Who is in the wrong here????

[WorriedWelshy]

A few weeks ago I bought my step son a personalised jacket to wear for his 8th birthday party that he's having at his mother's who he lives.

I found out yesterday that she didn't put it on him because apparently it wasn't spelt correctly so he wore something else.

AIBU to call her disrespectful by not putting it on him to wear? She didn't even let us know he wouldn't be wearing it or say thank you for us buying it for him or anything. She said she didn't ask us to buy it and because my step son already said thank you she doesn't think she needs to.
What annoyed me most is she didn't even give it back to us until I had to ASK for it back.

My OH thinks I'm overreacting but I can't help but feel so offended.

*point out

Bliddy Autocockit!

The missing apostrophe changes the whole meaning of the message. Why should he wear a jacket emblazoned with nonsense on his birthday?

It's not very thoughtful to gift someone something with poor grammar.

Not only is it grammatically incorrect but also tacky so yabu it's really none of your business what your dss mother chooses for her own child.

Of course it matters, poor kid would have been mortified. The whole thing is completely bonkers

OP are you taking on board your poll results here?

I think you need to put it behind you and move on.
It's a shame about the spelling/grammar error. It's a shame that you weren't told but I think it's just collateral damage from what seems like a difficult relationship on both sides.

*he'll

*he'll

Did his dad thank you personally? After all, he is his child too.

Was it your mistake?

I wouldn't either. I would never put my child in clothing that had words that weren't spelled correctly.

Personally I think you are the ones whose being rude, imposing your gift on the mother at HER house for her son to wear at HIS party.

The gift sounds incredible naff.

It does matter, though. I would never walk around wearing an ungrammatical piece of clothing - how embarrassing! I feel the same way when I see people touting their personalised tat on social media and it says "Christmas with the Smith's". If you're charging money for something, you have to make sure it's correct.

However, due to your dodging of the question, I'm assuming that you typed the message into a website to be stitched onto the jacket. So, it's your error and now you're embarrassed and defensive.

Surely an item to be worn by the child should read "I am 8 today" - not "Name you're 8 today?"
Preferably without the 'Today' so it makes sense for a year and not just a day, particularly as it's a jacket and not a badge!

I wouldn't put my child in something with such a terrible grammar error. It's extremely embarrasing. Is it possible you make this mistake often in texts and she notices it a lot and then didn't want to embarrass you by pointing out you don't know the right 'your/you're' to use? I would have done the same as her. Also, you don't get to decide what he wears, you should have discussed first if you could choose something for him to wear and shared it with her if it was so important to you.

But she isn't your friend tho. It's your partner that should be thanking you not her.

Why do you think she should. He has two parents one of whom you live with and should be showing the gratitude.

He can wear the jacket here for when he's playing around the house, that's why I want it back. At least hell get some use out of it here.

Seriously, it's really not petty mistake for 8 years old. They are actually learning those in daily basis. He may not want to wear them at all. Do you force him if he said he doesn't want to?

no I didn't notice the error because it really doesn't matter It REALLY does matter, but if you're the kind of person that doesn't think much of grammar or spelling then I understand where she is coming from.

This is what I just came on to say. Besides the fact I don't know any 8 year old who would want to wear something like that, it's a bit weird to wear something telling you it's your birthday isn't it?

Why buy a jacket that can only be worn on one day?

I wouldn't put it on my child other than on their 8th birthday.

The problem with this, is that companies personalising gifts use the text that they are given by person who placed the order.

So the grammatical howler (which I would never expect a child to wear) must be the OP’s own mistake. Hence her reluctance to address this suggestion, and her defensiveness and minimising of the significance of the error.

OP, if a child asks for something personalised for a birthday, a jacket with a message on it is a really crap idea. Socks, a money box, a pencil case, a skateboard even - all good ideas. A jacket (weird for an 8 year old to wear anyway) which can only be worn on a single day of his whole life, is awful. I’m surprised he summoned up enough enthusiasm to thank you - he must be a very polite little boy. His mother owes you no additional thanks.

You have to face the fact that you are in the wrong here, in so many ways.

I'm more confused about why you're expecting his Mum to thank you and his Dad for his gift.....did you thank her for the gifts she bought him?
I'm divorced from my children's Dad, and not once have I thanked him for the gifts he bought them and vice versa. Our children have thanked him/me, but I haven't. Unnecessary.

If I buy my friends child a present, my friend will thank me personally as well as the child

It's not your friends child though, it's your son. Your relationship is primarily with him, not his mother. That's why it matters that he said thank you, and not her.

Also, it's friend's.

didn't notice the error because it really doesn't matter

As you can see from the overwhelming majority of comments on this thread, grammar does matter. You may have a blasé attitude towards grammar, but in life, a good grasp of basic grammar is advantageous and important.

Don’t teach your SS that grammar ‘doesn’t matter’. You will be doing him a disservice. It really, really does.

Furthermore, there is clearly no love lost between you and SS’s mother, that is clear, but this comes across to me as yet another ‘issue’ involving this woman for you to throw your toys out of the pram over. If you continue to look for problems, your life with your SS’s father will be one of drama and stress. I guess some folk get a kick out of living like that.