Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To give a gift when they’ve asked for cash? (Wedding)

144 replies

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 21:59

Best friends wedding soon. I’ve found a gorgeous gift from Anthropologie that I think she/her partner would love. They’ve asked for ££ for the honeymoon (no hate as everyone we know does that and that’s fine!) but when DH and I got married we got a few lovely homeware items which I love using and bring back fond memories and I hope this would do the same.
AIBU? Cost is slightly less than what I’d generally give in cash.

OP posts:

Ihatethenewlook · 28/04/2022 22:02

You could maybe give the gift with the receipt and make it clear you wouldn’t mind if she took it back for the cash?

contrelamontre · 28/04/2022 22:03

She's your best friend... what do you think she'd think? You know her better than anyone else...?! Some of my friends this would be fine for, others absolutely not.

Quincythequince · 28/04/2022 22:06

They’ve been clear in what they’d like and also prefer. Why would you not want to provide this for them, rather than your idea of what you think she’d love?

AfterSchoolWorry · 28/04/2022 22:11

I'd give the money.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 28/04/2022 22:13

I think it's a bit odd to deliberately go against the express request of the couple but if you think you know what they want better than they do then go ahead

Personally a homemade item would mean nothing to me but obviously I have no clue how your friend wold feel

Ponoka7 · 28/04/2022 22:14

You should give what's asked for. Don't give a gift with a receipt it just gives her extra work to do.

ArtVandalay · 28/04/2022 22:15

Much as I loathe demands for money as it's the height of vulgarity, if they've asked for cash, you're sort of obliged.

Libertaire · 28/04/2022 22:17

YABU. And inconsiderate. And self-centred. Give them what they asked for and stop making this about what you think they should want.

Original poster

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 22:20

@Libertaire im not trying to make it all about me honestly. They have plenty of money and have asked for cash as they don’t really have any need for a gift list. We had cash for our wedding but I genuinely loved the few items some guests kindly gave us instead of money and thought they would feel the same. I’m not trying to make any sort of statement.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 28/04/2022 22:22

I love these threads because someone always comes on and says how vulgar it is to ask for cash and they couldnt possibly give that, so instead they found a perfect engraved cheeseboard / wedding photo frame / something else naff that no one actually wants

So I’m just here for that really

Marvellousmadness · 28/04/2022 22:25

Yabu. Some best friend you are...

CapMarvel · 28/04/2022 22:28

Just give them money. Don't give them an ugly vase or something that they'll need to stick a cupboard and bring out when you are visiting.

Original poster

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 22:28

Marvellousmadness · 28/04/2022 22:25

Yabu. Some best friend you are...

Oh my goodness I want to get her a gift not have an affair with her husband….

OP posts:

hattie43 · 28/04/2022 22:29

Some of the responses to OP are horrible .
I understand her sentiment because just giving cash feels like a business transaction , no more personal than paying a bill.
I hate this trend of asking for cash , it's a best friends wedding and a personal occasion so people want to put thought into a personal gift not just open their wallet .
I had this situation OP and bought something I thought the couple would love and put a reduced amount into their honeymoon fund .

PurpleDaisies · 28/04/2022 22:29

Give them cash.

Nelliephant1 · 28/04/2022 22:33

Can you do both? Give the gift you think they'll love but top up to the amount you'd usually give in cash?

I totally understand why you'd want to give her a gift. Cash is handy but hardly memorable.

Original poster

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 22:36

Thank you @hattie43 and @Nelliephant1 i was starting to think I was some sort of monster. I could top up but it would only be about £20 (happy to do it though!).

OP posts:

Parentcarerandcrazy · 28/04/2022 22:36

We asked for spends for our honeymoon (in a nice polite way!) but we did get a few physical gifts which we also really appreciated, such as champagne and my best friend got me a gorgeous set of tea cups that I absolutely loved. TBH one of the most useful gifts was (admittedly an inexpensive) pair of his and hers bottle stops - which we still use to this day (12 years on!), It was from my DHs work colleague and I really appreciated the thought, it was a lady I'd never actually met before.

Original poster

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 22:37

I might just give cash in case her view is the same as a lot of peoples in this thread. It’s a shame as I genuinely loved our gifts and it didn’t cross my mind that people were being selfish/rude/anything other than nice.

OP posts:

LoveAllCakes · 28/04/2022 22:37

I had two weddings last year, both family and asked for cash. Bought them both gifts. The phrase we want your presence not presents followed by a request for cash did it for me.

Wineat5isfine · 28/04/2022 22:40

Is there an option to do both? Gift plus usual
amount of cash?

Kendodd · 28/04/2022 22:40

Just give them the cash.
I got married long before cash was a trend and people had gift lists at John Lewis or somewhere. People bought presents from our list, the couple of guests who didn't and decided to buy us something 'we'd love' . We didn't like either of these gifts and after hanging around in the house for a bit they ended up in the bin. Our friends of course thought we loved what they'd given us, because that's the act we put on (like you do) and what we told them. I'd say probably most of the other presents from our list we still have and use 26 years later.

ImInStealthMode · 28/04/2022 22:40

She's you best friend OP, if you think she'll love it, get it.

A couple we're close to are getting married this year, they've asked for honeymoon funds but instead we're having them something personal made by a friend of ours that's an incredible artist (at full public rate, before anyone asks). I'm confident they'll love it, because I know them well.

PlasticineMeg · 28/04/2022 22:41

Just give her money like she’s asked for

ImInStealthMode · 28/04/2022 22:42

Ps.. we're getting married this summer too, and have asked (if anyone wishes to gift us anything) for a 'date' idea for our first year of marriage.

Could be a voucher for something, could be a literal written suggestion in a card. Could be a toaster. We'll be grateful regardless.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6