Page 14 | Who is in the wrong here????

WorriedWelshy · 2022-04-27T08:46:29+00:00

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives. I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else. AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to. What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back. My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/04/2022 14:37

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry but I can't believe this many people would be so petty as to not put their child in something that was gifted to them all because of an apostrophe.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child. I don't think I'm BU to expect a simple thank you tbh.

You're massively unreasonable for expecting a thank you from his mother though tbf, she's not your friend, she's your DHs ex and its also his child so presumably if the present was from just you then it would be his fathers place to thank you, if the present was from both of you then you hardly expect her to thank her childs father for buying his own son a gift?

Testina · 27/04/2022 14:37

SockFluffInTheBath · 27/04/2022 14:35

Is no one complaining about it being completely environmentally unethical to have a jacket that can only be worn once?

Yes, several people through the thread have mentioned it.

Greensleeves · 27/04/2022 14:37

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 14:30

I bought it as a fun little gift specifically for his birthday so I know its not exactly something he can wear for very long but I still think it would of been more respectful to say "he won't be wearing it but thanks anyway".
She got gifts from SS to my children when they were born and I always thanked her for it, and I think it's a bit unreasonable that she didn't show the same respect back.

And to the people saying I hate her, I don't hate her I hardly even know her, this has just rubbed me the wrong way.

A newborn obviously can't pipe up with "thank you so much for the lovely bibs" though, can it, so the comparison doesn't work. You gave a gift to an 8yo, and he thanked you at the time - that's done, and no need for his mother to repeat it.

Her explanation for not pointing out the mistake to you was completely rational, and even more so given the inability to accept criticism that you've shown throughout this thread.

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 27/04/2022 14:39

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 27/04/2022 14:07

OP you're coming across as spoiling for a fight.

The boy's mum did the tactful thing of not bringing your attention to a mistake on your part. If she had sent the jacket back saying 'there's a grammatical error on here' then that would've been rude. It's not as though it could be swapped as it sounds like your error. As you say, it wasn't a main present so the diplomatic thing to do was just let it slide and file under 'meant well but got it wrong, no biggie'.

If she had sent it back, pointing out the mistake that rendered it unwearable then I am nearly sure you would have posted about that.

You put the boy in an awkward position by asking whether he wanted to wear it. What else could he say to you?

Now you're scrabbling around for some way to make yourself the wronged party. Just move on. Don't be so petty as to make the poor lad wear this jacket to play in, knowing it has stirred up contention.

And no, she didn't owe you thanks. Your SS thanked you.

All the above.

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 14:43

I still think it would of been more respectful to say "he won't be wearing it but thanks anyway".

There is no way you'd have thought she was being respectful if she'd said that.

Blossombouquet · 27/04/2022 14:43

YABVU.

id probably already have picked out with my kids what they might want to wear for their birthday party. Maybe an outfit had already been decided.

Im with her on not pointing out the error - I’d have been embarrassed to do so in her place & worried that any “feedback” might be taken the wrong way.

I’d also worry if he did wear it at the party if any family members would make a comment about it being wrong. Then what would I say to them. Even telling people the truth wouldn’t put anyone in a good light.

also probably wouldn’t say thank you if he already has. Of course you said thanks when your kids were born -they couldn’t do it.if he’s your stepson presumably you’re married to his dad. I wouldn’t say thanks for a gift from his dads family but I’d make sure he did.

AlternativelyWired · 27/04/2022 14:45

You're just annoyed because you spelt it wrong. Most batshit thread I've read for a while. If it's the thought that counts then think a little harder next time.

HJ40 · 27/04/2022 14:47

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:30

Yes we bought him a load of other presents for his birthday and no I didn't notice the error because it really doesn't matter. It's supposed to be the thought that counts.

Well if it's the thought that counts, it comes across that you couldn't make enough effort to get it spelt correctly.

And no, I wouldn't expect my child to wear it.

Plus once a child is old enough to say thank you for themselves, I don't think a parent also has to say it and I certainly wouldn't expect a mum to say thanks on behalf of child to the other parent & step parent.

