Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

She doesn't need to thank you she owes you nothing.

Did she ask you for it? No.

If you want him to wear your outfit throw your own party for him. Ridiculous

I'm sorry but I do think you are being unreasonable.
If I was the mum:
I would be irritated that the step mum was dictating what my son wore on his birthday.
I would not use a jacket spelt wrong
I would be irritated with a piece of clothing that can only be worn once. My dd had a great sweatshirt wiht her name on it at that age and she loved it, she wore it until it was too small.

I know many people do not like their kids wearing things with their name in large letters as it makes it too easy for a stranger to make friends with them.

I think you should have sent it back to the shop, because of the mistake.

I believe her when she says that she didn't want to make a point by pointing out the mistake.

Such a basic grammatical error.
I couldn’t have out my kid in that either.
grammar matters.
strange use of “you are” rather than “I am” would irk me too.

why have a jacket that can only be worn for one day?

sadly, you have wasted your money on such a useless item.

Did you thank her for what she got him for his birthday?

Surely the kids says thank you to their parents for their gifts and the parents don’t say thank you to each other?

YABVU! It wasn't your place to buy it anyway. If he said he wanted something personalised one of his parents should've done it but sounds tacky AF regardless of the poor grammar.
I wouldn't have put it on my child. She probably didnt mention it because she knew you'd kick off?

Your opening post makes it sound like YABU however you are not unreasonable to expect the jacket back so you can either ask for a replacement or a refund

I'm sorry but I do think you are being unreasonable.
If I was the mum:
I would be irritated that the step mum was dictating what my son wore on his birthday.
I would not use a jacket spelt wrong
I would be irritated with a piece of clothing that can only be worn once. My dd had a great sweatshirt wiht her name on it at that age and she loved it, she wore it until it was too small.

I know many people do not like their kids wearing things with their name in large letters as it makes it too easy for a stranger to make friends with them.

I think you should have sent it back to the shop, because of the mistake.

I believe her when she says that she didn't want to make a point by pointing out the mistake.

Why can't the child's step mother buy something personilised? That's some weird logic there

Hang on - what should she have done?

Put her DS in a T shirt with a grammar mistake and have half the party either pointing it out or secretly thinking she didn't know the difference between your and you're?

Put her DS in a T-shirt with a grammar mistake and tell everyone that you got it for him so everyone can know you're the one that made the mistake?

Send it back to you and tell you she can't use it? Would you really have sucked it up and/or apologised and replaced the T shirt or would you have been on here saying that your DS's DM is unreasonable/rude/ungrateful?

Perhaps just forgetting the T shirt existed was the easiest and least embarrassing for her, and she though that mentioning it to you would have been more embarrassing for you.

Do you really think it was reasonable of you to have put her in this position?

Just realised it was a jacket. Weird not to have been more careful to be honest.

I think you should have sent it back to the shop, because of the mistake.
I believe her when she says that she didn't want to make a point by pointing out the mistake.

tbf to the OP (even though I think she's unreasonable for the most part) she said she hadn't noticed the spelling error, it was her SS's mother who did but she hasn't given them back the jacket so she could return it to the seller

It's not about it being personalised, it's about it being specifically for his birthday. OP doesn't have the right to demand he wears anything. Hth

The mistake is almost certainly in what the OP wrote in the personalisation details anyway. Companies doing this work know how important it is to get it right.

lol at the passive aggressive "hth" You specifically said "If he said he wanted something personalised one of his parents should've done it" I agree she doesn't have a say over what he wears when he's at his mothers house though, obviously.

@AryaStarkWolf the OP is v unlikely to get a refund given its most likely her mistake in the first place. Companies usually just print whatever is written by the customer, they don't check spelling and grammar. And given the OP refers to this obvious mistake as small and little, I guess her grammar isn't that great

why? You bought a gift it was unfortunate that a mistake had been made he didn’t wear the gift and isn’t likely too at your house either, so it will still ‘sit and not be worn’ at yours. What is the issue? If you buy someone a present it’s then up them what they do with it you no longer own it. I’m really confused as to what the issue is other than it’s annoying and unfortunate.

IMO telling you it was grammatically incorrect or saying it wouldn't be worn would have seemed incredibly rude. The polite action is for the child to say thanks and accept the gift, even if it won't be used.

Can you honestly say you wouldn't have found the former option disrespectful too? Sounds like the mum can't win here honestly.

Was it your spelling / punctuation error or was it the shop’s? If it was yours, having it back would make no difference as you wouldn’t be able to get a refund. I don’t see what sort of respect you feel you should have had for buying the gift or why him not wearing it (for a good enough reason) was disrespectful to you. Not sure why you expected to be given the gift back - surely rejecting the gift is far ruder? The child thanked you so I don’t think you necessarily need a second thank you from an adult, but I agree with you that it probably would have been nice. Perhaps you are viewing this as less about the gift and more as a rejection of your kindness towards the child / role in his birthday?

I’m with the mum here. The garment had an error on which made it less desirable to wear. It was a gift, which means that there is no obligation to give it back to you. She wouldn’t have known whose fault the error was so wouldn’t have known that returning it to you would mean you got a refund. Not mentioning it at all was possibly her way of sparing any embarrassment.

I have a slightly unusual name with an unusual (Scandinavian) spelling, and I've spent my life correcting its spelling, from Reception onwards.
At my ripe old age, it's not much more than mildly irking, but at 8 years old, I would have expressed my annoyance far more trenchantly!
Your SS did well to thank you; I would probably have needing stern prompting at that age, and the fact that he was quietly allowed not to wear it was probably the best solution.
PP's also make a fair point about making a child's name too evident to strangers; I remember a visiting policeman giving the "Stranger Danger" talk to my pupils, naming this as a ploy.

Maybe so but regardless the childs mother should have returned it to her to at least give her the opportunity to attempt to get a refund. Every other aspect of what she's complaining about I do think she's being unreasonable about

Maybe so but regardless the childs mother should have returned it to her to at least give her the opportunity to attempt to get a refund. maybe she didn't want to embarrass dad by contacting him and mentioning it.

you bought him a jacket he can only wear for 1 day?

You really don’t like this child’s mum, do you op?!

That's a bloody massive mistake tbh.

Well actually I think the OP has chosen not to make clear whether it was her error or the shop’s error ..

But I think the main thing is that the SS’s Mum was in a no win situation.