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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here????

438 replies

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 09:46

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

OP posts:
Snoopfroggyfrogg · 27/04/2022 14:07

OP you're coming across as spoiling for a fight.

The boy's mum did the tactful thing of not bringing your attention to a mistake on your part. If she had sent the jacket back saying 'there's a grammatical error on here' then that would've been rude. It's not as though it could be swapped as it sounds like your error. As you say, it wasn't a main present so the diplomatic thing to do was just let it slide and file under 'meant well but got it wrong, no biggie'.

If she had sent it back, pointing out the mistake that rendered it unwearable then I am nearly sure you would have posted about that.

You put the boy in an awkward position by asking whether he wanted to wear it. What else could he say to you?

Now you're scrabbling around for some way to make yourself the wronged party. Just move on. Don't be so petty as to make the poor lad wear this jacket to play in, knowing it has stirred up contention.

And no, she didn't owe you thanks. Your SS thanked you.

angieloumc · 27/04/2022 14:09

ivykaty44 · 27/04/2022 13:58

Last night I helped my uncle Jack, off a horse.
Last night I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

its important to use commas in the correct places

😂😂there's no need for a comma there.

OP, why on earth should his mum have you thank you, did your H thank her for the party and the gifts she bought? Also it really does matter, maybe not to you as you put 'well' instead of 'we'll' but to many others it would do.

Scianel · 27/04/2022 14:10

I really need to come off MN. I'm sure it was never quite this bad for absolute nonsense before.

HaveringWavering · 27/04/2022 14:10

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 14:04

GDPR breach- jacket reveals both name and date of birth!

I hope you're joking...

Obviously! Just like the OP.

angieloumc · 27/04/2022 14:10

Oh dear, apologies! It was 'hell' not 'well' 😳

Cappuccino17 · 27/04/2022 14:10

I wouldn't want to wear a jacket on my birthday with my name spelt wrong. Maybe next time get the spelling right.

Tsuni · 27/04/2022 14:11

Sally090807 · 27/04/2022 13:57

How on earth do some places stay in business when they make such basic spelling mistakes.
For a lad of 8 a nice football shirt of his favourite team or a football would of been more appropriate (assuming he likes football).

You've made a basic spelling mistake in your post.

Testina · 27/04/2022 14:12

Cappuccino17 · 27/04/2022 14:10

I wouldn't want to wear a jacket on my birthday with my name spelt wrong. Maybe next time get the spelling right.

@Cappuccino17 maybe next time RTFT?

springtimeishereagain · 27/04/2022 14:12

I wouldn't have put my dc in a top with a glaring grammar error either!! Sorry, op. Why not contact the company and ask for your money back? Unless you OKd the text...😬

And your p's ex does not have to thank you separately for a gift that your dss has already thanked you for.

HaveringWavering · 27/04/2022 14:14

I wonder if OP also makes the kid wear Christmas jumpers all year round at her house…

IncompleteSenten · 27/04/2022 14:14

Also,most 8 year old do know simple things like the difference between your and you're more than they know how to ignore mistakes 🤣.

What if they'd laughed at him and he'd ended up upset at his party? Or replied that his stepmum did it and his mum made him wear it and they laughed at you?

I really think you should just let this go. Someone screwed up. It doesn't have to be a huge deal.

Lennybenny · 27/04/2022 14:15

Sorry but an 8yo boy will have been ripped to shreds for a) wearing said jacket....Boys barely wear name/age badges....and b) it not being spelt properly so tbf yabu.

Bobbins36 · 27/04/2022 14:15

YABU. Why do you think you have a say in what his mother decides to dress him in when she is looking after him? Maybe you liked the jacket, she didn’t. Get over it.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 27/04/2022 14:17

Did his Dad thank you? Why should the Mum thank you for something you gave to your SS. He’s 8 surely no one puts clothes on him, he will choose himself. Maybe the reason she didn’t bring it up is you sound like hard work and even though half of mumsnet is telling you YOU’RE wrong you don’t want to accept it.

springtimeishereagain · 27/04/2022 14:17

Also, OP, why would you 'confront' your p's ex about this? Why not just ask her like a normal person? You sound quite aggressive and frankly a little scary.

And does she owe you respect?? Do you respect her?

@ivykaty44 - if you're going to quote an example of good comma use, it has to be accurate... You need the opening bracketing comma in the first example below for it to be grammatical.

