Returning gift to giver - is this ever ok?

[Noname1999]

I gave a gift to someone who didn't like it and gave it back to me. The gift wasn't anything they were allergic to/goes against their beliefs/offensive/they aren't on a diet. It was in the same family is things they like a lot and use all the time

I think it's really rude to return a gift. Don't you just regift it/let your co-workers/children have it/send it to the charity shop as appropriate?

AIBU?

YABU - It's ok to return a gift if you don't like it
YANBU - It's never ok to return a gift

My mother is massively into Waterford Crystal...once when I stayed with her it was over Christmas, we were in the crystal department of a department store and I saw Waterford Crystal were doing Christmas tree decorations, with the year engraved. I bought her one as I thought it would be a nice memento of my visit/that Christmas.

Last time I saw her she gave it me back, saying 'I'll never use it'. That was years ago and I'm still pissed off about it.

You could care less or couldn't care less?

Rude and attention seeking.

I would never return a present to the person who gave it to me, but I have sometimes taken a gift to a charity shop completely unused. I do feel bad about it, but I wish people would take notice of "I don't want any presents, thanks".

I think it all depends on who the gift was for or is being returned from, cost of the gift in relation to your personal finances and why they are retuning it. For example, I don't want a £5 secret Santa gift returned to me as I spend more than that at Costa regularly (😬) but if I've spent say £70 on DM or DF then I'd want to know the gift was well received and going to be used. I'd rather be given it back to return if it is going to be passed on or sit unused and allow them to select something else.

I had three people (MIL, her partner and then a close friend) return items of clothing at Christmas that we had purchased for size or style reasons. I am not annoyed about it as we spent about £200 on these altogether so I'd rather know each gift receiver would wear the items rather than worry they'd offend me by retuning it- we definitely don't have £200 to throw away on clothes gathering dust in people's wardrobes.

My sister has done this twice - a watch she said she wouldn’t wear and then a scarf the Christmas everyone gave her a scarf. I didn’t think less of her. I appreciate what she does keep and that she doesnt want me to waste money on stuff she doesnt appreciate. I haven’t done the same but I prefer that she think I love everything she buys me

It is extremely rude. If they don't want/like the gift they could re-gift it, sell it, or give to charity - but to return it to the sender, no way. If someone did that to me it would be the last gift they ever got.

i would quite like the last gift i gave be returned to me- i always give something i would like to receive anyway, and the last was a wedding gift- a quaint, whimsical item, wrapped up with a few hundred pounds cash (as requested)- neither acknowledged, so not 100% sure the bride and groom received it- feel awkward asking if they got it, i wish id just bank transferred the money now 😡

Was it your mum?

I've had it.
I find it better than being thanked graciously for something they don't want or like.
i returned them and bought replacement gifts. No problem

I should have been clearer. 😣The recipient returned the gift to the giver (me)

No, you didn't need to be clearer. It was written in the OP. If anyone didn't get it, it is on them for not reading your post.

What I want to know is what did they say ?
I get loads of gifts from a couple of people I am related to that continue to get me things I don't want, despite me suggesting alternatives over the years, but I can't ever imagine handing it back to them

If someone returned something they just didn’t like, I would be pretty offended that they didn’t understand the courtesy of accepting something graciously, and I certainly wouldn’t buy them a gift in the future.
different if it’s something like wrong size etc.
TBH though I always buy gift vouchers if I’m not sure what to give.

Hello Sheldon
It’s generally accepted to be very rude.

Although some social niceties do come in to play I guess. I wouldn't give back a gift from work colleagues for instance but would family & friends.

I wouldn't return a gift to colleague or the extended family & friends who'll give odd 'occasional' gift, wedding, new baby type gift either. That would be incredibly rude.

My mum however is always mad keen to make sure gifts are 'right' particularly the kids, wants to see them try stuff on, she would much rather return something than for it to hang in the back of the wardrobe never to see the light of day.

My ILs have a very different attitude they were offended when I suggested a dupilicate kids book could stay at their house. They would never ask if the kids stuff suited or suggest it could be changed. Any hints that something is too big is met with 'oh he'll grow into it'. So I wouldn't ask them to exchange something. Sad but true I've charity shopped stuff that was 2 sizes too big and i didn't think DS would ever wear it. My other DC has had stuff that's lay until it was outgrown and never worn. So change in attitude from me, why keep the clutter?

I returned gifts to an ex-boyfriend after I had made it clear I was not interested but he kept sending them.
There are some circumstances where it is necessary to make a point.