It's obviously bugged you but I think you'll have to let it go.

IamnotSethRogan · 27/04/2022 14:53

Yabu.

Regarding thanking you - she doesn't have to thank you for gifts for your stepson. Your partner/ son can thank you. Her buying gifts for your children is something completely different as they are really nothing to do with her.

I would have felt awkward pointing out the error and wouldn't have mentioned it and my son certainly wouldn't have worn it.

Sounds like she was trying to be polite and you're looking for trouble.

3luckystars · 27/04/2022 14:58

That’s the biggest waste of money I have ever heard of in my life.

A jacket you wear for a few hours and is absolutely useless then for all eternity.
Nobody else can wear it either (even if it was spelled properly.)

what a total WASTE.

notanoccultexpert · 27/04/2022 14:58

Eggshelly · 27/04/2022 10:00

Agreed. There's only one day of the year you can wear it. What a waste of money.

Show quote history

Not even one day of the year. He could only really wear it on day of his life.

mum61 · 27/04/2022 15:05

@WorriedWelshy
If his name was spelt incorrectly and your stepson didn't want to wear it you are being unreasonable to be offended.
If the your step son said thank you for the gift (even though his name was spelt incorrectly) I don't understand why you need his mother to thank you too.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 27/04/2022 15:06

Nowomenaroundeh · 27/04/2022 11:25

This is upsetting but you have to get over it. I remember years ago my niece was making her communion, I suggested getting her frilly knickers. It was a joke really as these were a thing in my day. Her mum though encouraged the suggestion and all of a sudden I had to find a pair as she was expecting them. The problem was they were sold out everywhere. I went to a ridiculous amount of trouble involving a taxi and courier to pickup the seemingly last pair in the city.

It was fine as the became a funny story - like the plot script of a truly terrible movie but I arrived armed with the spoils to the communion day.

SIL (knowing all the hassle and expense) looked and said the material looked cheap and she didn't want them against her skin. I suggested regular knickers underneath but was ignored. Frilly knickers flung aside and ignored, no thanks or acknowledgement.

It was very disappointing so I do sympathise but there is really no point you bringing it up now, his birthday has passed.

Aren’t you around 8 at first communion? Why would her knickers be on show? Not being snarky, genuinely wondered!

Sunnierdays · 27/04/2022 15:06

When he’s with his mum it’s up to her to choose what he wears. Nor trying his be rude but don’t over step your place. It was a nice thought though !

Princessoftheuniverse · 27/04/2022 15:07

I wouldn't want him to wear it as people might think I'd bought it and didn't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. I am a grammar pedant though.

KikiBobby · 27/04/2022 15:09

I belong to several large online crafting groups, and I see personalised items with the "your/you're" mistake all the time. So it's not implausible to me that if a customer asked for the wrong version, and the maker's grammar was no better, the item could end up being sent out with the mistake.

It's quite clear from OP's earlier posts that the mistake was hers, not the maker's, originally, but ideally a maker would have messaged her and politely told her she'd got it wrong (I would have).
Greensleeves,
I read the post of a Mumsnetter who explained some of the pitfalls of providing personalisation for customers who just refuse advice. I hadn't looked at it that way. I realise that even a friendly tip can be thrown back at you.
Is it just me or am I the only one typing very c-a-u-t-i-o-u-s-l-y...

WoodenClock · 27/04/2022 15:13

I think it's probable this personalisation was done by someone/somewhere where Engkiah isn't the first language and they'll just carefully transpose what's asked for without knowing what it says.

Bobbins36 · 27/04/2022 15:17

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 14:30

I bought it as a fun little gift specifically for his birthday so I know its not exactly something he can wear for very long but I still think it would of been more respectful to say "he won't be wearing it but thanks anyway".
She got gifts from SS to my children when they were born and I always thanked her for it, and I think it's a bit unreasonable that she didn't show the same respect back.

And to the people saying I hate her, I don't hate her I hardly even know her, this has just rubbed me the wrong way.

