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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here????

438 replies

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 09:46

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

OP posts:
NoThanksThough · 27/04/2022 11:57

Thank you!!! That's my point - why not give it back or say something instead of ignoring it. Her excuse was she didn't want to "point score" by pointing out the error which I just don't buy tbh

Did you not notice the error yourself before giving him it?

I honestly don't know what I would done in that situation, I've seen how sneery some people can be over spelling and grammar mistakes, especially on here, and I've had my own spelling corrected in the past and you end up feeling thick and stupid. I wouldn't have out my son in it and I'd have assumed you thought it was the correct your because you didn't notice when checking it yourself and I wouldn't want to make you think I was calling you thick by pointing out your error.

It sounds like you don't like her much and that you wouldn't have taken her correcting yourself grammar mistakes kindly.

I'm gonna give the ex the benefit of the doubt and say she probably didn't know how to approach you, I wouldn't have put my child in a with a grammar error that people mock and tease people for, if she put that jacket in him she would either have to allow everyone to think she can't spell or point out to everyone it was you, while also hoping the kids don't pick up on the comments the adults will make and tease or bully her son too.

It wouldn't just be at the party either, no doubt people would have taken photos with intention of sharing them among their friends too.

Incapacitated · 27/04/2022 11:58

I think it's entirely plausible that she didn't want to be seen to be point scoring. You sound like you would have taken it that way.

I would expect to dress my own child on their birthday. Wouldn't appreciate someone buying something for it.

Many people are annoyed by misuse of your and you're. Not so much that they'd go pointing out other people's mistakes but enough that they wouldn't wear the item. I wouldn't. Especially thinking of the photographs that would immortalise it.

Don't understand why you couldn't take him out in it in your own time. Or why you expected it to be given back when you had explicitly given it to be worn there. Or why you think a woman wouldn't be tactful and decide it was best to say nothing

PleasantFucker · 27/04/2022 11:58

YOU'RE not gonna make that mistake again are you?🙃
I think the mum's reasoning is valid, she didn't want to make you feel bad. Sounds like you dislike her.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 27/04/2022 11:59

Oh for heaven's sake, OP, 99% of the thread think you are being unreasonable. So YABU. Stop arguing back. You look like you are spoiling for a fight and I'm 100% with your DSSs Mum who is obviously keeping you at arm's length for damage control. Most 8 year old's would be mortified to wear a jacket with their name on. Let alone with a really obvious grammatical error on it. Why do you want it back? DSS clearly isn't going to wear it at yours (PLEASE don't make him). And the grammatical error on the top was yours, I assume, so you can't take it back. Channel you inner Elsa and let it go.

GooglyEyeballs · 27/04/2022 12:00

OP after your update I gather that you and DH gave the kid a faulty gift, that even if it wasn't faulty would be useless anyway and then you asked for it back so essentially he got nothing from you? Didn't you get him anything else or at least replace the faulty jacket with something more appropriate? Haven't you considered how he must have felt receiving a faulty jacket that you couldn't be bothered to check was right before giving to him? That's a pretty poor effort! This is your own doing, his real mum hasn't done anything wrong. Seems she'd lose with you whatever she did. Try to be kinder. I think you should apologise to his mum for causing a scene and apologize to your husband's son for the gift and for causing drama around his birthday. And both you and H should get him something decent. Completely tone deaf, you're making and EIGHT YEAR OLDS birthday all about your ego! Shocking!

WoodenClock · 27/04/2022 12:01

Someone once made me a t-shirt to wear to an event that had a bad grammatical error in it. There was no way I could wear it, people might think it was my error, but equally I wasn't going to point out the mistake. I just quietly put it away and hoped no one noticed I didn't wear it.

If the giver had then made a huge issue about my "disrespect", I'd have had to tell her the truth.

