To be flattered? Or is this strange?

[sleepfortheweek]

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

Did you ever agree to go on a date with any of those men? Would you have thought it a good idea?

I am 50 so did all my meeting people before the internet (and I’d never use OLD if I was single now). This really isn’t how anyone met people for relationships. I never once went out with someone who accosted me on the street, and neither did any if my friends. As I’ve said upthread - I met people through friends, at events, out with work friends for drinks, all social situations. Not random men from the street.

This is how we used to meet people, friends and lovers alike! Notice something you like about someone, strike up a conversation, take it from there.

He commented on what drew him (your fashion style), made a formal introduction, asked about overlapping interests, checked if you're available, then departed quickly and politely. All seems fine to me - unless something felt off to you?

Ah the old days, when we actually talked to each other, face to face, in daylight, whilst sober!

Exactly what I was thinking reading the post.

Even if they are harmless, a man doing this today with everything on the news recently, just either shows such a lack of awareness (of women’s concerns and spaces and a lack of self awareness of how a man doing this could be intimidating) or an awareness of it but just not giving a crap, that even if he looked like Henry Cavill I’d be giving him a wide birth.

So this creepy man saw you 'across the field' and decided he wanted a date
Can't believe you allowed & reciprocated the small talk. I would have said 'cheerio' and walked off pronto.

Careful OP. Sounds terribly creepy.

As I’ve said, I’m from the pre-internet era, and yes, people did talk to each other and strike up conversation, in social settings. Not in the street with total strangers.

If you think this tactic is anything like a bloke coming up to you in the pub in the 90s, then you should Google pick up artists and make sure you understand that it’s a script, and part of a misogynistic movement to encourage men to pick up women for sex. Especially important if you are in the market for a relationship.

Why is it more creepy to approach a stranger in broad daylight in a busy park than in a pub at night?

Read my earlier posts - I have set this out several times above.

I'm guessing there are cultural differences at play in the responses. Small rural communities, friendlier style of interacting vs. cities, less open manners.

it used to happen to me all the time too @AHungryCaterpillar , and although it might seem flattering, it's actually quite scary.

Do you know him? You must, to be making such bold assumptions! 😂

I’d find this very unsettling and I wouldn’t have allowed him to touch me. I’ve had too many men shout things at me in the street, call me names when I ignore them, follow me, and on one memorable occasion, try to drag me into a car. It seems to be the life of a woman who has the audacity to walk alone. Men feel entitled to women and their attention. Vile.

I agree, some weird responses here. Chance meetings as I go about my life during the day are how my friendships and relationships start. Much 'creepier' to approach someone in a pub or at any evening event where judgement is impaired by alcohol.

Unintended benefit of participating in this thread is that we now know who the creepy men are…

Sounds like a possible or potential distraction fraud, I assume nothing ( watch etc) was taken so maybe he was trying his luck but could not remove anything from you/your bag.

Me and my OH met in a chance encounter about 30 years ago. She approached me though.

It's a shame, and I guess a symptom of today's society, how OP says she found the encounter non threatening but lots of PPs are adding their own determination of threat to it.

I speak to strangers, I do it alot. I'm conscious of where and when I do it though as I'm aware that to some people in some situations being approached may be threatening. In a park in broad daylight would seem entirely appropriate to me though

Yes I have given my number to men on the street if I’ve found them attractive, this was how my sister met her ex who she was with for 5 years, she was driving home and she saw a man that she found attractive get out of his car and go into a coop by her house. So she parked up and went in there hoping to “bump” into him so he would ask for her number and he did! So women aren’t all delicate little flowers that need taking care of, she set the whole thing up. But yes I’ve met guys I’ve dated on the street.

I didn’t say it was flattering, in fact I use to avoid walking down my local high street as it was uncomfortable as I would get stopped by men constantly along the way. Very busy high street in S London, it was so constant that I had to walk round the back streets just to avoid it. A lot of them were quite pushy even when you said you weren’t Interested, I told one I had a boyfriend and he said “So?!”

@Swayingpalmtrees you need to get a grip. Before online dating how do you think men chatted up women? Erm, maybe face to face? He literally did nothing wrong and you’re saying he may have been after a visa or whatever it is you said😂 I’m from zone 1 London born and bred. There’s nothing naive about understanding a man politely chatting up a woman and leaving once she’s said she’s unavailable

Men feel entitled to women and their attention.

I was on a busy train platform once. Man approached me:

Him: Lovely day
Me taking out earphone: Sorry, say again?
Him: I just said it’s a lovely day
Me: Oh yep, nice weather (puts earphone in)
Him: (stood there staring at me)
Me: (awkward smile, slightly turn away)
Him: Where do you work?
Me: (pulling earphone out with a sigh) sorry?
Him: Where do you work?
Me: says city
Him: No I mean what company?
Me: I’m not telling you that sorry.
Him: Where do you work?
Me: Headphones back in, move slightly away.
Him: Alright fuck off then you ugly bitch!

Yep, some men think they are entitled to women’s time and get aggressive when we don’t comply.

@Swayingpalmtrees you need to get a grip. Before online dating how do you think men chatted up women? Erm, maybe face to face? He literally did nothing wrong and you’re saying he may have been after a visa or whatever it is you said😂 I’m from zone 1 London born and bred. There’s nothing naive about understanding a man politely chatting up a woman and leaving once she’s said she’s unavailable

Thank you!

Really, you’ve had long term relationships which arose from complete strangers walking up to you in the street, at a bus stop or in the park, and saying they found you attractive and did you want to go off with them? Really?

and man approaching a woman in the street who has headphones on, is clearly going about her business, and is not looking for social interaction.

@FloraPostePosts the OP already said her hair was down and he wouldn’t have seen she had airpods in.

For that man to interrupt the woman and demand her time for a conversation when she is not looking for it, is a creepy thing to do

So dramatic omg how did he demand her time? She could have said ‘I’m not interested’ and walked away at any time. Men approach me all the time and I’ll often ignore them and carry on walking or say ‘I’m not interested/I’ve got somewhere to be so can’t chat.’ Nothing was demanding about what he did…

It all depends on the context- I wouldn't find this exchange troubling in an open space with lots of people around, but in a more isolated spot then men have to realise that they will potentially scare women if they try to chat them up.

I chat to men all the time when walking the dog.