Boyfriend going travelling - missing him

[ellsy99]

My boyfriend is going travelling with a friend for 3 weeks soon. I’m quite anxiously attached and am so excited for him but I’m also going to miss him so so much. We’ve never gone this long apart.

Whenever he brings this trip up I always say “aww I’m going to miss you” and he says the same back. But I felt a bit like he never says it himself so I asked if he was sad about not seeing me for 3 weeks.

He said “of course I will? I just don’t think about it every single time it’s brought up”. This hurt because I definitely do. “In this scenario I just haven’t thought about it as much as you” :/
He then said surely this is ok as “were two separate people and you can’t expect me to think everything you’re thinking. Doesn’t mean I’ll miss you any less, it comes down to trust”

AIBU to think that surely we should think about how much we will miss each other the same amount? Is he not that into me?

surely we should think about how much we will miss each other the same amount
I'm surprised he puts up with your ridiculous carry on, that's suffocating.

Omg three weeks? Such a short period of time! Stop being clingy and let him have fun!

You can’t expect him to be feeling the same. He’s the one going away, so he’ll have a lot of excitement in the mix.

This.

Of course he is excited.

Why would he be focused on missing you when preparing for a holiday.

Stop mentioning it as it will absolutely put him off you, it certainly would for me.

Stop it. It's weird and clingy. Use the 3 weeks to do things by yourself and for yourself. Don't sit at home being sad and clingy. He is only away for a very short period. You are separate individuals with separate lives.

I have put YANBU because you cannot help how you feel. What I will say is - what's for you won't pass you by. He may insanely miss you and you guys will come back stronger or you will grow apart. If the latter is the case believe me when I say there is something better out there for you. Take the 3 weeks he is away to enjoy yourself and do lots of exciting things. Be alone, be with friendsz pamper yourself. 3 weeks will fly by.

It's only 3 weeks, honestly it will go by in a flash and he will be back before you know it.

I remember what it was like being 22 and a tiny bit insecure. Just keep yourself occupied, go and see your friends, go out exploring. You'll drive yourself insane if you spend 3 weeks at home counting down the days he comes back.

Also, male psychology says that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Men tend to miss women more when they're not there. If you have a good relationship, I am pretty sure he will miss you after a bit, he just doesn't know it yet. He can't miss you when you're right there, constantly asking if he will miss you.

When he's gone, don't keep texting him either. Just live your life and allow him space to enjoy his holiday and to miss you as well. It is ONLY 3 weeks.

You've gotten good advice.

Find something to do. Go on your own holiday.

This
Also of my DH said he was going to miss me everytime I said I was looking forward to doing something without him, it would drive me bonkers.
Talk about his holiday and about future holidays rather than obsessing about your relationship.

I was like you when I was 22! My boyfriend went away for three weeks to the US and I was dreading it. First few days went really slowly but then after that, it was ok. Definitely plan lots of cool things with your friends and have some films/books you can read. Definitely do not make the mistake I did and email and text him regularly and then get shirty when you don't get a response for hours. It's not cool. Just keep yourself occupied and plan something nice for the two of you to do when you get back. Three weeks isn't as long as it sounds. Think back to three weeks ago from today. When you look at what you were doing, it doesn't seem that long ago. You'll be fine. X

I thought you were going to say a year!

It's just a bit longer than a normal holiday!

My DP works away permanently 3 weeks at a time. It flies by!

YABVU and your perspective doesn't sound healthy at all. This kind of attachment and expectation is the sort of stuff that kills off otherwise good relationships. I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you're reacting so dramatically to a 3 week holiday and work on yourself a bit.

It's not fair on him that every time something exciting for him is brought up that you put a dampener on it. Just give it a rest you're being annoying. Let him be excited, be excited for him!

Three weeks ? Nah ! I wouldn't be going on so much about missing each other . My husband and I have occasionally gone travelling without each other for weeks at a time and I barely missed him 😂! Half kidding! I of course did miss him but it didn’t play on my mind much ! The best bit is when they get back 🤗

You sound very needy.
Give him a break and stop bringing it up every time.
You are doing all the right things to get dumped.