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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It is not ok for kids to drink alcohol

200 replies

Really123456789 · 27/04/2022 02:04

Is it really only me that thinks it is absolutely not ok for teenagers to drink?

I’m lucky my kid doesn’t want to yet (14) but all friends have started and only conversation is how pissed them what to get on Friday. Getting kid down! And feeling like has no friends like them anymore.

In my opinion it is absolutely not ok. Rest of life to drink. Do parents think it is really ok? Feeling sad that kids aren’t realising they have a choice to say no!

OP posts:
MangyInseam · 27/04/2022 02:09

I guess it depends what you mean? Like, go out drinking and get plastered? Or have wine or small beer with dinner?

Original poster
Really123456789 · 27/04/2022 02:16

Going out and getting plastered.
why do parents want to teach 14 year olds to drink? There are huge risks that are totally unnecessary. Feeling sad

OP posts:
imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 27/04/2022 02:23

I wouldn't let my teenagers go out and get plastered, although if they were out I couldn't actually stop them.

But I'm happy for them to have a drink occasionally at home. I bought them fruit cider on holiday last year (they were 16 and 14.) They didn't even try it.
DS1 is turning 18 this year. He's already worrying about how to politely decline all the drinks relatives want to buy him. He has no interest at all in drinking.

I think by not forbidding them from drinking totally, they just don't see it as exciting. Whereas my mum would never have let me drink so it was a "fun" way to rebel.

Marty13 · 27/04/2022 02:25

Actually I strongly feel that teaching your child to drink is way better than just letting them on their own at 18. But teaching them to drink responsibly doesn't mean showing them how to get plastered. My parents allowed me an occasional beer in the summer and the occasional sip of wine when I was 15 and that was good - took the edge away from drinking because it wasn't this cool mysterious thing anymore, it was just a thing (and I didn't love how it tasted so I actually drank very rarely throughout my teens and twenties ! Only really developped a taste for it in my late twenties).

So, no I don't think teaching teens to drink responsibly is bad, but I do think that allowing them to get plastered is bad parenting and harmful to them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2022 02:38

why do parents want to teach 14 year olds to drink?

Because learning to drink responsibly is a skill. However, a lot of parents don't teach that.

Original poster
Really123456789 · 27/04/2022 02:41

surely teaching them that 14 is too young, is responsible parenting? Isn’t it time it was cool again to just say actually no, it’s not ok at 14.

the 14 year old friends are ‘going drink till I’m sick’ wtf! Yes been there, done it, but doesn’t mean it’s ok.

OP posts:
Butfirstcoffees · 27/04/2022 02:48

Getting and getting drunk, I agree. Ita too young.

Having a drink a home with a meal or to toast a celebration, no it's not too young imo.

My dd is 18. We always allowed the latter from around 13. Her friends parental are the same, even at one of their 18th birthdays parties, no one got drunk to the point they were sick. They just had a few. Possibly a bit merry. But not drunk.

Its not interesting to them. I will allow ds to do the same, when he is the same age.

Superhanz · 27/04/2022 03:12

My parents were really strict about alcohol. By age 14 I was getting plastered every weekend. Got knocked down aged 14 when I was drunk. It definitely didn't teach me responsible drinking. I had a borderline problem by age 18.

Contrast to DH allowed to drink in the house aged 14. Never any issues, same with his three other siblings.

When our daughter is a teenager we won't ban it but teach her if she wants to drink to do it responsibly.

Ylvamoon · 27/04/2022 03:35

Are these friends actually drinking until sick or is it just teenage show off with no substance?

Overall I think letting children/teens try the odd drink at home is far better than finding out the effects of alcohol when out and about.

Ratrick · 27/04/2022 03:40

There’s no good evidence to support the common notion that introducing children to alcohol at home helps them drink responsibly in adulthood (although there are studies that suggest it is actually harmful).

And certainly nobody should be getting plastered at 14.

ChampagneLassie · 27/04/2022 04:03

Ratrick · 27/04/2022 03:40

There’s no good evidence to support the common notion that introducing children to alcohol at home helps them drink responsibly in adulthood (although there are studies that suggest it is actually harmful).

And certainly nobody should be getting plastered at 14.

This. From age 14 onwards getting drunk was a recreational activity. My parents did not allow drinking and TBH if they had I think that would have just further normalised it and meant i built up more tolerance and drank more! They did allow my younger sister to drink with them from age 16 or so and she barley drank but I think that is because she was into sports. My perception is that it is better to have a strong relationship with teens and encourage other healither pursuits such that drinking and drugs wouldn't hold appeal.

mathanxiety · 27/04/2022 04:21

Agree with ChampagneLassie - there's more to keeping teens away from unhealthy relationships with drugs of any sort than just the drug itself and whether they can use it at home.

PinkSyCo · 27/04/2022 04:45

I’m sure parents don’t advocate their 14 year old kids going out and getting plastered. It doesn’t always stop them though. Kids are crafty. I’m sure your DC will be doing things you don’t approve of pretty soon.

