever he brings this trip up I always say “aww I’m going to miss you” and he says the same back. But I felt a bit like he never says it himself so I asked if he was sad about not seeing me for 3 weeks.

He said “of course I will? I just don’t think about it every single time it’s brought up”. This hurt because I definitely do. “In this scenario I just haven’t thought about it as much as you” :/
He then said surely this is ok as “were two separate people and you can’t expect me to think everything you’re thinking. Doesn’t mean I’ll miss you any less, it comes down to trust”

AIBU to think that surely we should think about how much we will miss each other the same amount? Is he not that into me?

OP posts:
ToletPoster · 29/04/2022 13:46

YABU

MissNothing1991 · 29/04/2022 13:46

I think you sound like a bit of an overdramatic melt. Sorry, but people maintain long distance relationships, ones with jobs involving travel etc. and yes, miss each other... but they don't feel the need to go on about it. That would literally melt my head and put me off something. I'd expect that behaviour from a teenager.

itsneilthebaby · 29/04/2022 13:46

How old are you both?

HardRockOwl · 29/04/2022 13:47

Well, it you want to up your chances of him not coming back.. keep this up!

ghostyslovesheets · 29/04/2022 13:48

YABU it's THREE WEEKS - not months or years - and constantly asking him if he is going to miss you is going to get annoying quickly

lillyrabbit · 29/04/2022 13:49

I'm afraid I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable - he's the one going away, so is going to be focusing more on the excitement of that. You are the one being left behind so will naturally miss him more. I wouldn't keep going on at him about it though, or you risk coming across as a bit needy...

Barneysma2 · 29/04/2022 13:49

Oh for goodness sake have a word with yourself. This is embarrassing. How can you possibly think about how much you will miss each other the exact same amount? He is an individual person and if he says he will miss yuo then accept that he will miss you and leave it at that. And its only 3 weeks not 3 years. Goodness me 😑🙄

Chikapu · 29/04/2022 13:49

3 weeks isn't that long, I once didn't see my husband for eight months and military spouses can be apart longer than that. Get some perspective and cultivate some independence. No one wants a clingy or anxiously attached partner.

StrangeCondition · 29/04/2022 13:50

He's right, he's told you he'll miss you but you keep pushing it, don't get upset when he doesn't say what you want.

I've not seen my partner since end of Feb and I'm not seeing him again until June, 3 weeks is nothing.

JorisBonson · 29/04/2022 13:50

Blimey, I thought you meant going proper travelling, like a year +. 3 weeks is just a long holiday.

Ladiz · 29/04/2022 13:51

You sound quite needy. Focus on the nice things you’re going to do with your friends while he’s away. Be an interesting and independent person in your own right. Much more attractive.

Original poster
ellsy99 · 29/04/2022 13:51

i am 22. Surely it’s a bad thing if he says he doesn’t think about it though ?

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 29/04/2022 13:51

Lol, it's 3 weeks, not 3 years.

CRbear · 29/04/2022 13:51

Travelling - he’s going on holiday! It’s 3 weeks.

as others have said - he’s excited about going away he’s going to be distracted of course he’s not going to miss you as much as you might miss him.

JorisBonson · 29/04/2022 13:53

How long have you been together for?

Original poster
ellsy99 · 29/04/2022 13:53

A year

OP posts:
ImInStealthMode · 29/04/2022 13:54

YABU OP. I'm sorry to sound harsh but you're coming across quite needy. The fact is that he probably will miss you, but not nearly as much as you'll miss him if he's off having exciting new adventures and you're the one at home doing your normal routine. Likewise before he goes, he's focusing on the trip and all the fun stuff they'll do, while you're only focusing on the fact you'll miss him.

Was this trip planned before you got together? By constantly bringing it up you run the risk of making him feel guilty about going, which could push him away. I'd be careful about communication once he's there too; constant messages about how much you miss him could ultimately do more harm than good.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/04/2022 13:54

YABU. It's 3 weeks. At 22 years old you shouldn't be so invested in a relationship that you constantly think about how much you'll miss them.

ivykaty44 · 29/04/2022 13:55

your bf obviously wants to go away on this trip, it'll be exciting and he will have company

whereas I take it you'll stay home doing the same routine but without him

so obviously he will be busy doing new stuff and has all that to look forward to, whilst you don't sound like you'll be busy with friends or trying new stuff

so you'll have a big hole and miss him and he will have a lot happening so not have time to miss you so much

you'd be best of connecting with friends and arranging trips out, try new things and getting lots out of the time on your own

When he comes back hopefully you'll both have stuff to share about what you've been doing and you can happily exchange stories

Brighteyedtriangle · 29/04/2022 13:55

I would love for my bf to go away for 3 weeks.

Let him enjoy the excitement sounds like you are trying to dampen it for him.

He wont want to come back if you try to ruin it for him so relax

SaggyBlinders · 29/04/2022 13:56

3 weeks as in 21 days? It's a long holiday. I doubt many people would be sad about missing their partner for 3 weeks, they'd be excited about their 3 week holiday!

You will be fine OP. Make some nice plans, have something to talk about when he gets back.

Wilkolampshade · 29/04/2022 13:56

YABVVVVU
Of course you don't feel stuff in the same way!?!? You're different people!!!! Every second of your lives so far has been a different experiences for each of you. How on earth do you think people deal with the normal absences of adult relationships? Working away, holidays with friends, visiting relatives etc - these are all normal and yes, you should be able to cope with them. And your partner too.

FreedomforWA · 29/04/2022 13:56

It's only 3 weeks, you are being completely unreasonable. I think you need to find some activities to keep you occupied for that time.

RealBecca · 29/04/2022 13:56

It's a bad thing that you are his hung up on it. It leaves you vulnerable to accepting low standards. I mean this kindly, you need more going on in your life so you dont overthink it so much.

luxxlisbon · 29/04/2022 13:56

You sound way over the top. 3 weeks is hardly off travelling anyway, it’s a slightly longer holiday. He shouldn’t have to bring up how much he will miss you any time his holiday is mentioned.
You can’t put your anxiety on him and expect him to pander to it an extreme amount.