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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents in law and holiday bill - please tell me who is in the wrong!

272 replies

spandauballet · 27/04/2022 17:28

Husband and I get on well with his parents (mum and step dad). They live in Cornwall, we go down regularly, they come up to London to see us etc. They are lovely, generous, very hands on with our kids etc.

In Jan we agreed we'd all go on holiday together this year. We went to Majorca together in 2017 which was lovely, so decided to go again this July and also include my dad who gets on well with them too. In March MIL found 5 accommodation options and sent them to us, saying we can choose out of those, they don't mind. We chose a 4-bed apartment, consulted everyone, and I booked and payed (£2400), with us all agreeing to split costs (40% us, 30/30% parents).

Over Easter we went down to Cornwall for a week and whilst there DH had a disagreement with his stepdad. Nothing to do with holiday whatsoever but ended in very heated discussion and MIL getting upset. (Neither were right or wrong just different opinions and they should have just agreed to disagree). Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday”. She also decided without discussion that what we had booked is not big enough.

When asked, she stated they would not pay their share of the one I'd already booked. This leaves us with £750-ish added to our holiday bill without any consultation. I am livid. Neither of them seem to think this is bad since we are "getting use of an extra bedroom". I don't need an extra bedroom - our kids are 5 and 2 and will share.

AIBU to think you can't just decide not to partake in an agreed holiday without paying your share? If I had already got their share, she would not have booked a new place! What do I do now?

OP posts:
AshBashCash · 28/04/2022 21:37

To add to this, I would not-under any circumstance-discuss the great deal you got on cancellation of the reservation. She will be the guilty feeling one in the end, but she will feel it privately which is just as well:)

5128gap · 28/04/2022 21:45

Momicrone · 27/04/2022 17:42

I'm guessing it's the husband demanding it

That was my thought too. The MIL is getting all the flak but she and her husband are jointly responsible for paying, and it was he not her who was part of the problem in the first place, and he who has less reason to want the family holiday. Has no one suggested he should be asked to pay?

Blossomtoes · 28/04/2022 21:47

Has no one suggested he should be asked to pay?

What happened to family money?

AshBashCash · 28/04/2022 21:52

Im assuming its the MIL bc that's what the OP says and she's the one that reserved another place

Lollypop701 · 28/04/2022 21:56

Bit surprised you are saying dh will probably come along, would he not come with you usually on a family holiday? Other than that, I’d tell the in-laws it was too expensive without them and you’ve been lucky enough to book something else. Hope they enjoy their holiday

DisappearingGirl · 28/04/2022 22:04

I'm glad you got the money back.

I'd definitely tell them as soon as possible, especially if PIL are normally nice and you normally have a good relationship. They behaved badly on this occasion but it would be such a shame to ruin a generally good relationship. Also would be nice to cut MIL some slack if you genuinely suspect a medical issue (HRT)

3luckystars · 28/04/2022 22:06

Definitely tell them that you have cancelled. Don’t change who you are because of what they did. Stay nice. Good luck.

ICannotRememberAThing · 28/04/2022 22:16

Tell them you’ve cancelled.
Reason: Can’t pay for the full apartment yourselves.

Tell then you’re looking at doing something else.

Lurkerlot · 28/04/2022 22:22

TalkingCat · 28/04/2022 18:33

My dad and DH dad will probably come along- they get along well and are both very easy going. Lesson learnt about getting everyone’s money first before booking!

Is there a reason you can't holiday with your own husband and children, like all normal nuclear families? Are you afraid to be alone with just your husband and DC? As a family? Just wondering why you need your parents with you on your holiday.

it depends how much you value and get on with your own parents. Because before you know it, they get ailments, become fragile are suddenly old quickly, and then they are gone. Spend time with them whilst you can.

Ionlydomassiveones · 28/04/2022 22:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Lulu49 · 28/04/2022 22:43

Cancel the whole thing

TheOriginalChatelaine · 28/04/2022 22:43

Anyone else wanting to be a fly on the wall?! Seriously though, for the sake of all concerned I hope this does not cause a family rift. The plain fact of the increased cost was the deciding factor. Not forgetting there's always Cornwall.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/04/2022 22:48

Glad you managed to get most of the cash back! I think you should tell MIL you’ve cancelled now though, seems a bit unnecessarily passive aggressive not to. Their behaviour was definitely unreasonable but doesn’t mean you have to be unreasonable back!