ChairCareOh · 27/04/2022 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 27/04/2022 12:02

I think at 8, if you make spelling mistakes like that, and his friends notice it, he could be teased. So I think it was right choice by her not to her ds wear it. It may have been no issue if they were younger, like 4.

beachcitygirl · 27/04/2022 12:03

OP You sound batshit tbh

ElevenSmiles · 27/04/2022 12:10

I imagine his mom got a laugh out of it.

luckylavender · 27/04/2022 12:10

YABU

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/04/2022 12:10

I’m another one wouldn’t have let the boy wear the jacket. It wouldn’t matter if it was made with gold thread and gifted by the Queen, there is no way I would allow my DC to wear something which has an obvious grammar mistake in it.

The mum sounds like she was trying her best to be diplomatic. OP, I would forget this and chalk it up to experience. I certainly wouldn’t hold a grudge.

AchillesPoirot · 27/04/2022 12:11

Who made the mistake? You or the shop?

Celendine · 27/04/2022 12:19

Why are you making someone wear something they don't want to wear. He's not your doll..

axolotlfloof · 27/04/2022 12:22

Aquamarine1029 · 27/04/2022 10:01

"Your" instead of "you're?" I would have burned it. Like hell I'd let my child wear that.

🤣

BobHadBitchTits · 27/04/2022 12:26

OP, are you so angry because you made a mistake and now you're embarrassed?

SpiderVersed · 27/04/2022 12:32

You clearly made the mistake yourself, and resent her for noticing what you didn't.

I don't know anyone who would put their child in clothing with such an obvious error. The mum sounds perfectly reasonable.

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/04/2022 12:36

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 09:57

OK just to clarify some things:

The jacket has the words "NAME your 8 today!"

I'm not necessarily annoyed that he didn't wear it if HE chose not to wear it, it's more that she didn't bother to let us know there was a spelling mistake or that he wouldn't actually wear it for his party, and that she just kept it. He obviously isn't going to wear it at hers so why not just give it back?

I wouldn’t let my child wear something with the incorrect use of ‘your’ but to be honest I think it sounds a bit young for an 8 year old anyway.

BigMamaFratelli · 27/04/2022 12:39

You are overstepping your role. Sorry. And you're part of the reason mumsnet hates step mothers. I say this as a step mother, btw.

Bickles · 27/04/2022 12:39

You can’t let a child walk around with that on his back! People would think you don’t understand apostrophes. Awful.

QuirkyTurtle · 27/04/2022 12:42

As a stepmother myself, I do think you are overreacting here... It's not overstepping because you're a stepmother, it's overstepping because you can't dictate what someone else wears in someone else's house. I get on really well with my stepson's mother but if she tried to dictate what he wears when with me, that would not go down well.

Also, over my dead body would any child of mine, be it step or bio, wear anything with a your/you're mistake.

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 27/04/2022 12:43

This has to be a reverse 😂

MzHz · 27/04/2022 12:43

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 09:57

OK just to clarify some things:

The jacket has the words "NAME your 8 today!"

I'm not necessarily annoyed that he didn't wear it if HE chose not to wear it, it's more that she didn't bother to let us know there was a spelling mistake or that he wouldn't actually wear it for his party, and that she just kept it. He obviously isn't going to wear it at hers so why not just give it back?

This is literally like advertising you’re stupid!

it’s the clothing version of a shitty tattoo!

no way would I put my own kid in that

and given that YOU must have given instructions to print it like that/approved it, and even possibly wrapped it up and sent it like that, you made the error

if I’d have done this, I’d have kept quiet about it, both to the kid, his mum AND Mumsnet

Effitall · 27/04/2022 12:47

Sounds like the kid had the good manners to thank you, and the mum had the good manners to try and save your embarrassment.

They sound like nice people.

tootiredtoocare · 27/04/2022 12:48

The gift was for him, not her. I don't thank people for my childrens' gifts, they do that themselves, because I taught them to. Also, yes, if there was a spelling error, I wouldn't put it on my child either. Quick point - if your child's clothing has their name on it, everyone around them knows their name - "hello, (your child), your mum's just over here, she asked me to bring you to her..."