Why why why do people have kids without marriage

[changedandcantchangeback]

Obviously if you earn more.. have an independent income... so NOT aimed at you..

But WHY after all these years do I see threads from economically improvised women STILL posting how they are so severely compromised ?

I think you're actually asking, why do unmarried mothers give up work or live in houses only their partner owns? Rather than why people don't get married in general

Because:

A shit load of pregnancy isn't planned.
They don't understand legal rights.
They don't think their partner is a shit.
They want kids more than they want security.
They are promised it in future.
They erroneously believe it's just a piece of paper.
They don't know the wage gap and sexism exists until they have a baby.
They are philosophically opposed to marriage.

That's just a random sampling.

Social conditioning. Cultural norms. Lack of opportunity to improve their economic situation.

we STILL haven’t closed the pay gap or eliminated poverty. Perhaps we should ban all human reproduction until we have.

Because people often don’t have kids with the view that their partner is going to screw them over? Things change and what may have started as a mutual agreement can sour like anything else

I had a serious chat with a close friend of mine whose dh was a high earner she became a sahm to 2 kids and gave up her job and discussed marriage as a way to guarantee some security. She was blasé but they did marry when their youngest child was 2 in the end

maybe there isn’t enough education out there on ‘common law wife’ etc

What MrsTP said

Biological clock is ticking and they want to have kids before it's too late, then plan to get married later?

Many pregnancies are not planned so I thought it would be quite obvious?!

Also not everyone sees marriage in the same way, also some have kids out of insecurities or they don't believe in it etc, don't want the other person to take half

There are many reasons OP

Because they're gaslit the fuck out of by men who claim to love them and want commitment I'd imagine, given by a lot of threads on here.

We got married when DD1 was 6 months old. I hadn't even given it headspace to be truthful until we both did a will and talked to a solicitor and financial advisor about it all.

Because some might get pushed out of their jobs

Some good partners turn into utter wankers

Circumstances change and no amount of experience and qualifications allows you to earn a good salary and give the support your child needs

Because they are sweet, trusting, romantic, in love and not suspicious or cynical.

Not me. I wanted the contract.

Because it would have made fuck all difference when we split up.

Other than I'd have had the cost of a divorce (do they cost?) to deal with too.

You couldn’t possibly be blaming women for the shit behaviour of men, could you ?

Plus
They want someone to love them. And that being either a partner or a child or both.
Because Biblical morals went out of the window on the whole, decades ago.
Because many or even most people can only see what is in front of them right now. And believe it all too.
Because they cant see any further than now.
Because they do not know what is around the corner.
Because they have not grown up much. And dont know much about the world.
Because they think, well if it doesnt work out with a partner, I will still have the children.

I wonder how many think common law marriage exists.

I was looking for house insurance recently and was amazed by how many of the online forms listed common law as a valid relationship status

I'm really glad I didn't marry the father to my children. We very nearly did and I am so glad fate happened and we had to cancel last minute. I would be in a much worse position then I am now! Women who give up their careers believing a man will take care of you however... Very silly in my opinion.

If you live your life through the lens of TV soaps, lies from politicians & social media you may be inclined to think it wont happen to you, and if it does everything will be fine.

@AnyFucker
*
You couldn’t possibly be blaming women for the shit behaviour of men, could you ?*

No, she isn't blaming women however there are some shitty men out there and what the op wants to know is , why after having the knowledge that such men exist would you still not get married to secure yourself !!

Because life throws you numerous curve balls - after 12 years of marriage, few miscarriages and then 2 children - I did not expect my then DH to piss off fuck a family friend and try to screw me over.

Fortunately - I had the last laugh am now happier than him, earn more than him and thankfully not as fat as him!

However, none of this did my crystal predict for me before it happened

My DH said he wasn't into marriage, I said 'yeah cool, but I will never have children without marriage'. We married. But I came from a single parent background so maybe I had an insight others don't, I saw it wasn't easy. Maybe others think marriage will follow babies, but in some cases men think there is no need to bother by then.

Because "marriage is just a piece of paper/ it doesn't change feelings/ we love each other regardless"

Sadly the world is full of feckless idiots who put their own desire to have a baby before any serious consideration of what that baby's life will be like (living in poverty, or with an abusive registered father, or with no father, etc).

The more threads I see on here from single women pregnant in bad situations and planning to keep their babies regardless, the more I wonder if the Conservative party is planting them... but I think a lot of women really are that stupid.

I have 2 dc and I've never married and don't intend to, because I don't want to. It suits me fine. But I think I'm one of the ones your post doesn't apply to as I'm the breadwinner and have always been and always intend to be financially independent 😊

Because being married doesn't mean they won't fuck off and leave you as a single parent. It doesn't guarantee they'll pay maintenance or be a decent parent or that you'll be any 'better off' should the marriage end.

All I ended up with was a massive bill for the divorce.

The end.

I'm currently separating from my partner and father of my child and couldn't be more relieved we aren't married! I have higher earning potential than him, can easily up my hours from the part time I do now, haven't damaged my career particularly from having children, have always kept separate finances and savings of our own and we own our house jointly. I'm not sure really what I would stand to gain from having been married to him, he doesn't earn much and has few assets. I think it depends entirely on the couples circumstances as to whether marriage is important or not.

Even being married doesn't offer much security.

I'm separating from my husband, due to the kids I can only work 24 hours a week, one of those days I'm already having to pay for a full day at nursery for my youngest.

I earn minimum wage, topped up by UC. I'm trying to buy a shared ownership house but I don't earn enough to even borrow £13K, I have a good sized deposit from the house but even putting £30K down isn't enough. I'm penalised because I have kids basically, that's what my mortgage broker told me earlier. If I rent I lose my UC, suffer insecure housing and will never get on the property ladder again.

If we weren't married I would still own half the house and get my share so other than paying money for divorce I am not gaining anything.

I might be entitled to half his pension but I'm not 100% sure on that.

So yeah... marriage hasn't exactly protected me.