Well a newborn can’t exactly thank the gift giver themselves can they? Your stepson thanked you for a present, no need for his mum to repeat that. It’s a gift to him not her. Have you always liked every gift you’ve been given? I wouldn’t dream of having the bad grace to do what you expect the mum to do and acknowledge a gift whilst mentioning you won’t use it. If you don’t like a gift you say thank you (which your SS did) then quietly consign it to a charity shop/regifting pile and leave it at that. God knows how many family xmas’s would be ruined if we all told the in laws exactly what we though of their gifts 😬
You sound as if you are spoiling for a fight tbh. Just leave it or you’ll upset an 8 year old boy who didn’t ask for any of this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/04/2022 15:17

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry but I can't believe this many people would be so petty as to not put their child in something that was gifted to them all because of an apostrophe.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child. I don't think I'm BU to expect a simple thank you tbh.

If the jacket is returned to you, @WorriedWelshy , but your stepson doesn’t actually want to wear it, will you ‘put him in it’? Or will you let him choose what he wears?

I suspect that, when he said he wanted something personalised, what he actually wanted was something with his name on - just that - not the jacket equivalent of one of those “8 Today” badges.

I think you need to chalk this one up to experience, and let it go.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 27/04/2022 15:18

OP is it possible you’re embarrassed because you made a mistake and are covering it over with anger? I think there is no way you would have taken it well if your SS mum had just handed the jacket back and said he’s not wearing it. Likewise if she had pointed out the grammatical error.
The present was from you and your SS dad, why would his mum thank you for it?

I'm sure he would have worn it if he was staying with you on his birthday.
You tried to do something nice and it backfired, don’t let it upset you or make you angry, let it go x

SomersetONeil · 27/04/2022 15:28

I can’t believe nobody has posted this yet.

OP - your thread title asks who is in the wrong. The ???? suggest you definitely do not think it is you. Unfortunately, it is.

Most people would be embarrassed to put this jacket on their child - let alone insist they wear it on their birthday.

Your step-son’s Mum handled it in the only way possible - by downplaying it.

If she had spoken with you, pointed out the error, said the boy wasn’t going to wear it, and then handed it back to you - that would have come across as so rude and ungrateful, that she wouldn’t have wanted to do it.

She handled the whole unfortunate thing in the only way possible.

Hopefully you can see this and let it go.

steppemum · 27/04/2022 15:28

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry but I can't believe this many people would be so petty as to not put their child in something that was gifted to them all because of an apostrophe.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child. I don't think I'm BU to expect a simple thank you tbh.

well, it isn't just an apostrophe, the word means something completely different.

One means 'you are' two words, subject and verb.
One means 'your' one word, possessive pronoun.

When I read
It's your birthday! I have to read it twice, because it doesn't make any sense.

I realise that for you it is not two different things. But it is.
That missing apostrophe (and the missing e) is like the difference between
Fat and Fart
or
Mother and brother
or
on and one

One letter sometimes changes the complete meaning in English.

MatildaJayne · 27/04/2022 15:29

It sounds like a really naff present, tbh. I wouldn’t have put my son in something like that myself. His mother might have been embarrassed that the partygoers thought she’d bought it along with the grammar error. Not really on to impose your taste on to your DSS while he was at his mother’s. Next time, maybe a named pencil case or a drinks bottle?

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 27/04/2022 15:35

Ok, you thought it was a fun little gift but you got the text wrong. Obviously not intentional but it meant it couldn't be used without the boy looking foolish. Nobody else's fault, and nobody else has breached good manners here. It's a common mistake. Don't let your embarrassment cause a big row. Sounds like you rub along fine otherwise so just accept you should have been more careful and move on.

SpindleInTheWind · 27/04/2022 15:35

A personalised birthday jacket? Can't help but picture an 8 year old swanning around in a glittery smoking jacket type garment. Top hat to match

Boris Johnson had one. It was embroidered, 'Alexander your destiny awaits'. True story. Rees-Mogg got the top hat though.