But generally, it's a hurtful, unnecessarily rude thing to do.

It's just rude and bad manners.
I recently got a mustard yellow hand knitted cardigan for my baby. Not to my taste at all. So disappointed as I adore hand knitted items I think they're very special but I would never put the colour on a newborn baby girl. I sent it to the charity shop and feel bad as it must have taken the person such a long time to knit.

3 days later he gave it back to us and said it was rubbish 😔We were so embarrassed and upset.

That's really shitty.

My mum has a similar situation going on in that a family member bought her a years subscription for books. None of the books are remotely related to what she reads(and this person knows what she reads) so every month another woeful book arrives and mum just puts them in a pile and worries about what she should say when/if the giver asks what she thinks of them 🤣

My mil occasionally brings bags of things to us if she's having a clear out and makes it perfectly clear we can charity shop anything we don't want (China mugs and teabag rests, I'm looking at you) once there was a big pack of tealights id bought her one Xmas with some nice candle holders. She said she doesn't use candles, even unscented as they give her a headache, but I use a fair amount so I was happy to have the candles back, and I was glad she felt she could tell me straight that she didn't use them so I didn't buy them again.

I know I've bought my mum clothes she never wears including some nice coats and bags, she's more than happy for me to rummage around and grab an outfit or accessory to borrow, but she always thinks she should be keeping things for 'best' bless her so she's glad they're getting used. She even let my ten year old wear a leather jacket of hers when he dressed up as wolverine for school 😃now i stick to the fail safe sherry, chocolate, slippers and bubble bath. She's only 60 aswell but she is definitely a homebird.

My m'n'law keep giving clothes as gifts that either didn't fit my kids or weren't going to be worn (think bra tops for my 8 year old) or just not to their taste. For years we thanked her politely and eventually gave them away. But the waste of her money eventually became too much for me and one year we asked if a very sparkly leotard she had given my daughter disliked could be exchanged for one my daughter wanted to wear to her gym class and she did do this but from then onwards she stopped buying clothes for them.

Definitely not ok, unless the gifter has very explicitly said this ok. There have been occasions where eg. my mum has bought me an item of clothing and said 'if you don't like I'll swap it' and I've taken her up on it, because that's better than it not being worn. But otherwise no, very rude

Changed name as usual name would be outing to gift giver who is on group. I’m the recipient in this sort of situation and have never said a thing despite hating the gifts.

I have a close relative who keeps giving me gifts I won’t use either because they’re not my taste, don’t fit in with my lifestyle or I don’t have the relevant component parts for them to be useful - think party crockery for someone who never has guests, clothes that are way off base style wise or jewellery when don’t wear any. But, crucially, they ARE things the giver has and enjoys receiving.

Its got so bad that the last couple of years worth of birthday/Christmas gifts haven’t even been opened as the packaging gives away exactly what they are and they’re things that aren’t wanted or useable without an expensive base unit that I don’t have, don’t want and couldn’t afford even if I did want it. They will sit in a box gathering dust until the world ends and giver will never know - and they will probably keep buying the same line of gifts as, for the “right” person, they’re the perfect easy gift (to the point of being minimum thought presents). I just wish they wouldn’t bother wasting what is a pretty significant amount of money every time and would prefer no gift to a “no thought” gift.

Sorry - that ended up as a long rant🙁

I wouldn't normally ever but I once refused to accept & immediately handed back a bottle of alcohol someone gave me.
They knew I didn't drink, I'd bought them an appropriate gift which they kept. I think they deliberately tried to give me alcohol bc they knew I wouldn't accept 😂🙄

Never returned a gift in my life however taken it to charity shops or given it to friends who are really unlikely cross paths with the gift giver. It's generally stuff that are not my style or lifestyle or doesn't fit. When I was getting married to DH, his family (culturally) were meant to gift me with either their family heirloom or jewellery to go with the wedding dress. I was gifted with this most tacky necklace that thankfully broke and instead wore my mothers gift instead on the wedding day. My sil (bil's wife who married a few years after me) on the other hand got gifted the heirloom and a extravagant diamond necklace set. I'm not a grabby person and didn't expect anything from them despite them being minted did make me consider taking it back to them. I'm still annoyed about it though, mainly the fact that they were dictating I should wear that piece of crap and the fact that they walk on eggshells when it comes to SIL and hardly see their gc but when it comes to me and DH, they have no boundaries. I've witnessed many other favouritism towards them. When they moan about SIL I always tell them how amazing she is just to annoy them though :)