Boyfriend going travelling - missing him

[ellsy99]

My boyfriend is going travelling with a friend for 3 weeks soon. I’m quite anxiously attached and am so excited for him but I’m also going to miss him so so much. We’ve never gone this long apart.

Whenever he brings this trip up I always say “aww I’m going to miss you” and he says the same back. But I felt a bit like he never says it himself so I asked if he was sad about not seeing me for 3 weeks.

He said “of course I will? I just don’t think about it every single time it’s brought up”. This hurt because I definitely do. “In this scenario I just haven’t thought about it as much as you” :/
He then said surely this is ok as “were two separate people and you can’t expect me to think everything you’re thinking. Doesn’t mean I’ll miss you any less, it comes down to trust”

AIBU to think that surely we should think about how much we will miss each other the same amount? Is he not that into me?

This:
“surely we should think about how much we will miss each other the same amount?”
Makes you sound 12, not 22.
Thats not insecure attachment, it’s immaturity.

He's looking forward to his holiday so please don't ruin it for him by being clingy and not allowing him to be excited about it.

22? Good grief, I'd guessed 12!

I thought you were going to say 6 months not 3 weeks that's just a holiday. Seriously back off, stop telling him how much you will miss him or he will just ditch you before the holiday.

He is going on a 3 week holiday. He is excited about it. I'm sure he will miss you, but it is not going to be at the fore front of his thoughts. He will be thinking about where he is going to go/ see/ experience. You will be sat at home by the sounds of it pining away. Don't. And if you do, don't text him every 5 minutes to tell him how much you miss him. You'll wreck his head!!

@Sunshineandflipflops I don't live with my dp but we see each other most days. He Will often tell me that he misses me and I just don't feel the same. I love him but I don't ever go long enough not seeing him to not miss him. I don't want to upset him though so I sometimes say it back, which doesn't feel right
God I have this too. I don't live with my fella and sometimes when he's left mine in the morning he will tell me in the afternoon he misses me. I feel like saying I only saw you a few hours ago but I always reply "miss you too" and I don't...at all.

OP stop being so needy, it's unattractive and suffocating and if you carry on you will be without him for a lot longer than 3 weeks - like forever. Of course he's not going to miss you as much as you miss him because he'll be on holiday. I never miss anyone when I go away, apart from my dog. Just look on it that you have 3 weeks to chill, see your mates, lay in bed all weekend and do whatever pleases you. Sounds like heaven.

I wouldn’t even consider three weeks ‘travelling.’ It’s a short holiday and it’s unreasonable to be getting so worried about how much he’ll miss you. You say you are ‘anxiously attached’ and that’s not at all healthy. He should be able to go away for periods without you keeping on looking for reassurances that he’ll miss you terribly - he’ll be busy having fun and you should make sure that you have plans to be busy too, not sitting around waiting for him to contact you. You definitely need to stop clinging to him or you’ll put him off.

Woman up. What an embarrassing post.

Ps my husband often goes away for two weeks at a time. I don’t ‘miss’ him - I know where he is and that’s he’s coming back! If he went for three weeks, I’d certainly be happy when he got back but never in a million years would I be thinking we have to miss each other equally / trying to get him to say how much he will miss me etc etc. it does sound a bit immature.

Christ. Im going to hazard a guess youre very young.

Hes not saying he'll miss you each time because he's excited for his 3 week holiday.

Between the ages of 19-25 my and my DP were long distance on and off. He lived abroad, I was at uni, then he came back to uni, I was working in a different city blah blah blah. He also went on plenty of lads holidays, I’ve gone on girls trips.

We now live together but (assuming you are young) you need to have that time to do what you need to do. I remember dreading it when he moved abroad but actually I loved having the time to myself and although I missed him at times you soon get really used to it. And we were apart for up to 2 months at a time.

You’re going to be fine, 3 weeks is nothing and he’s probably really excited to get away (not from you, just a holiday!)

He's not going round the world on a moped, he's going on holiday for 3 weeks. I think, if roles were reversed, you'd probably be pretty excited and perhaps a bit fed up with your boyfriend wittering on about how much he's going to miss you. It sounds more like guilt tripping.

Just wish him a happy holiday and start working on being less needy.

Seriously? You sound very immature. I'd be happy to get a three week break from the drama.

I think some posters have forgotten what it's like to be 22, lol.

I remember really missing my boyfriend at that age when we had to spend any lengthy time apart - now I'm married and it wouldn't really bother me if DH buggered off for a week

I mean, I would miss him but I have plenty of other things to occupy myself - work, the dogs, friends, hobbies etc.

Find other things to occupy yourself with. The reason you're more upset than your boyfriend is because he has three weeks of holiday to look forward to whereas you just have normal life - so plan some fun stuff. Nights out with your friends, maybe a sleepover, shopping trips...whatever takes your fancy. Don't waste your time sitting inside waiting him for to text you.

You will have exactly the same life, missing him.

He will have a whole new experience, also missing you.

Of course he won't miss you as much, there'll be a whole load of brilliant experiences for him.

BTW I once went traveling, actual traveling, for almost a year without my then boyfriend. That was hard.

He's not going travelling, he is going on holiday. 3 weeks is no time at all. Stop being so clingy and just let him go and enjoy his break. You can catch up with friends and do stuff you enjoy while he is away.

3 WEEKS!! How far is he ‘travelling?’

I think people are being harsh on you OP. Yes I agree YABU but at the age of 22 we were probably all young and somewhat overly eager once.

In answer to your question no it's not a red flag that he's not always declaring how much he'll miss you on his trip.

You sound very needy and quite annoying.

At the age of 22 I lived in Paris, my then boyfriend lived in England. We saw each other about every 2 months.
This isn’t about being ‘overly eager’. The OP has admitted that she has an ‘anxious attachment’ style, but seems to want her partner to be as anxiously attached as she is. What’s the point in analysing your behaviour if you then don’t do anything with that information?

Wow. I don't think I've even seen a poll saying you're 100% unreasonable before. Congratulations. And yes, YABVU.

3 weeks is a holiday 😂

It's fine that you'll miss him, but you need to be careful you're not trying to make him feel guilty, that'll just lead to resentment.

Wish him a fun trip, and that you can't wait to hear all about it when he gets back 🙂

You survived the first 21 years without him.

Your unreasonable to call a 3 week holiday travelling 😆, and very unreasonable to be so needy and trying to put a dampner on his holiday.
Get a grip of yourself, of course he's not really going to miss you, he'll be the one away having a great time, if you stop being a drama llama, he may keep in touch with you when he's away , if you carry on as you are, he'll likely use this holiday to reflect on how needy you are.

The OP seems to have fucked off out of embarassment but hopefully she realises that 3 weeks isn't a long time.