Returning gift to giver - is this ever ok?

[Noname1999]

I gave a gift to someone who didn't like it and gave it back to me. The gift wasn't anything they were allergic to/goes against their beliefs/offensive/they aren't on a diet. It was in the same family is things they like a lot and use all the time

I think it's really rude to return a gift. Don't you just regift it/let your co-workers/children have it/send it to the charity shop as appropriate?

AIBU?

YABU - It's ok to return a gift if you don't like it
YANBU - It's never ok to return a gift

I once returned a kitchen gadget I already had - thanked them profusely but hoped they could get their money back as it was expensive. I guess it depends who the giver is, and what the item is.

I would never return a gift. It's a shitty thing to do.

I would if it was close family and I already had the item/it was the wrong size etc. but I would only do that if they could swap it for me. I wouldn’t just give it back because I don’t like it and say nothing else, that’s definitely rude!

If I made a gift then yes I would prefer it back than it go to a charity shop.

My mum gave my back the birthday presents I got her 😒 personally I think it’s rude.

I’ve actually only known this happen once: my mother gave a relative a baby present for his child and his wife sent it back, with a note saying it wasn’t to her taste.

My mother was surprised and very offended. I think most people would be.

i think it depends who it is and the type of relationship . I’ve given things back to my sister in the past and I’m pretty sure she’s given me stuff back and neither of us is offended .

I think this is another thing that depends on your attitude to gift buying.

If you think the point of a gift is for the benefit of the receiver, then I see no issue in returning something you don't want/can't use to the person who gave it to you especially, if they are someone who is close to you.

If you consider that a gift is social nicety and as much for the giver's benefit as the receipient's then clearly the recipient must say how much they love it, thank the giver profusely and then wonder what on earth they do with it.

You've probably guessed that I am in the first camp. More people seem to be in the second camp which is why I generally ask people not to give me stuff unless they are 100% sure I really want it.

Very much depends on the giver. But gifts receipts are a thing for a reason.

I'd much rather exchange a gift for something that will be used and liked than for a gift to be heading straight to the charity shop.

I should have been clearer. 😣The recipient returned the gift to the giver (me). I could care less if they returned it to the shop.

Why did they return it?

It’s rude, my mum gave me my Christmas gift back. I decided to do the same as she gave me a lot of tat and she refused to take it.

There's a massive difference between a kindly "Ooh, I'm sorry - that's so kind of you, but you have such a good idea of what I like that I already have one; is there any chance you'd be able to exchange it?" and an abrupt Andy-from-Little-Britain-style "I don't like it!"

I agree that it's different perspectives as to the purpose of giving the gift. Also, I've known some people with ASD who will tell you that they don't like/want a present and hand it back - not to be rude at all but just being honest and, maybe, thinking that, if you chose it, you might genuinely like to have it for yourself, rather than them just have to get rid of it.

A friend bought a gift for her niece’s baby . It was a lovely outfit from Next . Niece returned it saying that she didn’t want her baby in cheap High Street clothes !

I think it’s a very rude thing to do. But I’m old school, and think you should say thank you for a gift - wether it’s a written note, phone call or email or a text.
On the plus side - it’s one less person to think and buy a gift for in the future.

Rude and offensive. Just smile and thank the gifter then discreetly regift.
Just make sure you don't accidentally regift it back to the same person 🤣

I think if someone takes the time to choose a gift they hope the receiver would like, to then have it returned is rude. I choose a pair of earrings from a local designer that I thought my sister would like, she just opened them and handed me them back! I thought that was rude, so now she gets vouchers every birthday and Christmas. I suppose it saves me time.

My FIL returned a gift to us in 1990 (not that I bear a grudge, you understand!) It wasn't expensive but DH and I were just starting out and had very little money, so when we saw this book that we thought FIL would like we were delighted.

3 days later he gave it back to us and said it was rubbish 😔We were so embarrassed and upset. He probably hasn't even realised but we don't buy him a "proper" gift any more, he just gets a box of sweets.

So in answer to the OP, I think it is fucking rude. Different if it was to do with exchanging clothes for a different size/colour of course.

Was it anything like this though?

me - I want x
mum - you should have y it’s better
me - no I want x for various reasons

Xmas day mum buys y “you said you wanted it, see I do listen. Aren’t I a super wonderful gift giver”

I haven’t given it back, it’s just on a shelf, but I’m sure I wouldn’t be wrong if I did!

3 days later he gave it back to us and said it was rubbish

I think there's also a subtle distinction between whether they're just 'declining' the opportunity to have a gift on this occasion or clearly implying that you need to try again and that you owe them a better gift. So rude of him.

It is so rude to do that.

Years ago I bought an ex boyfriends mum a scarf she said she wanted. I was only 17 and I really wanted this very difficult woman to like me. She opened it, seemed pleased, then when she realised I had bought it and not her son, she promptly handed it back to me. I said, "I'm sorry, was it not the one you wanted?" She said "not from you, no!" I was so humiliated!

Is it someone you can stop buying gifts for? Do vouchers or just a card going forward?

Same here. I don't get why people would prefer wasting money on a gift that's going in the bin/charity bag rather than exchange it for something the recipient would like!

Although some social niceties do come in to play I guess. I wouldn't give back a gift from work colleagues for instance but would family & friends.

Sorry, that was meant to quote @redskythisnight

It's hurtful. Assuming that it's something that's clearly been chosen as a personal gift, no I would never return it, and I hope no-one would do that to me.

But since I dont want anyone to get something they really don't like or won't use, I often put the receipt (preferably a gift receipt, but either would do) in a small envelope which I slip inside the wrapping with an invitation to swap it if it's not to their taste/is a duplicate. I won't exactly mind if they tell me they've done so, but I'd prefer not to know, really.