Why why why do people have kids without marriage

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Obviously if you earn more.. have an independent income... so NOT aimed at you..

But WHY after all these years do I see threads from economically improvised women STILL posting how they are so severely compromised ?

Meaning this as a PP said:

Far better to educate women on the importance of having a job and developing their financial independence, rather than banging on about marriage being a silver bullet.

It’s like a 1930’s version of mumsnet has landed

I got pregnant really early on in our relationship so marriage wasn't even discussed
We had 2 children before we finally got married. Since we got married we've had another baby.
I understand there are risks but there are risks to getting married too. I wasn't prepared to end up in a shit marriage because we had a baby. However I had less worries than some because my partner didn't earn loads or own his own house. Maybe that makes a difference.

so many people on here implying that most unmarried woman with children are careless or stupid. What a lot of tosh. Also there seems to be a lot of woman on Mumsnet who see a husband as a golden meal ticket- how well does that work out? Many of my friends have partners, great jobs and children quite successfully without being married. As long as you are aware of the financial problems that can occur and protect yourself I fail to see why you need to be married.

I married for practical reasons, as at the time I had one child and wanted another. And I really regret doing so. It cost us both a lot of money for an amicable straightforward divorce, and really added to the trauma of the separation process. It would have been so much easier to just walk away without having to go through that too. I definitely do not agree with the idea that all or even most women need to get/be married if children are involved, from what I can see, divorce is a complicated expensive process with solicitors being the winners. Far easier to walk away with all of your own assets intact. And easier to make the decision to do so.

EmptyBites
Decent guide marriage v cohabitation on CAB website.
If your husband dies you get a lump sum and bereavement support payment, nothing if partner dies.
If you are living in his house there’s mechanism to register interest in matrimonial home so you and children can’t be thrown out. Split with boyfriend and he can ask you to
live his house immediately.
Common scenario of woman going pt after kids. Couple split 15 years later. Her earning potential is low as she’s only had bits of jobs around kids. He’s progressed and earns well as she’s done all childcare/housework. Married she can claim part of his pension and will usually get larger financial payment to reflect her contribution to marriage. Unmarried she gets nothing.

By suggesting they marry a rich man before having children? Out with their control surely if said man doesn’t want to get married. Maybe op should condemn women who give up work instead. See how that goes down.

Because going through my own parents divorce put me off marriage for a very long time. Marriage massively disadvantaged both my mother and me.

I am married now but I had my DS first because of I had a closer biological deadline.

natcen.ac.uk/news-media/press-releases/2019/january/almost-half-of-us-mistakenly-believe-that-common-law-marriage-exists/

Statistics showing half of people mistakenly believe common law marriage exists.

I don’t think marriage is the answer. What we should be addressing is the fact that men can just walk away from relationships (married or not) and not provide for their children.

there’s endless threads on here about fathers not paying a penny for their children, becoming self-employed “hiding” money and paying £1.70 a week whilst swanning around in luxury cars. Why is the CMS useless? Why is the contribution SAHMs made over the years not taken into account in divorce proceedings? Women get screwed over time and time again. Why are men allowed to not show up to see their children then bully women into allowing access? The whole system is anti-women still.

Common scenario of woman going pt after kids. Couple split 15 years later. Her earning potential is low as she’s only had bits of jobs around kids. He’s progressed and earns well as she’s done all childcare/housework.

illustrating the point perfectly why women are willing leave their jobs to sacrifice themselves for men. Not sure why you would do that married or otherwise given job is finance but also lots of other things and before anyone rams down my throat the importance of childcare and not using nurseries etc. having a job is a good role model and why isn’t your ‘husband’ doing 50% of it?