Calphurnia88 · 28/04/2022 22:51

spandauballet · 27/04/2022 18:09

To answer a few questions:

Yes I was there during the argument (more a heated debate)- it was about salaries in London vs the SW, with FIL saying they are better in SW in his industry and DH trying to correct him (DH is in same industry and has worked in both places). They were hugging and all fine by the next day. They are very close, get on well, but are both stubborn and are two sides of the same coin.

We have considered inviting someone else along (DH suggested his dad - MIL ex-husband haha), but I am just not in the mood to go away with them now. It is tainted. This is our first time abroad since pre-covid and I want to look forward to it.

As mentioned, we could cancel but will lose 50% of the £2.4k. I have sent a sob story email to property owner to see if I can improve that and waiting to hear back.

Also MIL has said her new accommodation also only offers 50% refund. Although it doesn't sound like she is remotely motivated to cancel hers anyway!

FWIW I think you have made the right call cancelling... However there is now a risk that PIL will be out of pocket, as they have booked accommodation for a family holiday they wouldn't otherwise go on and can only claim 50% refund themselves.

Fully appreciate they made this decision without consulting you, but would it have been wise to - have been the bigger person - and let them know you would be cancelling the holiday?

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 28/04/2022 22:57

Glad you got most of your money back.
Agree that you should tell PiL now, don't play immature games.

ChickinMarango · 28/04/2022 23:13

WimpoleHat · 28/04/2022 21:04

I would tell them. In a matter of fact, practical way. “Just to let you know - as we couldn’t afford to pay your share of the accommodation, I asked the owner if we could cancel. She kindly agreed and has given me a refund (minus the £200 booking fee). We obviously won’t be booking flights now, so thought I’d let you know in good time so that you can sort out your own.”

Exactly this! Be grown up and the bigger person. 😇

Pickabearanybear · 29/04/2022 00:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Pickabearanybear · 29/04/2022 00:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

DodgyKneesCyril · 29/04/2022 00:04

Lollypop701 · 28/04/2022 21:56

Bit surprised you are saying dh will probably come along, would he not come with you usually on a family holiday? Other than that, I’d tell the in-laws it was too expensive without them and you’ve been lucky enough to book something else. Hope they enjoy their holiday

She said her DH's dad will probably come along, not DH

WildCoasts · 29/04/2022 00:09

Just tell MIL to close the issue. Otherwise it will be hanging over your head as unfinished business. I'd just let her know that the change in accommodation arrangements meant you couldn't afford it, so you cancelled and will do something else for your holiday. I wouldn't mention her own plans in the original location. It's up to her what she does about that.

TurquoiseSwirl · 29/04/2022 00:24

When it comes up, don’t mention you got the money back minus the £200, just say you had to cancel as you couldn’t cover the extra for a room you weren’t using/didn’t want to explain to the kids why grandparents weren’t there etc

RealityTV · 29/04/2022 00:36

If she agreed to pay in text or email, AND I couldn't get the money back, I would ask them to pay and tell them legally they need to compensate you or you're going to sue. A deal is a deal. She can change her mind, but she HAS to pay! If I could get my money back, I would do so and book in another place at another time with your husband, kids and dad.

Booklover3 · 29/04/2022 00:36

I’d just tell her and get it over and done with OP. She’s only got herself to blame really but I’m sure she’ll try blaming you

DPotter · 29/04/2022 01:42

Queenbee77
Eurocamp at La Baume in the south of France! Try it! You can drive there! Works out cheaper....lol..

God I love La Baume & Frejus

lborgia · 29/04/2022 01:44

Who in their right mind books new accomodation without telling you first?!

Also, why were they paying 60% in the first place?

How did they end up making up and hugging, and yet MIL still felt the need to rush off and book something separate?

So.Many.QUESTIONS.