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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a gift when they’ve asked for cash? (Wedding)

144 replies

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 21:59

Best friends wedding soon. I’ve found a gorgeous gift from Anthropologie that I think she/her partner would love. They’ve asked for ££ for the honeymoon (no hate as everyone we know does that and that’s fine!) but when DH and I got married we got a few lovely homeware items which I love using and bring back fond memories and I hope this would do the same.
AIBU? Cost is slightly less than what I’d generally give in cash.

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 29/04/2022 06:49

Marvellousmadness · 28/04/2022 22:25

Yabu. Some best friend you are...

FFS, this place is truly mental at times.

newnamethanks · 29/04/2022 06:53

I expect you know what they want better than they do OP give them what you know they want rather than what they've asked for. What do they know? Don't be surprised when it's returned to you in Christmas wrapping. It'll be just what you want.

20viona · 29/04/2022 07:05

Give them the cash and mention you'd seen something she might like.

mewkins · 29/04/2022 07:07

I'd buy her the gift. And, like you said, include the receipt. The asking for cash wasn't a demand and you know her. If she really hates it she can cash it in.

Chances are she will love it.

Floraanddougal · 29/04/2022 07:13

How do you know how much she’s got in the bank?

I never really understand the whole concept of ignoring what people say they want and deciding you know better. How very odd.

ShandaLear · 29/04/2022 07:17

She has asked for cash.

Original poster
WhatsHoppening · 29/04/2022 07:26

@Floraanddougal I don’t know exactly amounts obviously but she and her DH have had very large inheritances in the recent past and have good jobs, were bought a house by their parents etc so they aren’t short of a few bob!

OP posts:
Cherry35 · 29/04/2022 07:33

If it were my best friend I'd give her both, cash and gift if it's within my possibilities.

Good Best friends are hard to get and her wedding is a big step.

WhenDovesFly · 29/04/2022 07:34

She's your best friend OP and you know her better than any of us. If you're SURE that BOTH of them will love the gift you have in mind (they're both getting married, not just your BF) then go with the gift. It will probably be nice to have a physical gift to open rather than all envelopes of money.

Foolsrule · 29/04/2022 07:37

‘Give what they’ve asked for’ sort of takes away from the joy of gift giving, doesn’t it?

IcedOatLatte · 29/04/2022 07:49

Staffy1 · 28/04/2022 23:52

Give the gift if you think it’s something they would love. Everyone else will be giving cash, so it’s not like they won’t get any.

That doesn't follow at all, how do you know that all the other guests aren't thinking exactly the same thing. They might get no cash whatsoever

Or do you actually know the B and G involved and all the friends?

bcc89 · 29/04/2022 07:52

LoveAllCakes · 28/04/2022 22:37

I had two weddings last year, both family and asked for cash. Bought them both gifts. The phrase we want your presence not presents followed by a request for cash did it for me.

I honestly can't imagine being this much of a dick 😂

Crudger · 29/04/2022 07:56

we didn’t say anything about presents and got mostly a mix of John Lewis vouchers and cash. Out of about 170 people around 5 gave us presents. Very personal and thoughtful ones- except for a hideous ornament. We liked having something to open as well as the sea of envelopes. Go for it.

Sisisimone · 29/04/2022 07:59

We asked for cash, just so we didn't end up with a thousand toasters really,but some people bought presents regardless and I loved them. I would buy her the gift and top up the cash and just let her know that you saw it and thought she'd love it.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 29/04/2022 08:00

Personally a homemade item would mean nothing to me but obviously I have no clue how your friend wold feel

Huh? Nobody has suggested giving a homemade gift. Op has said she's thinking of giving something from Anthropologie, which imo are high quality and mostly bloody lovely!

I would give the gift, if you are sure they will love it

Harridan1981 · 29/04/2022 08:00

I think you should get the gift.

GreenClock · 29/04/2022 08:03

It won’t look like a spite-present so don’t worry about that! But think carefully. You know her well and I’m sure you’ll make the right choice.

lljkk · 29/04/2022 08:11

"Isn't this lovely? Thought you might want to know about it" - send with link to item you think she'd love.

& give cash as gift. Best of all worlds. Thought and what they want.

LetItGoHome · 29/04/2022 08:14

Why don't you ask her outright? Say you have spotted something lovely that you think they would love but will stick to the cash request if they would rather. It seems a shame to miss out on a special gift from her friend. She probably asked for money as she didn't want her home overrun with stuff. So put out a blanket money request for all.

opensunflower · 29/04/2022 08:16

Oh god, no. Don't spend £100 on a dish. They want cash

IsabelHerna · 29/04/2022 08:17

I'd get the gift, its more memorable. People in 5years rarely remember how much money (or even if you gave them).

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2022 08:20

LoveAllCakes · 28/04/2022 22:37

I had two weddings last year, both family and asked for cash. Bought them both gifts. The phrase we want your presence not presents followed by a request for cash did it for me.

So you made it all about you? Strange….

PurassicJark · 29/04/2022 08:26

WhatsHoppening · 28/04/2022 22:20

@Libertaire im not trying to make it all about me honestly. They have plenty of money and have asked for cash as they don’t really have any need for a gift list. We had cash for our wedding but I genuinely loved the few items some guests kindly gave us instead of money and thought they would feel the same. I’m not trying to make any sort of statement.

That was you though. They may not appreciate it.

Get her that present for her birthday or Christmas. Not for the wedding.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 29/04/2022 08:28

Honestly... give them cash.

Electrox · 29/04/2022 08:30

Give them a delightful engraved cheeseboard.