I was married for 2 years when my child was born. Not that it did me any good. During the pregnancy it became clear that he thought he had a meal ticket for life. I threw him out of my house which I bought long before I met him. He was annoyed to find he could not control me. He was further annoyed with me when everyone turned against him. He is a miserable git and does his best to make me miserable. I wish I had not married him and if I did have the child I should have kept the paternity a secret. I never receive a penny in Child Support so there was no financial security for me. I was wise enough to block him from trying to obtain spousal support. I own property and other assets, he still has the same nothing that he had when I knew him.
Marriage is not everything

the reason I didn’t get married is because I didn’t want to. Perhaps you should consider the possibility that some women don’t want to get married? Perhaps they can support themselves as I can and would rather make sure their assets go to their children than their ex?

Hence 'random sampling' from my post. As in, there may be myriad other reasons.

Personally, I had more money in the beginning, but nearly died after birth, ended up taking a career break because I was so sick.
thankfully I didn’t procreate with a shit, and I’m much more well now and am working again
but i imagine if I was still too sick to work and was with a twatman then I’d be exactly who you’re asking about. And I guess the answer would be a mix of misfortune and thinking it wouldn’t happen to me

@MrsTerryPratchett emm yeah but there’s lots of good reasons women don’t want to get married. It’s not just because we’re stupid and feckless as per your list.

A couple of my nieces have had children with their partners because " we can't afford a wedding but want to have a baby."
There seems to be this idea among many young people that they have to spend a fortune on an Instagram worthy wedding so buy houses and have families without getting married.
I've also seen a few women whose partners are marriage shy have a whoops baby as an attempt to get their partners to commit.

isahlo I developed a life threatening condition triggered by pregnancy and spent my 30s having multiple surgeries plus DC was born with a disability - double whammy!
Prior to birth I had same job and earnings as him.
I was married but when I see people post about just keep working and you’ll be fine you don’t need to marry I do think of my situation.

@Dixiechickonhols what if it had been your dh who have developed health problems though? Not to say you wouldn’t have wanted to care for him but marriage would have made you worse off in that scenario.

ultimately there’s no guarantee marriage will be good for women financially. Marry if u want to. If u don’t then don’t

Because sometimes in life, things happen beyond your control? You can’t plan every single detail of your life.

I fell pregnant early into a relationship. Was it “ideal”? Not on paper, no. But many years on we’re still together, planning to get married soon, I’m still working, we own a home together and have two beautiful kids. We’re doing pretty damn well.

Plenty of people go down the traditional route and end up with an abusive, piece of shit husband who doesn’t do any parenting and/or cheats on his wife. No one has an ability to see into the future and having a wedding band on your finger doesn’t guarantee infinite happiness and success.

I think this thread is quite bitchy to be honest. It has similar undertones to people who whine about how millennials can’t afford to buy property because they eat avocado and toast, rather than the huge disparity between average wages and average house prices.

Don’t be so smug. You have no idea of what your future holds, and in 5 years time you might be coming on here asking for advice in case of a divorce. No one knows. So I’d definitely take a step back and re-evaluate.

Why do you care?

I had my daughter before I got married. We shared a house with a joint mortgage so it didn't bother me, as I knew my finances were ok. He was (is) a good man and I knew he'd pay maintenance if we split.

Got married when she was 3, had our son 2 years after, divorced 10 years later. Yes he did pay more than he was required to pay, maintenance.

I think good on 'em. I wish I hadn't married dd's dickhead dad. Why do people persist in saying that you are financislly sorted if you marry him? Worra load of bollocks

Having a baby was more important to be than getting married. But once my daughter was 2, I wanted to get married, I just felt that I wanted us to be married and lots of our friends were, so we did. It was never a big issue.
I never knew the financial implications of being a mum without being married. I never considered it. Was only when my daughter was 2 that I thought about it.

I didn't feel any rush to get married because we earned the same amount, we jointly owned our house, we had wills and we both went down to the same part time hours when kids came along to share the childcare 50-50, so neither of us was at a financial or career disadvantage. We didn't have any powers of attorney or anything like that though, which I would have looked into if we hadn't eventually got married (because we wanted to be married, rather than protection for either of us)

I think your partner earning a lot more than you is more precarious than not being married, as it seems to send so many women down the path of shouldering the part time working/career hit/childcare on their own while their partner keeps on climbing the career ladder and widening the gap.