It is not ok for kids to drink alcohol

[Really123456789]

Is it really only me that thinks it is absolutely not ok for teenagers to drink?

I’m lucky my kid doesn’t want to yet (14) but all friends have started and only conversation is how pissed them what to get on Friday. Getting kid down! And feeling like has no friends like them anymore.

In my opinion it is absolutely not ok. Rest of life to drink. Do parents think it is really ok? Feeling sad that kids aren’t realising they have a choice to say no!

It is not about being saintly (I am very far from that) It is about being sensible and setting your teens up so they take the decisions, make good choices and can avoid alcohol if they wish to.
It is about being respectful of their growing bodies, allowing them to shape their own values and ideas and giving them space away from the hard drinking culture to decide for themselves.

I will take the cookie thanks, you can pour yourself another gin!!

Lots of 18yo will be doing drugs at Uni. Would you introduce them to drugs too so they have experienced the effects etc?

My mum use to give me a can or two if I was going out with my friends when I was about 14. That way she knew exactly what I was drinking. It also meant I had an open relationship with her and talked to her about stuff.
By expericing drinking at a young age it meant that it wasn't such a big deal to me as an adult. Sure when I turned 18 I went out and got shit faced a couple of times but now in my mind 20s I hardly ever drink at all.

The idea that sociable kids under the age of 18 are going to parties/meeting up with friends and SHOULD NOT DRINK is a very puritanical one.

IME there is nothing I can do as a parent to stop them from drinking under age other than to not let them leave the house until they turn 18.

So - IMO it is better to accept that this is happening. Like most of my friends, I sometimes agree to hosting a party or gathering in the knowledge they will be drinking. I have bought cider for them before - but haven't for some time as they know where they can buy it.

I would rather them be at my house/a friend's house so we can keep an eye on them. There's always one who takes it too far and I am there to help.

In my opinion that is responsible parenting. They can now go to festivals and eventually off to uni/wherever far more safely IMO than a kid who is suddenly exposed to it away from home at 18.

OP come back to us when your DC is 16.

DS thankfully did not start wanting to go to parties until a few months ago when he was almost 16. Some of the DPs actually supply alcohol at the parties, but it is usually beer and cider rather than stronger stuff.

I think it's unrealistic to go for a zero alcohol approach, also it means that if they get into trouble they can't discuss it with you. I've told DS to avoid spirits and stick to cider and beer. I've also told him he can always ring us if there is any problems.

We're also lucky because he's into his sports and body building so monitors his diet quite closely and as a result he doesn't appear to have been drinking too much.

‘’I guess it depends what you mean? Like, go out drinking and get plastered? Or have wine or small beer with dinner?’

is that a joke? What 14 year old needs a ‘small wine with dinner’? That’s just the MC bullshit that is drinking a can in the park isn’t on but drinking the same alcohol content with your parents is fine.
our U.K./European drinking culture is harmful enough without getting children, who brains are still growing, ‘used to’ the taste of alcohol.

Totally agree Ahgoon.

Also this weird dichotomy that it’s either a middle class glass of wine at home with parents or rolling round in the park out of your head on Thatchers.

Thanks all for your comments. Happy that I’m not the only parent that says it’s not ok.

I get that some think it is ok, we’re all allowed to agree to disagree.

Some comments had great ideas @Swayingpalmtrees is right, kid needs to find their tribe, that’s what we’ll be working on. Thank you all.

My teens aren't interested and hate drunk people, and the smell of alcohol.
My y10 as far as I know hasn't drank alcohol, vaped or smoked, but he is quite health focused (vege, goes to the gym).
I think the longer you can keep them away from alcohol the better (as is the case with most adult stuff).
OP maybe your boy's friends will calm down, or maybe he needs new friends.
Is he into gaming or sport?

The idea that sociable kids under the age of 18 are going to parties/meeting up with friends and SHOULD NOT DRINK is a very puritanical one

That is a very old fashioned, and somewhat defensive position. Many many teens below and over 18 have brilliant lives without alcohol and enjoy themselves without the need to get shit faced. You are producing a very myopic view of the world, if you can't imagine a fun life for your teens without cider!!

Your teens have clearly not been to places like the Alchemist, that have launched amazing alcohol free cocktails for their audience, young people under 25 mainly and they have a great time. Some parents clearly are finding the change to teens very difficult to understand, choosing to measure a 'good time' with their own experiences of getting pissed behind the bike sheds or in the woods, when actually the kids of today are very sophisticated and well informed, and no it is not cool look to be puking and legless on instagram or snap.

Some of these posts remind me that some parents are now very out of touch.

YABU to conflate parents allowing children the occasional drink at home with 14 year olds getting blind drunk behind their parents' back. They are not the same thing at all. You can disagree with both but there is little causation on that.

I have mixed feelings about drinking at home and what we teach children about alcohol. But I do think that alcohol seen as normal, to be consumed in reasonable limits, is not a bad thing. I don't believe it will prevent binge drinking in late teenage or early 20s however.

