Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

[aSofaNearYou]

@WorriedWelshy

I will admit that I didnt think about the name being on clothes as being a potential safety thing, thats fair enough.

I did let SS know I bought him a jacket for his birthday about a week before hand and I just assumed he would of told his mother about it. But again I'm not trying to dictate what he wears of course not.
I think its best if we leave it there now.

Well you are, because you are so annoyed that he didn't wear it.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

I did let SS know I bought him a jacket for his birthday about a week before hand and I just assumed he would of told his mother about it

He is 8 years old, it was probably in one ear and out the other. He may not have even registered what you said - so you cannot assume his mother knew anything at all about it. She may have already bought him an outfit to wear.

Even if you told him directly, " tell your mum I've bought you a jacket to wear on your birthday." Expecting an 8 year old child to convey messages from you to his mum is not fair, especially when you are expecting a certain response back.
It's a very poor way to communicate, gets lots of wires crossed, and disappoints both parties, since it doesn't explain what you actually wanted/expected from her and then you've been offended. Not fair to put a little boy in the middle like that. Contact her directly and try to build bridges and co-operation.

[SpiderVersed]

he would of told his mother about it

Grammar is not your thing.

He would HAVE.

I don't know if English isn't your first language, whether you have a learning impairment or you're just struggling with grammar and spelling.

For most native English speakers without a disability "NAME your 8" is a pretty obvious error. I can't think many people would put their child in a jacket that they know is wrong.

[Mummumtum]

Also, missing point entirely, if it was for him to wear why didn’t it say ‘I’m 8 today’

still way to babyish for an 8yo but still

[BoredZelda]

it really doesn't matter

It really does. My daughter wouldn’t have wanted to wear it if it had a spelling error on it.

[girlmom21]

But again I'm not trying to dictate what he wears of course not.

apart from the whole contacting his mom and demanding an explanation as to why he didn't wear it, obvs

[WisherWood]

I don't know if English isn't your first language, whether you have a learning impairment or you're just struggling with grammar and spelling.

It will be the last. People who learn English as a foreign language tend not to confuse 'of' and 'have', because they're aware of grammatical structures. It's pretty rude to imply the OP has a learning impairment, unless you're offering some genuine concern and understanding. So she's struggling and picking on people's errors may put other people off asking for help when they genuinely need it.

OP that said, people do have different attitudes to these errors. Whilst I would be unlikely to mock someone for posting such errors, I wouldn't let a child wear a top with that mistake. And I do think his mother was stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. If she points out the error she's a snob, if she doesn't her son is a potential laughing stock.

[Luculentus]

@Lovemusic33

I wouldn’t want my child wearing something with his name spelt wrong in it either 😬, how do you manage to get your child’s name wrong, surely your dh knows how to spell his own sons name?

YABU

It wasn't the child's name that was wrong, and it's not OP's child.

How do you manage to post an opinion on OP's thread without reading her posts properly?

[SomersetONeil]

it really doesn’t matter

Well, of course it doesn’t matter to someone who doesn’t even realise ‘you’re’ and ‘your’ are two different words.

But as this thread surely demonstrates, it definitely does matter to people who are aware of this. It matters even more when emblazoned on some poor kid’s birthday jacket that he has to wear all day.

And I do think his mother was stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. If she points out the error she's a snob, if she doesn't her son is a potential laughing stock.

Absolutely this ^^

[TolkiensFallow]

I get that you think you were being nice but Yabu

[Bednobsbroomsticks]

Wow this place is mean

[Bednobsbroomsticks]

Apologies. Wow. This place is mean

[Fuuuuuckit]

Meh. There's no way I'd be encouraging my dc to be wearing an item of clothing with grammatically incorect text on it, given by a well meaning but completely blind to the situation step-mum, to a party IN MY OWN HOUSE.

Are you for real? Would you be OK about his mum insisting/dictating what he wears at your house, for an event you organised, with your friends attending? I think not.

You want him to wear it, have a party at his dad's house.

[SomersetONeil]

To think … this entire situation could have been avoided, AND the jacket could have been worn into perpetuity ….

… if you’d just had [NAME] written on it.

[Patienceisntvirtuous]

@womaninatightspot

I'd be mortified to put my child in that in case people thought it was me who couldn't spell TBH. Other people would of noticed even if the child didn't and then laughed or pointed it out. I would of quietly tucked it away and not mentioned it to you as I wouldn't of wanted to embarrass you or get you upset.

Obviously now you are upset regardless of any intentions. I'd be a bit twitchy about sending the jacket round to you in case you made him wear it regardless of spelling errors and not being his birthday anymore so it doesn't go to waste.

The irony.

[DangerouslyBored]

[Wheniruletheworld]

Well said! Add in not knowing the difference between reign and rein, bare and bear, and thinking that saing 'not that big Of a deal' is grammatically correct, and you know that people whose first language is not English have better spelling, grammar, syntax and pronunciation than many natives.
Now we wait for the pile-on....

[Wheniruletheworld]

@WoodenClock

I think it's probable this personalisation was done by someone/somewhere where Engkiah isn't the first language and they'll just carefully transpose what's asked for without knowing what it says.

wrong assumption. Many, many English people cannot spell -read through some of the responses on this thread about common spelling/grammar errors or go to the pedants thread. Indeed, many who have been taught English as a second language are better speakers/writers than natives.

[QuirkyTurtle]

@Wheniruletheworld

wrong assumption. Many, many English people cannot spell -read through some of the responses on this thread about common spelling/grammar errors or go to the pedants thread. Indeed, many who have been taught English as a second language are better speakers/writers than natives.

True! English is my second language and I'm often the grammar checker at work for my English colleagues. My English grammar is better than my native language's.

To be fair I learned English at a young age so most people can't tell I'm not English unless I tell them.

[Mellowyellow222]

@TolkiensFallow

I get that you think you were being nice but Yabu

I’m not sure it was nice. If this is real it feels a bit passive aggressive.

from this woman’s posts she appears to have a big issue with the child’s mother. The comments about respect are a red flag.

it sounds like quite a tacky item of clothing. Buying a child who isn’t yours an item of clothing specifically to wear at a party you aren’t hosting seems very controlling.

I’m not sure I believe anyone could be this insensitive and narcissistic, but if the story is true I suspect OP knew this would cause an issue but did it anyway.

[grapehyacinthisactuallyblue]

I am not native English speaker and my English isn't perfect. But one thing I never do is confuse the use of of and have.

[Bobbins36]

@Mellowyellow222 100% this. Kids dad even thinks step mum is over reacting. Clearly an attempt assert some control over the child’s birthday time with his mum.

[WoodenClock]

@QuirkyTurtle

True! English is my second language and I'm often the grammar checker at work for my English colleagues. My English grammar is better than my native language's.

To be fair I learned English at a young age so most people can't tell I'm not English unless I tell them.

Yes, but I meant someone earning pennies in a sweatshop who doesn't speak English at all.

[WisherWood]

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue

I am not native English speaker and my English isn't perfect. But one thing I never do is confuse the use of of and have.

Yes. As I said upthread, people learning English tend to be taught grammatical structures. So instead of confusing 'could've' with 'could of', they just learn how to conjugate 'could have' and the confusion doesn't arise.

Similarly 'your' is taught as second person possessive case whereas 'you're' is a contraction of 'you are'. So it could be someone who speaks no English at all or it could be a native English speaker. It's unlike to be someone for whom English is a second language as they'd have been taught better.