It is not ok for kids to drink alcohol

[Really123456789]

Is it really only me that thinks it is absolutely not ok for teenagers to drink?

I’m lucky my kid doesn’t want to yet (14) but all friends have started and only conversation is how pissed them what to get on Friday. Getting kid down! And feeling like has no friends like them anymore.

In my opinion it is absolutely not ok. Rest of life to drink. Do parents think it is really ok? Feeling sad that kids aren’t realising they have a choice to say no!

Definitely teens use alcohol when counselling would probably be better for them. Downing cider is easier than facing up to your own feelings, and can set a dangerous precedent for life. Drinking to deal with emotional pain is a very common feature in our society from top to bottom, and clearly starts early now at 13.
No one gets totally wasted for 'fun', it is not fun after all wetting yourself and losing your stomach contents at a party. Teen drinking is a sign of deeper unease, anxiety and problems and was always so. A good counsellor and straight talking would serve them better.
I enjoy a glass of wine, and would be happy enough if my adult children choose to drink in later years, I would be overjoyed if they decided they didn't need it, and built lives around something other than our rotten drinking culture.

I think DD1 was 15 and in Y11 before she had a party where we bought her and her friends some fruity, not very strong cider - and parents very much checked with one another that it was ok and they were only going to have one or two. 14 is a bit borderline but I wouldn't mind if they were only going to have one or two drinks.

Not drinking is no more puritanical than not smoking or not taking drugs.

It is a British cultural phenomenon that not drinking is seen as puritanical. Only seeing drinking as a 'sin' or moral issue is, in my opinion, puritanical.

Viewing drinking as bad for physical and (possibly) mental health is not a moral judgment.

Basically - I am happy for you to drink as much as you like, I just think it is objectively healthier for me not to drink.

Children learn from the example of their parents, not from how strict they are. Having a small amount of wine or beer at a family dinner on a regular basis is not the same as buying a teenager alcopops to drink at a party with no supervision.

If they start at 13 they will have had no chance to weigh up if they even want to drink or not, the parental expectation that they automatically will is quite disturbing and takes away the child's autotomy to decide for themselves.

Not really...just consider it the same as any other food or drink item. If the child doesn't like tea or coffee for example. They are offered it and if they don't want it there's no expectation that they will drink it. I also don't see that there's any big decision to be made about whether they will drink or not. They can decide each time it's on offer whether they want any and parents can model responsible decision making around the amount and type and situation where drinking is appropriate.
If young teenagers are going to parties and getting drunk then the obvious answer is not to let them go to those parties. Encourage other friends and activities. Peer pressure around drinking is difficult to resist even for many adults. The aim is to instill sensible attitudes while avoiding high risk situations.

It is possible to understand why we have so many alcoholics in this country when we consider the labels given to those that prefer not to drink carefully and the constructed idea that you can only have fun if you are drunk. No doubt supported heavily by those that stand to profit financially from a culture heavily dependent. Young people seem to be challenging that view, and coming up with alternatives - they seem to carry the same values around eating meat, or using plastic etc etc. I find it most encouraging to see such positive change.

I don't think you are factoring in the pressure snack in certain circles teens will be under pressure to drink, and if their parents are providing it all becomes quite awkward for a teen trying to say no.

My 14 year old doesn't drink normally but on special occasions I buy some low alcohol ciders and if he wants some he can have a couple. He's probably the size of a 17 year old, so not a small child who would get drunk off one can. He's never been drunk. I think it's better for kids to see what a healthy relationship with alcohol looks like and that there's enjoyment in it and it's not just there to get you pissed, rather than being neurotic because as soon as they're old enough to buy for themselves that could end in disaster.

Peer pressure around drinking is difficult to resist even for many adults I don't disagree - this is the root of a lot of problem drinking in the UK. It is amazing how many adults are utterly incapable of saying no to a drink if everyone else is having one - and then wonder why their children are susceptible to peer pressure.

There is a real blind spot with parents about what they are modelling. It doesn't matter what you say usually, it matters what you do.

I don't think it's just about the physical impact of that specific alcohol consumption on them though, it's about 'getting them used to' the idea and taste of alcohol as if it's a necessary part of 'normal life' when they are perfectly capable of having fun without it and when there is evidence to show that drinking as a young person increases risk of harmful drinking in later life. That is not, of course, to say that every young person who has a drink at the family dinner table will develop alcohol problems, it's one of many risk factors but why not just wait until their brains are more developed

My 14 year old doesn't drink normally but on special occasions I buy some low alcohol ciders and if he wants some he can have a couple. He's probably the size of a 17 year old, so not a small child who would get drunk off one can.

This is an example of what I mean - it is badged as 'teaching them to drink responsibly' but actually this is just 'teaching them to drink'. This is how parents encourage their child to start drinking alcohol in social situations, rather than teaching them they don't need to drink in social situations.

Soz I wasn't clear that my previous post was in response to this. In short, I don't think we can treat alcohol 'the same as any other food or drink item' because it is highly addictive and vast numbers of people die every year from alcohol-related causes

Why would a child need to drink on special occasions?
Do you not see you are setting your child up for a life of drinking if you are encouraging them to do this.

