Annoyed at the Opticians.

[johnandsally]

My 10 ASD child had an appointment at the Optician for a routine eye appointment.

Before the appointment, she was really stressed out and was really worrying that her current frames had been discontinued. She has worn the same style frame for 5 years. She loves these frames!

Before the appointment we went and checked that they were still available, they were, all was good.

After the appointment, we always look at the other frames and she will maybe try on another 2-3 pairs, at this point I was certain, she would be choosing the same frames as before. Whilst trying them on, I was praising her and how lovely the alternative frames were etc.

This is a process we have adopted over the 7 years she has worn glasses and works well.

Out of nowhere a member of staff appeared and said really loudly "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

We carried on trying on the glasses and we were talking each pair through.

Then again, the member of staff appeared and said "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position again and said nicely and calmly "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Five minutes later.... back they come.... "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body AGAIN into a stop position and said "I know, but we really are fine, thank you" Staff member then said "Well an optician needs to check and they will tell you they are too big and can't have them"

At this point, my daughter began dancing on the spot and was clinging onto me for dear life and I very sternly said "I know, we are working through a process here and you are not helping"

They finally left us alone.

I feel really guilty that I got so arsy, they were only doing their job, but seriously, AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Was it too much like the London traffic police?

The OP had explained in advance to the optician and the assistant designated to her. This was someone who was not involved in serving her.

Lol

Now I have the OP in my mind doing this

OP YANBU at all - he sounds a real pain not getting the hint

OP unfortunately on Mumsnet you will not get a sympathetic response regarding neurodiversity and children. You should be calling shops beforehand etc. You should be managing your child better etc., because I am sure you have time to ring every shop/service you attend with your child to deal with pestering shop assistants?

I would be annoyed OP. Irrespective of customer service just yelling at a customer three times that glasses are too big is just rude. You said after the first time you knew, but you were ok, that should be the end of it. What did she think if she constantly repeated the same thing you would suddenly go, "ok actually. We will get something else?"

Fine to voice concern once but that should be the end of it.

I fucking hate Specsavers. Pushy twats.

Is it Specsavers - missed where Op said this.

But we've stop going there as they were bloody awful to us last visit - customer service was appalling both pushy and unable to get anything right.

Such ablist crap! Her daughter is not 'playing dress up!'

But also, did you read Op's posts?
Sensibly trying on 3 pairs of glasses as allowed as as per covid guidelines, is not
'treating the place like a theme park'

Honestly

and children need to have their glasses fitted at the opticians, you shouldn't just buy them online.

What's with all the moving of hands to top of bodies? Sounds like semaphore practice.

I'm loving the way everyone is doing a faux-naive thing about people moving their hands while they talk, a completely universal and normal thing to do. I'm assuming OP means something like Jerry Seinfeld does here - something I see people do all the time, yes in restaurants, yes at home and never meant or taken rudely!

Specsavers are lovely with my DS. It is bloody Boots the Optician who are a nightmare near me.

Gestured instructions always run the risk of coming across as peremptory/imperious/dismissive (i.e. gestures telling people to do things like "come here", "put that there", "be quiet", "stop now", "go over there" — not things like gestures inviting people to cross the road in front of you, or meaning "hello" or "no thank you" or whatever). Instruction gestures can just irrationally get your back up even when you know they're for a good reason.

For example, recently I was walking on a local road that doesn't have a pavement, on the right as recommended by the Highway Code. A horserider was coming the other way, obviously on the left from her perspective, so directly towards me. A car driver would just move out into the road to pass me, but instead the rider signalled from her saddle that I should cross to the left, and although I knew full well that she knows her horse's temperament and if her horse wasn't comfortable passing me it would be safer for me on the left, and that it wouldn't make sense for her to start a shouted conversation from horseback, I still felt an irrational tingle of irritation at being directed around by gesture. It's just one of those things.

OP has dialed back on it now to make it seem like a "no thank you" gesture but initially described it as a "stop" instruction gesture, so yes, it was possibly a little bit rude IMO. Though perhaps in this situation a little rudeness might be justified.

Is it the case though that those of us who are autistic or who have autistic children are more likely to use gestures as a visual aid to our meaning. Sensory overload often means that hand signs are a part of daily life when spoken words may not be processed?

I have an autistic child and don’t wave my hand in peoples face to make a point! To me that to a stranger would in pretty much all circumstances be wrong.

I get the OPs frustrations but I don’t think she handled it in the best way and made it a bigger issue than it needed to be.

I don't understand how everyone is answering about the hand gesture when asked about the assistant's persistance? Unless, the thinking is that the gesture was so very rude the assistant too offence and kept coming back to irritate the OP on purpose in revenge?

Otherwise, wouldn't the hand gesture thing only be relevant if the assistant had then ignored the OP and so the situation the OP was asking about had been caused be the hand gesture?

The hand gesture is not important. It is not what made the assistant behave the way they did. Nothing about it says "I want you to repeatedly bug me". Quite the opposite, really.

I only go to local opticians now. Mine is an oasis of calm unlike vision express/specsavers which are as frantic as Primark on a Saturday afternoon

I have an autistic child and don’t wave my hand in peoples face to make a point! To me that to a stranger would in pretty much all circumstances be wrong

Pretty sure the op doesn't do that either.

I don't think the OP did wave in someone's face. I do wish people would read the thread and stop exaggerating.

Quite.

So if the optician and the assistant were both dealing with you, why didn't you say to the other assistant "We're being looked after by the optician but thanks for your help". That would have shut the interaction down immediately

Not sure it would, as the assistant seemed to not understand "we're fine thank you".

Was it a Stop or a No we are ok thank you gesture?

She should have backed off the first time you said you didn't require any help, the interjecting itself was rude. That being said to avoid a similar situation I would have telephoned the store prior to your child's appointment and explained the process you would have to work through.

I would ring the store and complain. They may well be able to do something like put a note on your child's records saying they need more time when trying on or choosing frames that you are not to be approached until you ask for help etc. Clearly this operative is lacking in customer service and made the process more difficult for you. I'd not be happy with that either.

That being said to avoid a similar situation I would have telephoned the store prior to your child's appointment and explained the process you would have to work through

the OP has stated several times that she did explain to both the optician and the assistant who was actually serving her.

They may well be able to do something like put a note on your child's records saying they need more time when trying on or choosing frames that you are not to be approached until you ask for help etc there's no need for that surely. OP can just say we are ok thanks I'll ask if I need help. There are load of kids who will need a bit of time before deciding.

That being said to avoid a similar situation I would have telephoned the store prior to your child's appointment and explained the process you would have to work through. and this is ridiculous too. You can't have everyone who has a kid with a routine phoning up to explain before hand that's just silly.