Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

[AchillesPoirot]

Personalised with a spelling mistake and useless for every other day of the year or even ever except his actual birthday

[Sillystripytail]

YABU. It's not your fault there was a spelling error but did you not realise before giving it to him? Also, I don't blame her for not wanting him to wear it, I'd be embarrassed. It's strange having today on it aswell cause he can only wear it once. I buy my son a T-shirt every birthday that says "DS is 3" etc but he can wear that all year and then he inevitably grows out of it.

You should complain to whoever you bought it from and get a replacement (without today on it) or a refund.

[AchillesPoirot]

Did you and your partner thank the child's mother for the presents she bought him?

[gamerchick]

I don't like kids names on things. I think it makes predators a helping hand if they can see the kids names. So i probably wouldn't have put it on him. The spelling error would make me reject it as well. I wouldn't have kept hold of it though and told you to take it back for a refund.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

YABU for multiple reasons from the spelling mistake, for the Mum having to say Thank you even though the son did and wanting it back. Your OH is quite right - you're very much acting OTT.

[LadyDanburysHat]

@Testina

I’d object to that for crimes against:

• grammar
• taste
• the environment

Not necessarily in that order.

No 8yo I know would be seen dead in anything more OTT than a badge.

It was rude of you to attempt to dictate what he wore.

It isn’t normal for the child’s parent to thank them other parent for a present (even one as shit as this) let alone the step parent.

Your / you’re attempt at stealing the limelight backfired!

This sums it up very well for me.

[Antarcticant]

The whole situation is a real shame - you tried to do something nice, OP, and it all went wrong. I think some of the replies here are unfairly harsh.

In this scenario, if I were the recipient's parent I would have (kindly) said, 'Did you notice there's an error on this - perhaps you'd like to take it back to the shop for a refund.'

[WorriedWelshy]

@Antarcticant

The whole situation is a real shame - you tried to do something nice, OP, and it all went wrong. I think some of the replies here are unfairly harsh.

In this scenario, if I were the recipient's parent I would have (kindly) said, 'Did you notice there's an error on this - perhaps you'd like to take it back to the shop for a refund.'

Thank you!!! That's my point - why not give it back or say something instead of ignoring it. Her excuse was she didn't want to "point score" by pointing out the error which I just don't buy tbh

[Limer]

You bought a jacket for him to wear for ONE DAY???

[mamabeeboo]

It looks like the mother was being polite, by not telling you about the error and not giving it back/ not telling you he won't wear it.
It would be quite rude/disrespectful for someone to say "thanks for the gift, it's wrong, and I'm not wearing it, take it back". But it seems like that is what you expected? They just accepted the gift and probably put it away with all the other unused gifts. It's their gift to choose to do with it what they wish.

[purpleboy]

Sorry you good intention backfired op.
Can you return it for a refund based on the spelling mistake?
I wouldn't give it much headspace tbh, ss said thank you, maybe some mums would maybe some wouldn't, I can understand him not wanting to wear it, I can also understand mum not wanting him to wear it with a spelling mistake in it. I'd probably feel the same. But she should have told you about it and returned it to you for a refund.

[purpleboy]

Her excuse was she didn't want to "point score" by pointing out the error which I just don't buy tbh

Tbf I can see her point here, I get your upset but I think your making a big deal out of something that should be left, I'm sure your have bigger problems to worry about in the future, best to keep the relationship on good terms.

[girlmom21]

Her excuse was she didn't want to "point score" by pointing out the error which I just don't buy tbh

Considering you challenged her as soon as you knew the jacket wasn't worn I don't doubt that this is the truth - at all

[Merryoldgoat]

This is a joke right?

And it’s not a spelling error - it’s a grammatical error and correcting people’s grammar generally goes quite badly.

given your general tone I’m guessing she’d know ‘sorry Welshy but DSS and I saw that you’d used ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ and he doesn’t want it now - would you like it back?’ would be met with a tirade.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

You expected a thank you from her? For what exactly!

[toomanytwinkies]

@WorriedWelshy

OK just to clarify some things:

The jacket has the words "NAME your 8 today!"

I'm not necessarily annoyed that he didn't wear it if HE chose not to wear it, it's more that she didn't bother to let us know there was a spelling mistake or that he wouldn't actually wear it for his party, and that she just kept it. He obviously isn't going to wear it at hers so why not just give it back?

What spelling could someone get wrong here? Oh no, it said YOU’RE 8 didn’t it 😬

[thewhatsit]

@mamabeeboo

It looks like the mother was being polite, by not telling you about the error and not giving it back/ not telling you he won't wear it.
It would be quite rude/disrespectful for someone to say "thanks for the gift, it's wrong, and I'm not wearing it, take it back". But it seems like that is what you expected? They just accepted the gift and probably put it away with all the other unused gifts. It's their gift to choose to do with it what they wish.

Well this. If she’d pointed out the error and sent it back to you wouldn’t you be annoyed that she had embarrassed you? Wasn’t saying nothing the kinder thing to do? She really can’t win.

Anyway, she’s not your ex - shouldn’t she mostly be communicating to your DH not you?

[IcedOatLatte]

You're cross about a situation of your own making. Who buys a present that can be literally only be used for a few hours (I'm guessing personalised garments don't come cheap) from a retailer who can't spell?

What was the poor mum to do, make him wear it and fend questions about the spelling or return it to you with no polite way really to point out that your spag needs work? She really couldn't win on this one

[SunshineAndFizz]

So. Many. Questions.

[thewhatsit]

@toomanytwinkies

What spelling could someone get wrong here? Oh no, it said YOU’RE 8 didn’t it 😬

No that’s the point?!

[IcedOatLatte]

@toomanytwinkies

What spelling could someone get wrong here? Oh no, it said YOU’RE 8 didn’t it 😬

Are you joking? your 8 today is the error

[toomanytwinkies]

@thewhatsit

No that’s the point?!

Yes I realise I completely misread it, should pay attention C- for me

[Greensleeves]

@purpleboy

Her excuse was she didn't want to "point score" by pointing out the error which I just don't buy tbh

Tbf I can see her point here, I get your upset but I think your making a big deal out of something that should be left, I'm sure your have bigger problems to worry about in the future, best to keep the relationship on good terms.

It's fucking you're

You're upset. You're making a big deal. Not your.

OP her explanation (it isn't an excuse, she's not a child and doesn't have to answer to you at all) makes total sense. If I were her and dealing with someone as pugnacious and unreasonable as you, I would also take the path of least resistance and just put the unwanted item to one side.

[Nowomenaroundeh]

This is upsetting but you have to get over it. I remember years ago my niece was making her communion, I suggested getting her frilly knickers. It was a joke really as these were a thing in my day. Her mum though encouraged the suggestion and all of a sudden I had to find a pair as she was expecting them. The problem was they were sold out everywhere. I went to a ridiculous amount of trouble involving a taxi and courier to pickup the seemingly last pair in the city.

It was fine as the became a funny story - like the plot script of a truly terrible movie but I arrived armed with the spoils to the communion day.

SIL (knowing all the hassle and expense) looked and said the material looked cheap and she didn't want them against her skin. I suggested regular knickers underneath but was ignored. Frilly knickers flung aside and ignored, no thanks or acknowledgement.

It was very disappointing so I do sympathise but there is really no point you bringing it up now, his birthday has passed.

[Antarcticant]

And it’s not a spelling error - it’s a grammatical error and correcting people’s grammar generally goes quite badly.

It doesn't have to if you've a modicum of kindness and tact. 'What a shame the shop has made a mistake - hopefully you'll be able to get a refund or exchange.'