You know in the uk you can have a drink with a meal in a pub at I think at 16 so allowing your child one at home with a meal is not such a big deal & many european countries have wine from a young age with a meal
People go from one extreme to the other here and many claiming their kids hate alcohol, won't touch it etc
Don't be to smug just yet, I would of said that about my ds , it came back to bite is on the arse though
Alcohol is not just a uk problem like people try to make out either , there are a lot of drunk europeans in my town centre and also USA they drink later but college parties etc involve excessive drinking too
Theres a balance to getting it right with teens and drinking and its not easy, i never blatantly say my kids would never do xyz .
I know my parents don't know everything I have done

@Swayingpalmtrees your also out of touch if you think you know everything your teen has been upto
For years some people like to drink and others don't
Im in my 40's a couple of my friends never really drink and never have , its not a new thing

@axolotlfloof mine is similar but a lot of his gym friends are doing a little too much to get bigger and bulkier and its not always healthy either
There is more to look out for than just alcohol and smoking

We approached it with a relaxed angle op, we didn't have a zero alcohol policy, but the we didn't need one as neither of our teens are/were interested. We offered, they said no thanks drinking is for 'older people' and they are into body care, keeping fit, studying, active on climate and environmental issues and have a great social life surfing in the summer with friends, sailing and meeting for dinner in town. They go to parties but not for long, and don't drink and have no interest.

I think the young have a healthy outlook, they don't feel the need to fill their life with drink. Some of their friends get drunk occasionally, but it is the exception rather than the rule, and no one cares or judges. It is more concern, what made them feel they needed to get so plastered? What is going on with them and what happened that week etc. I find young people today are very in touch with their feelings, have a strong moral compass and compassion for the world well beyond themselves. That is my experience of them. They are very conscious of what goes on social media as well, and the consequences.

Composed young people, that are happy in themselves is surely the aim, and not blotting out teenage pain and angst with cider or vodka. Most teens of today are definitely much healthier than our generations, know that wine fries your brain cells and memory and see it as a post generational choice - a long with smoking etc. Good on them, and do all you can to support it op - my now adult teen dd tells me she was very glad we were so supportive of her decisions and it gave her confidence to stick to her guns, and as a result many of her friends by extension made the same choices.

@MsTSwift I've also read a study saying the same but can't find it now. I have a vague thought it was reported in the Washington Post I think. I'd be interested if you have a link please.

Feel like I’m in a parallel universe. Mine is 16 and doesn’t drink. Her friends don’t. It doesn’t seem popular with teens I know - my friends son has only started having odd drink age age 22. She’s into gym/nutrition.
I only drink occasionally. If she wanted a drink at home eg when we had a bbq I’d give her one. She’s legal to order a glass of wine in a restaurant but wouldn’t.
I wasn’t drinking in parks at her age and she doesn’t hang out like that. I live next to park and it’s those silver nitrous capsules I find on floor not bottles.

I drank till I was sick a few times at 14. I was absolutely not taught that or encouraged by my parents, they don’t drink much and I’ve never seen them drunk. There aren’t many parents who would encourage their children to get drunk, whatever your teenagers might tell you.

Would I let my 14 year old get plastered? no.
Would I allow my 14 year old to have a small amount of alcohol at home? feels young. But if it satisfied their curiosity and made it easier for them to avoid peer pressure drinking then maybe. Definitely at 16/17.

Of course I would be happiest if they weren't interested in drinking at all until much older. Hoping for that. Although I would rather they learn their limits at home with family than in a park with other drunk teens so first drinks even if over 18 my preference would be at home.

YANBU OP, I totally agree. I have a 14YO and we are up against the same thing. In fact her 13YO friend was allowed to get drunk with her mum in the holidays which I really do not understand.

I come from a big family of drinkers and the whole 'having a bit of alcohol at home as a teenager helps you to drink moderately' guff was bandied about a lot. In fact, we have quite a high rate of functioning, middle class alcoholism across my family so all that moderation in youth stuff doesn't seem to have helped anyone develop a healthy adult relationship with booze. In fact there is compelling evidence that the opposite is true:
www.niaaa.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/early-drinking-linked-higher-lifetime-alcoholism-risk

I"m not teetotal, I do drink alcohol at home (at the weekend) and on holiday but I've been clear with DC that I think it needs to be handled with care, can be highly addictive and that I don't think there's any reason to rush into starting drinking. They are totally on-board with that for now though I expect it'll get challenged before long.

The lovely thing about teenagers is that they really do have the ability to have a lot of fun without booze so let's not shove it down there necks (metaphorically speaking).

It is refreshing to see the change. It really is.

I envy the young of today, my generation were very self destructive looking back.

@MsTSwift & @Silversprinkles Just seen that you referenced similar research to the link I posted above earlier - I'm sure there's been more than one study done on this. The trouble is the alcohol industry is very good at getting stuff in the news about the perceived benefits of drinking and/or low risk of starting young and when you dig a little deeper it's often nonsenses.

For example, that widely quoted research about a small amount of alcohol being associated with increased longevity is based on research that included a lot of recovering alcoholics in the teetotal control group and didn't take into account damage to their health by many years of previous alcohol abuse

My 15 year old drinks occasionally at home, she'll sometimes have a glass of wine if me and DH are. Or prosecco at Christmas
She doesn't go out drinking though.
13 year old has no interest in drinking.
I remember being allowed to drink when I was about 14 and it removed it being forbidden so never got drunk and still only drink moderately now.

totally agree - I really cringe when I remember how I thought "fun" at university meant getting absolutely wasted on a regular basis. What an idiot. Heavy drinking / drug taking etc was so often used to blot out a whole load of difficulties that people (myself included) didn't want to face

14 year olds going out and getting plastered?

WTAF? Where?!