Last night I helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse.
Last night I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/04/2022 14:17

I get that you tried to do something nice, and you are hurt that it wasn't greeted with enthusiasm, but in this situation , you win some, you lose some and you are taking this far far too personally and using it as the basis for starting a long running falling out.

You've said several times that its the thought that counts. But think about it from the child's point of view. What thoughts are you sending back via him to his mum. This is how it might appear to him.
I went to a LOT of trouble with this so you'd better like it.
Why didn't you wear it. I bet it was your mum' doing.
I want i back and you can jolly well wear it here, even though it will remind you of this argument. also as it says 8 today it seems a bit pointless to wear it after the actual birthday.
This is really unfair on him. Do you want him to remember his 8th birthday as the time my mum and my step mum fell out because I wouldn't wear a jacket on my birthday.?
You don't know why it wasn't worn. It sounds like something more suited to much younger child.

Your Stepson thanked you. It was a present for him, not his mum and it wasn't a particularly successful one in this case. Chalk it up to experience.
You are in danger of locking horns with his mum over something that doesn't really matter when you could be building a co-operative relationship with her, by demonstrating flexibility, communicating directly and pleasantly and not using the poor boy as a kind of go between and not nurturing grudges. He sounds like a nice little boy and worth letting go of this resentment for.

Greensleeves · 27/04/2022 14:18

KikiBobby · 27/04/2022 13:02

Usually with a personalisation, the company double checks your message with you before applying it to your item, they may even help with better wording, grammar etc. I can't understand how this was allowed to happen. The gift would have had a very short life span, due to it's message, the fact that the message was incorrectly written makes it even worse.
Google can be very helpful if you want to write messages. We all have moments where things escape our notice, but a company specialising in personalisation should not. Careless quality control.

I belong to several large online crafting groups, and I see personalised items with the "your/you're" mistake all the time. So it's not implausible to me that if a customer asked for the wrong version, and the maker's grammar was no better, the item could end up being sent out with the mistake.

It's quite clear from OP's earlier posts that the mistake was hers, not the maker's, originally, but ideally a maker would have messaged her and politely told her she'd got it wrong (I would have).

IncompleteSenten · 27/04/2022 14:23

Scianel · 27/04/2022 14:10

I really need to come off MN. I'm sure it was never quite this bad for absolute nonsense before.

No. It's always been. 😁

Cappuccino17 · 27/04/2022 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Testina · 27/04/2022 14:27

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

🤣
I’m sad? Because I actually would check the OP’s posts before wading in on page 13 with an irrelevant comment? OK!

Original poster
WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 14:30

I bought it as a fun little gift specifically for his birthday so I know its not exactly something he can wear for very long but I still think it would of been more respectful to say "he won't be wearing it but thanks anyway".
She got gifts from SS to my children when they were born and I always thanked her for it, and I think it's a bit unreasonable that she didn't show the same respect back.

And to the people saying I hate her, I don't hate her I hardly even know her, this has just rubbed me the wrong way.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 14:33

The ien thing I agree with OP is that if EXdh gave our son a jacket that wasn't embroidered correctly and could only be wore outside one day without lots of annoying comments, it absolutely would have gone in the suitcase back to Dad's house.

CJsGoldfish · 27/04/2022 14:33

A personalised birthday jacket? Can't help but picture an 8 year old swanning around in a glittery smoking jacket type garment. Top hat to match😂
No way would I be putting a badly worded 'special' jacket on one of my kids. How embarrassment. 😝

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2022 14:35

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 14:30

I bought it as a fun little gift specifically for his birthday so I know its not exactly something he can wear for very long but I still think it would of been more respectful to say "he won't be wearing it but thanks anyway".
She got gifts from SS to my children when they were born and I always thanked her for it, and I think it's a bit unreasonable that she didn't show the same respect back.

And to the people saying I hate her, I don't hate her I hardly even know her, this has just rubbed me the wrong way.

It's a totally different relationship.
She doesn't need to thank his father for buying presents for THEIR child. And by default anything from you is from both of you unless you go out of your way to make it clear Dad wanted nothing to do with it.

Her buying her ex's new kids a present obv deserves a thank you from one or both of their parents as she's under no obligation to buy her ex's new kids stuff.

SockFluffInTheBath · 27/04/2022 14:35

Is no one complaining about it being completely environmentally unethical to have a jacket that can only be worn once?