Are you or do you know a traditional wife?

[Juniper68]

Just watching Stacey Dooley staying at the trad wife's home. I didn't realise there were so many of them?
I really liked the wife and dcs. The dh not so much. Choosing the wife's clothes. Making dcs wear something heavy on their back if they've been naughty 😮
I'm not against being a sahm. But him calling all the shots is so controlling.

I think that's taking the definition of scrutiny to an extreme, DH isn't some random person with their own motive, he's always got my best interests at heart. TBH, I really don't mind if he thinks I'd look better in something else and tells me that, in fact I actually quite enjoy it.

Bare shoulders is a modesty thing, As to why shoulders and not arms? I'm really not sure, I understand why clothing that exposes cleavage is frowned upon or tight fitting clothing etc. I think it's just to keep exposed flesh to a minimal so as not to appear as a sex object to others. DH didn't demand that I dress that way, he just suggested it and then suggested it be a rule, I was quite happy to do it. It is expected that people dress that way when you visit more traditional churches. There's a book someone wrote a while I back on modest dress, I haven't read it however I have friends who have and they've told me it's a explains it well.

As to what would happen if I didn't do it? I'd have disobeyed my husband which is a sin and I'm more worried about God's wraith than DH's. I think DH would tell me to go and change, I've no idea what would happened if I still disobeyed, I've never tried. My rebellious period is very much in my past.

I am a trad wife and know a few others. I'm a housewife, homeschool DD and do all the cooking and cleaning bar a few jobs like heavy lifting. DH works FT and I used to work for him PT. I don't have a dress code but do dress nicely specifically for him. We even kept 'obey' in our wedding vows

So if you're husband told you to do something that you really didn't want to or felt uncomfortable with you'd do it?

We even kept 'obey' in our wedding vows

Or did he tell you it was staying in?

Such a bad example for any parents to set. 'Obey' your menfolk.

I think that most people who think women should obey their husbands also probably have certain views about same sex relationships.

Of course you don't and I wouldn't impose it on my friends, the point about your friends was about putting trust in someone else to make a choice on your behalf.

I also made a separate point about submission according to scripture and that is why I gave DH the power to impose things, while I can only advise him. Yes, I know there's a power imbalance and I know many people on MN would strongly object to that but to use an analogy, a company can only have one CEO, our house has one head and that's DH.

Bless him, I'm sure he'd do a superb job, although you're quite right though, it would be a tough job to have to choose clothes for someone else on a regular basis, it's bad enough choosing for DCs. I don't ask DH much about clothes, it tends to be other decisions I defer to him.

Yes, they are religious views - trad R/C.

Other than having 5 kids and wearing long skirts etc., I'm not sure you'd guess my religious views just on my appearance in public. I don't know where you live however I'd actually love to live in a community of people who were similar to me.

I don't homeschool, I felt that was best left to the experts however I know a couple of people who do and I can see the advantages of it. I also have a cleaner who comes in once a week although I do most of the cooking, DH does lead the family in cooking a big family meal every Saturday night. Having the cleaner come in allows me to do paid work which I find to be a nice escape.

@MaryChild the way you describe modesty as a prevention for women being seen as sex objects is victim blaming. The problem here is with men. My DDs know this and have the strength to put badly behaved men in their place.

But why on earth do people assume a man knows better than a woman to make important decisions? Are they assuming men are more intelligent than women? There's no evidence for that. And actually men if they're the trad breadwinner and out of the house a lot may not know as well as their wife what's in the children's best interests for instance.

Apart from the fact that religious texts were written hundreds of years ago and reflect outdated misogyny about 'the weaker sex' where's the evidence that men make decisions that are better for a family? Men are responsible for 98% of the violence in society so clearly their judgement isn't always measured and right. And in working class families often the woman would control the finances because the husband couldn't be trusted with the pay packet down the pub on pay day. Also the 'tradition' of male and female roles in the household is really a recent invention and not traditional at all.

Why would an intelligent woman pass all their agency onto men? and bring up their daughters in that environment?

DH isn't going to ask me to do something extreme as he loves me, so I'm not going to be jumping off a bridge for him, nor am I going to commit a sin for him either as we both have to answer to God. If this situation did occur, I'd do what he asked although I can't think of a scenario off the top of my head where this would occur.

It was traditional to hang people, flog animals and watch cock, bull or dog fighting as a sport! We haven't kept them up just because men thought it a brilliant idea.

Exactly. It assumes that women need a man to police their ability to not be sex objects.

also you say your DH knows what’s best for you. But what if he doesn’t?

Clearly not that intelligent eh?

If a jewellery shop decided not to have a glass window between the street and their jewellery and someone walked by and stole a diamond ring, who is at fault? While the thief is always at fault, the jeweller is also at fault as could have prevented that from occurring (and his insurance company would agree). What I'm saying is there are bad people in the world and as much as I'd love your DDs and everyone else's DDs to be free from harassment, it's not going to occur. Sadly, some people treat provocative clothing as an invitation.

I haven't seen the programme, but reading the PPs replies about deferring to the dh and hiding behind scripture is enough to set me on edge. Religion isn't an excuse for bigotry, abuse, discrimination, stoning, execution or any of the other things that have been done in the name of it.

I know a 'trad wife', not sure it was a conscious choice but that's where she is. SAHM, claims she's too timid/shy/useless to do anything without her dh, won't express an opinion without checking with the dh, he pays for everything, makes all the decisions. They call or text every 10 minutes, shower together and she doesn't 'feel the need to be a person away from him' - direct quote.

It's painful. She won't meet up without him because she won't let him 'miss out'. Shame because he's a knob so very few friends bother seeing her.

My MIL had a go at me three times in the last month for not being a traditional wife/strong woman.
she told me how disgusting she finds it that dh helps with the children. Told me I’m lazy and weak. Plenty of other personal comments to the point it was a total character assassination. Apparatus all her side of the family have discussed me and think I’m appalling because they’d never make a man do any of the childcare etc !
She then had a go at dh as well because she wanted him to drop everything one day immediately to take her somewhere and he couldn’t as we were out - straight away ranting then started up on me again about how I should be doing it all so he could prioritise her

Apparatus-apparently

How do you mean

Dare I say, my husband has taken care of that

I'm sorry but even I find that weird. While we've carved up the household jobs (earn money/look after DCs etc) into traditional male/female roles, we still operate as a team and DH always pitches in when he can, likewise I'd go back to working full time, if that was required.

So complex. I have seen couples now in their late pension years where wives worked full time for many years. Had money in own name but are not allowed to make decisions or spend these life savings. Husbands know what is in the account. The women ask permission to spend even modest amounts and often refused. Wives won’t defy them. To me these women have the worst of both worlds, no real spending power, but did not enjoy the luxury of not working.
prisoners of their own inability to fight after years of control and afraid to leave. Only access they get is if they outlive spouse and often he has dictated inheritance, so they can carry on obeying after death. So sad. These women were born in 1930’s and 1940’s. Husband making all decisions as the boss, but they both paid for it. Hopefully most women will now not tolerate this and need equal say. I do

You're actually saying if your husband told you to jump off a bridge you would do it? Thats fucked.

You might say he would never do something like that but a. you can't ever know for certain what someone else would do and b. there are a lot of women out there where their husbands would tell them to do things they don't want. Should they obey?

I've had bare shoulders all week this week because it's so hot. (Sometimes shorts above the knee too!) Absolutely nothing untoward has happened and I've felt comfortable in the hot weather. If DH (or anyone else) insisted I put a tshirt or long sleeves on, for no apparent reason, they would be told to mind their own business.