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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here????

438 replies

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 09:46

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 27/04/2022 13:14

@WorriedWelshy

  1. I don't undestand why you want his mum to say thankyou when the child already has? My 6YO says thankyou for gifts herself. Could you explain?
  2. It's not a minor spelling error, it's a big grammar error which would be awful to wear. I would have suggested you return it but a lot of people on MN think it's very rude to return bad gifts and presumably she felt the same. I dn't understand why you don't believe her about that?
SheilaWilde · 27/04/2022 13:15

Why didn't you just get him some socks or something with his name on if he wanted something 'personalised'? I wouldn't want my children in a jacket with their name on, let alone a jacket with their name and age (and therefore dob on). Plus, that's the sort of thing a toddler would wear not an 8 year old.

Also, pedantically, the jacket should read 'I'm 8 today'. 'You're 8 today' implies the person reading it is 8. Unless he only associates with 8 year olds.

KikiBobby · 27/04/2022 13:16

otherbookmarks
Right! I hadn't thought of buyers who just won't budge. The error makes more sense to me now.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 27/04/2022 13:16

I'm not necessarily annoyed that he didn't wear it if HE chose not to wear it, it's more that she didn't bother to let us know there was a spelling mistake

What? You think she is the one at fault, because you AND your husband failed to notice a spelling error?

WOW.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 27/04/2022 13:17

But to answer your original question : YOU are in the wrong here. 100% you.

Weirdlynormal · 27/04/2022 13:19

Over my dead body would my DC put a typo like that on. Sorry, just no.

Siht · 27/04/2022 13:21

Apart from the typo, it is quite tacky, sorry. The type of gift I'd maybe put on my child to send a photo to the giver, then take off immediately afterwards. I wouldn't even do that with the glaring grammatical error.
Mum has done nothing wrong here, YABU.

Siht · 27/04/2022 13:23

I'm also guessing she hasn't given it back because it's in the bin as that would be my next move. 😳

HiCandles · 27/04/2022 13:23

This must be a reverse. Why didn't you complain to the company and get a replacement as soon as it arrived at yours? Why did you continue to use it as a present? Surely nobody could expect that a child would wear something with such a glaring mistake on. I'd be horribly embarrassed as the mum to have my child seen in it and I'd be wondering why stepmum and dad didn't think my little boy worthy of having an actual gift he could use. I certainly wouldn't be thanking them for giving a gift he couldn't use! What a non present for a child to open on his birthday. I hope you gave him something else too.

ivykaty44 · 27/04/2022 13:24

It would be quite rude/disrespectful for someone to say "thanks for the gift, it's wrong, and I'm not wearing it, take it back". But it seems like that is what you expected? They just accepted the gift and probably put it away with all the other unused gifts. It's their gift to choose to do with it what they wish

Unfortunately if the steps son mother had done anything of the above - that would have been wrong.

buying a present for someone else to wear on one day is a bit of a gamble, as they may not like it - but not want to say, or actually want to wear something else.

Once you've gifted something though its their item/gift to do with as they choose

Comfortablynumbertwo · 27/04/2022 13:24

HRTFT but send it back. That isn’t a small error it’s enormous on a piece of clothing, unless it was you who made the huge grammatical error.
My children wouldn’t have worn it at that age anyway, even without looking stupid every time someone pointed out it’s ‘you’re.’

rogueone · 27/04/2022 13:25

Did you speak to his mum first before taking it upon yourself to get a personalised jacket for him to wear to his own party?

Not sure why she should thank you either- seems very strange

Original poster
WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry but I can't believe this many people would be so petty as to not put their child in something that was gifted to them all because of an apostrophe.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child. I don't think I'm BU to expect a simple thank you tbh.

OP posts:
OnlySoAnHour · 27/04/2022 13:28

OP did you notice the error? You either would straight away, or you don’t understand basic grammar and spelling so would have no clue. Potentially the step mum was trying not to embarrass you by not “point scoring “ and pointing it out as people who don’t get these errors (it’s NOT a typo, it’s ignorance) are not going to understand how cringey it can be, to do this in a text is one thing but if you don’t understand how to spell and use grammar correctly you check before putting it on clothing. That you didn’t shows a lack of intelligence and care. One of my teens would struggle with this too as he’s better with maths and sciences, but he’d absolutely check before getting it stuck on clothing.

incywincyspider1 · 27/04/2022 13:30

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:27

I'm sorry but I can't believe this many people would be so petty as to not put their child in something that was gifted to them all because of an apostrophe.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child. I don't think I'm BU to expect a simple thank you tbh.

It's not petty.
You are being petty.

Original poster
WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:30

Yes we bought him a load of other presents for his birthday and no I didn't notice the error because it really doesn't matter. It's supposed to be the thought that counts.

OP posts:
SillySausage01 · 27/04/2022 13:31

This reply has been withdrawn

The poster appears to have posted in the wrong place, sorry.

gamerchick · 27/04/2022 13:31

It really does matter though. Was it your mistake?

rahjama · 27/04/2022 13:32

...you would have your child walk around in something that's spelt wrong?

At 8 years old they're learning all about grammar in school, the difference between your and you're

That would just confuse them?

rahjama · 27/04/2022 13:33

This reply has been deleted

The poster appears to have posted in the wrong place, sorry.

did you mean to post this on an already existing thread?

IncompleteSenten · 27/04/2022 13:34

In all honesty I wouldn't have let him wear it either. I'd have been really embarrassed, sorry.
I would have thanked you though.
I'm not sure if I would have mentioned the spelling error in case you wrote down what you wanted it to say and they just copied it exactly. Although you'd think they'd clarify. I would not want to risk you being offended or upset.
I think I would have put him in it briefly to take a photo for you.

BaconMassive · 27/04/2022 13:34

I don't think we can say the mum is in the wrong for having standards.

10HailMarys · 27/04/2022 13:34

It’s heartening that 99% of posters think this is an unacceptable grammatical mistake. Any other time grammatical mistakes are mentioned on MN there are many replies claiming that grammar doesn’t matter and shouting about grammar Nazis.

It matters hugely when it's on a jacket or a printed item or in an important email at work. It doesn't matter in a post on Mumsnet, social media, an email to a friend or a post in the family WhatsApp group.

I write and edit copy for a living. It's literally part of my job to correct people's mistakes. But I am also fully aware that there is a big difference between 1) correcting an error when it's necessary and 2) correcting an error on a platform where it doesn't matter, for the sole reason of sneering at someone.

I don't even bother to proofread my own posts on Mumsnet, let alone other people's. I do quite enough proofreading at work.

People who respond to someone's clearly heartfelt post about being estranged from their family or abused by their partner or something with 'It's 'could have', not 'could of' and so on are, frankly, arseholes.

Siht · 27/04/2022 13:35

WorriedWelshy · 27/04/2022 13:30

Yes we bought him a load of other presents for his birthday and no I didn't notice the error because it really doesn't matter. It's supposed to be the thought that counts.

You seem to be hell bent on getting an insincere thank you for this gift. Most posters have said YABU, overwhelmingly, and your stepson has thanked you. His poor mum doesn't have to also thank you, especially for a gift that couldn't be used. It may be your idea of a good gift, but for her, and most people who have responded here, it's absolutely not something they would put on their child.
At this point, you are being very petty.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/04/2022 13:36

Send it back to whoever personalised it - doit out that it is grammatically incorrect and demand your money back.

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