Why why why do people have kids without marriage

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Obviously if you earn more.. have an independent income... so NOT aimed at you..

But WHY after all these years do I see threads from economically improvised women STILL posting how they are so severely compromised ?

It takes two to tango perhaps their partner won't marry and the biological clock is ticking. I find women are generally more keen on children than men and men again on average are keen to protect their assets. Especially since their partner can choose to spend more time with children (or give up work), it is a myth in many cases that men support their partners giving up work to raise the children often they have no say (well you can't force someone to return to work). Of the men I know marriage isn't top of their list any more and with no real body clock men can afford to wait it out.

It’s more than that. Women are bashed for not getting married in a way they’re not criticised for not going to university, prioritising promotion, paying into a pension etc. There is an extra level of vitriol reserved for women on here who don’t have the a relationship that meets approval.

My friend had hers by donor insemination. She doesn't want to share her child with a man because she's never dated one who would be a good role model. She's very happy.

This. 21 years cohabiting, 2 young adult dc, I just don't want to be married despite DP asking me, but I prob will in the next year or so for pension rights. Or civil partnership. I hate the thought of being married.

I figured some people just never got round to it until years ago chatting to the other mums at the nursery door it was very much so they could claim the father didn’t live with them and could receive benefits as lone parents

I refused children without marriage, also didn't give up my career and as an adult have never been and never will be financially dependent on someone else.
However if you have no assets, no savings and are in low paid entry level jobs without hope of progression or as a household solely reliant on benefits, and your DH is in the same boat, divorce can't give you a slice of nothing, so what's the point?

I think the main thing is to never ever ever give up work or compromise your career progression for a man.

Whether you're married or unmarried if you split and you've compromised your career then you're fucked.

Have kids with a man who is 100% clear your career is as important as his and don't accept anything less than him doing 59% of the work

Easier said than done though isn't it?

I could have ended the OP's question
after 'kids'

Marriage isn’t going to help you much if the guy’s a dick. Literally hundreds of threads on here over the years of women getting screwed over by their husbands in the divorce.

Honestly a lot of women don't have great options. They want a baby and they don't push for marriage first because they know the guy will run for the hills. This way they have the kids anyway, which is better than nothing. I prefer that option to exist than a situation where only solvent couples in perfect marriages may procreate.

Also I think Mumsnet overestimated the extent to which marriage protects you if your ex really wants to screw you over. I've seen friends come out if divorces with mystifyingly little.

Im not married and have no intention of being. I don’t really see that it has a huge impact on my financial position (save on the death of my DP which is why wills are on our to do list). DP is higher earner and has more assets than me BUT I am financially secure (enough) in my own right. The point is that I made sure I had a good career and financial independence before having children (and before settling down with a partner tbh).

I don’t and never have viewed marriage (or a relationship with a man) as my route to financial security. Surely the fact that some women feel that is the only option for them is the problem - caused (among other things) by the gender pay gap, societal expectations on mothers, lack of affordable childcare…

I've been co habiting with DP for 14 years. 2 DCs. We were 32 when we got together and really wanted children, so that was prioritised. We both own the house we live in and I am a SAHM. We are going to sort out a civil partnership. He asked me to marry him on the way to register DC1's birth and I said yes, but we just haven't got round to organising it. I did ask him just now if he was still up for it and he gave me a resounding yes. We're just not very good at organising things. It's on our never ending list of things to do! We do have very good wills though.

Because you can't force somebody into marriage - besides, if you have significant assets to your name you'd be insane to even entertain it.

Or you know, the fact that you want to spend a few years raising your children?

Why why why should it matter?

Why don't they enforce proper laws for paying parents. Close loopholes for self employed. Ensure there are penalties for not doing so? Punish people who actively lie about their earnings?

Why is CMS as low as 12th in the order of things that take priority for existing debt. (There was a link to this on a recent thread)

Not everyone wants to get married. In this day and age it doesn't always benefit either party to get married.

^^This

Marriage protects even high earning women by spreading the Inherent risk of childbirth and parenting. Plus that extra step helps screen the potential co-parent.

marriage rates are still high among highly educated, high earning couples. Marriage still works for people in privileged positions and it can work for people in less privileged positions as well. Over time I have come to believe that women have simply misunderstood the message of equality that our mothers and grandmothers were trying to teach. It was never about splitting things 50:50. It was about making sure women had the opportunity to be financially independent and that women should not solely face the financial burdens of child rearing.

I know I'm generalising, but from my experience and my friends' experience, it's... not the women! There's a generation of Peter Pans in long term relationships in their mid/late 30s with no incentive to make an actual commitment and don't really know what they want. I think generally women WANT commitment for the security, but you can't force someone to marry you. I'm a single mum now by choice but when I was dating, it was so hard to find a man who knew what he was looking for.

This.

What does economically improvised mean? Do you mean impoverished?

Because my first wasn't planned. Was told chances of ever conceiving naturally were pretty much nil. Met someone. Had a surprise pretty much straight away. Was determined I was going through with it in case it was my only chance. Wouldn't have forgiven myself if it was and I gave it up. Still together. Still not married. A second planned baby because in for a penny in for a pound right? Made sure I'd be better off financially in the event of splitting. Don't need to be married to have a financial back up plan. And we are far from well off. Zero regrets. And zero worries about what if he leaves me

Because they believe in the myth of a 'common law marriage'.

FWIW, I'm married and financially independent. I sometimes wish I hadn't married as if my marriage breaks down- even if not my 'fault'- I would be the worst hit financially so I can understand why people (mostly men as I accept the male is still usually the breadwinner) wouldn't marry- it's a leap of faith that the other person won't break their vows as much as making your own promise.

Yes. I absolutely wouldn’t have children without being married honestly. I want the security of knowing we’re both as responsible and if we were to ever get divorced I’d be provided for.

@Suprima men have plenty of role models of other men who treat women like dirt and yet there are still other women who have such low self-esteem that they will have a relationship with them.

Is a pathetic, uninformed view trotted out time after time.