Maybebabyno2 · 27/04/2022 05:29

Sounds like a load of bull shit to me OP. We probably said the same things when we were that age, what we would actually be doing was having a beer shandy with a friend and thinking we were ever so sophisticated.

anotherbrewplease · 27/04/2022 05:43

I completely agree with you @Really123456789

I also find it astounding people buying their under 18s alcohol. Just crazy.

Autienotnaughtie · 27/04/2022 06:04

Really123456789 · 27/04/2022 02:41

surely teaching them that 14 is too young, is responsible parenting? Isn’t it time it was cool again to just say actually no, it’s not ok at 14.

the 14 year old friends are ‘going drink till I’m sick’ wtf! Yes been there, done it, but doesn’t mean it’s ok.

The point is to pick the right time so your teaching them before they go and do it with their friends so 14 is potentially about right although it varies. You wouldn't wait to teach a teen about safe sex until 16, you want them to know before they are thinking about.

TeddyisMydog · 27/04/2022 06:06

My mum also thought the same as you OP.
Whenever I went shopping with her, I was made to completely avoid the alcohol aisle. It was definitely a product she hoped was installing fear into me about drinking.

Did not work. Was black out drunk at 13. I am horrified by the things I went through at that age all off which are unknown to her. It took years for me to become responsible with it.
Will definitely be doing as others have suggested, not force children to drink it but also not completely hide it

Thisismynamenow · 27/04/2022 06:23

Were you not 14 once?

Perhaps it's my low socioeconomic status but when I was 14 my parents had no say in whether i went out and got plastered because I did it behind their back, by getting older kids, or me dressed up as a older kid to buy alcohol or taking it from friends houses.

Once I turned 15 my parents realised (because they also did it when they wee kids) that it was safer and more responsibile to buy me some alcohol for parties, so they knew how much I was drinking, could limit the type and amount of alcohol, stop me approaching other people (older teens who may want to take advantage) to buy it, and build trust with me.

It's part of the the course of being a teenager. They try smoking, drinking, and things they shouldnt, or at least the ones in my area do.

Funnily, some of my (upper middle class) friends who were banned/heavily punished or didn't start drinking until they were 18 and were legal. Guess which ones went way overboard and got into dangerous situations whilst at uni/in night clubs? Whilst I'd already learnt the ability to stop drinking at the needed point whilst still being supervised by parents.

CJsGoldfish · 27/04/2022 06:25

I've seen many a thread on MN where the parents are buying alcohol for young teens to take to parties. With the justification that "all teens do it" or it's something they "all have to go through"
Yeah, nah. It's not. It's just lazy "let's be besties" kind of parenting.

Over on another thread/board there'll be the threads bemoaning the "drinking culture of the UK" 🙄

carefullycourageous · 27/04/2022 06:32

Ratrick · 27/04/2022 03:40

There’s no good evidence to support the common notion that introducing children to alcohol at home helps them drink responsibly in adulthood (although there are studies that suggest it is actually harmful).

And certainly nobody should be getting plastered at 14.

I was going to post basically this - evidence shows early drinking is a negative thing to do and 14 is early.

The UK has a drinking problem, many parents have a drinking problem, and 'teaching your kids to drink responsibly' actually just means 'teaching your kids to drink'.

We drink very little, our kids drink very little. They also found it hard at times but the alternative is drink just because of peer pressure. We have a fucked up drinking culture.

WalkerWalking · 27/04/2022 06:33

14 is definitely too young to be getting regularly drunk.

I mean, it's unhealthy and often dangerous for even 18+ to be getting properly legless in public on a regular basis.

My kids are not quite that age yet, but whenever their friends are pushing them to do something they're not comfortable with (staying out in the park after dark, or riding bikes down the main road etc) they just blame me, "ugh, my awful mum won't let me, you know what she's like <eye roll>" Tbh I really wouldn't let them! But, for the moment at least, my kids are fairly risk averse - long may it last.

RedHelenB · 27/04/2022 06:38

I think yabu saying kids don't have the choice to say no. Lots of teenagers don't drink. 14 and year 9 seems to be the age for house parties to start, but it settles down..I think yabu, teenagers like to rebel, they grow out of it.

MintJulia · 27/04/2022 06:40

My dps owned a pub so I grew up surrounded by alcohol, and saw a few drunks. By 8 I knew alcohol makes a person stupid and embarrassing.

At 15 we were allowed to taste anything on the bar. By 16 I knew what to avoid, when to stop, when to leave because someone else won't stop, and who to avoid.

Making drink a taboo makes it more attractive to silly teens. I had the opposite and rarely drink. But buying anything over 2% for a 14yo to take to an unsupervised party is a moronic thing to do. Just terrible parenting. Teenage bodies aren't developed enough to process it.

carefullycourageous · 27/04/2022 06:40

it's unhealthy and often dangerous for even 18+ to be getting properly legless in public on a regular basis the medical reality is it is unhealthy to drink almost anything at all, and certainly any more than a minimal amount.

People role model problem drinking to their kids, but problem drinking is pretty normalised. It's a weird mess.

Zonder · 27/04/2022 06:48

My DC are 14 and 16 and both have been allowed a drink at home for some time - one sometimes has a beer at the weekend and the other isn't interested. However I asked them and none of their friends drink like the OP describes. Maybe your DC just needs some new friends.