A special occasion can be just as special without cans of cider furrbaby
It is not like weaning a child, or teaching them to swim - they can have whole lives without cider.

Yabu.

why would you want your child going on nights out at 18 with no prior alcohol tolerance or safety net of you being around whilst they’re experimenting?
it was always obvious on nights out whose parents were strict and wouldn’t let them drink.
always me picking up the pieces from that and having to be the sensible one.

I was encouraged to drink from tbe age of 14. After something that happened to a family member it was extremely important to my dad that I had built up some alcohol tolerance before the age of going on nights out and not having a family safety net.

i don’t drink as an adult, I’ve had my fun.

Do you not see you are setting your child up for a life of drinking if you are encouraging them to do this.

Not really, my parents and grandparents only had alcohol on special occasions and then only one or two drinks. I don't think having a glass of sherry or fizz at Christmas consititutes problem drinking.

I was 18 in 1992 so different to now, but my gran would pour me out a g&T when I was 14 (not to tell your mom) and we used to sit in her garden sipping it and chatting. You could go to pubs where I live and drink legally from 16, so I did. Had a beer and tapas with friends and a nice chat. I think I have been drunk a handful of times in my life as having a drink was neither forbidden fruit nor something I could use to rebel. Thought it was really weird when I visited relatives in England and having a pub lunch someone would walk up to me and ask my aunt if I was 14 hehe and I was drinking tonic water and having a sandwhich, I just thought it was bizarre as I would go to dinners in Spain, everyone would have drinks with their meal and no one batted an eyelid, I couldnt drink if I was under 16 but I could be present. Then English friends some years later would be getting plastered and they came from this puritan culture. Surprising.

Not for you rose but that is lucky, for millions of others that is precisely how their drinking problem started. The idea that no fun can be had without a few drinks is the problem.

You do not need to build alcohol tolerance in young teens, this is madness and not based on medical science at all, it simply means your teens will drink more to get drunk. It is not some protective shield like good gut bacteria! Why would you need to build it up if you were going to enjoy a life free of alcohol. There are some very ingrained conditioning posts on here, rooted in the past when we did not know the damage alcohol and cigarettes were doing to us.

Go to any A&E and you are likely to see plenty of drunks slowly dying there from liver disease and injuries in their late forties/early fifties and consider how they are ended up there, they were young kids once watching the world around them, I am sure they didn't plan to end their lives in that way.

But based on that your DC can't talk to you if they drink spirits. My DC knows they can ring me anytime too. We are able to talk about things even if we have different view points. My teen knows my views on drinking and that I would like him to wait until he is 18 to have a drink. But of course ultimately it is his choice. However, I'm glad he knows I care enough to look after his interests even though it goes against British drinking culture. I also model it by drinking very moderately, myself.

My kids are 15 and 16. They don’t drink and none of their friends go out and get plastered (I’ve just asked them). If my older one was going to a party or something I’d get her something to drink but it’s not happened yet. I’m not averse to letting them drink but not get plastered.

Completely agree.

You do not need to build alcohol tolerance in young teens, this is madness and not based on medical science at all, it simply means your teens will drink more to get drunk Agree with this.

Official UK medical guidance is no alcohol before 18 due to the damage it causes to developing brains, why damage the brain earlier than necessary?

Lots of illogicality on this thread.

@SVRT19674 If I understood you correctly, you grew up in Spain? I do think there is a different drinking culture there and that goes a long way to explaining your experience of coming back to the UK and finding everyone getting plastered. I.e. I don't think it's the legalities around alcohol that turn Brits into alcoholics, it's the whole culture of selling kids the idea that large quantities of alcohol are required to cope with the stresses of normal life and to have fun. And in my view that often starts in the teen years with 'have a little bit to get used to the taste of it' and, as I said upthread, that statistically increases the risk of problematic drinking later. Clearly that's not always going to be the case and, you have obviously grown up drinking responsibly.

But with the knowledge we now have about the effects of alcohol, I'd rather my kids had fun without it for as long as possible. Of course if, in at 15/16, they are desperate to try it, I might feel it's counterproductive not to let them but I'd certainly be talking to them alongside that about the detrimental health impacts of alcohol

Some of the comments seem extremely naive to me. Young people are not some homogeneous blob and
to a large extent ones teens drinking habits are dictated by the social group they are in. I'd love it if DS was in the same friendship group he had when younger with sensible boys where I know the DPs and know that alcohol will not be provided.

However this is not who he has chosen to be friends with, and it's more realistic to say to him if drink is on offer to try it if he wants to, but keep the amounts moderate and avoid spirits in preference to beer or wine. If I told him he shouldn't drink then he may feel unable to approach me if he has any concerns.
As it is I think he's had a few beers at the parties he has been to, but because he's very into his body building it's not an issue at the minute.

This!! I might save this middle paragraph for use in discussions with family members about this!!

I think it's unrealistic to go for a zero alcohol approach, also it means that if they get into trouble they can't discuss it with you. I never told mine they mustn't drink, I just told them the scientific facts about drinking and said that's why we didn't drink very much at all. Importantly I was not hypocritical.

If they needed to phone me because they were drunk they could have phoned me - not drinking is a health choice, not a moral judgement.