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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be flattered? Or is this strange?

369 replies

sleepfortheweek · 25/04/2022 23:29

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

OP posts:
pollyroo · 26/04/2022 10:00

So from across the park he decided that he wanted a date Wink I'm with pp. Vile & creepy. All seems a bit predatory as he picked you from a distance. How far is 'across the park' ? Cant believe you entertained his small talk, I would have said 'cheerio' pronto Shock

pollyroo · 26/04/2022 10:00

So from across the park he decided that he wanted a date Wink I'm with pp. Vile & creepy. All seems a bit predatory as he picked you from a distance. How far is 'across the park' ? Cant believe you entertained his small talk, I would have said 'cheerio' pronto Shock

pollyroo · 26/04/2022 10:00

So from across the park he decided that he wanted a date  I'm with pp. Vile & creepy. All seems a bit predatory as he picked you from a distance. How far is 'across the park' ? Cant believe you entertained his small talk, I would have said 'cheerio' pronto 

pollyroo · 26/04/2022 10:00

So from across the park he decided that he wanted a date  I'm with pp. Vile & creepy. All seems a bit predatory as he picked you from a distance. How far is 'across the park' ? Cant believe you entertained his small talk, I would have said 'cheerio' pronto 

FloraPostePosts · 26/04/2022 10:01

I posted this upthread but it got caught up in the eleventy billion duplicate posts, and it’s such an important message that we should be teaching our daughters that I do t want it to get lost.

There’s a clear difference between approaching someone in a shared social situation, like at a hobby, bar or pub, where there’s an expectation of chatting and meeting, and man approaching a woman in the street who has headphones on, is clearly going about her business, and is not looking for social interaction.

For that man to interrupt the woman and demand her time for a conversation when she is not looking for it, is a creepy thing to do because it says several things - 1. That he thinks her time is less valuable than his; 2. That she somehow owes him a conversation because he finds her attractive; and 3. That he doesn’t respect the boundary she has in place, which is indicated by her headphones.

It’s just the wrong context in which to try and start a conversation, one in which the man feels he has rights to a woman in a way which is disrespectful at least and harmful at worst. It is a scenario straight out of the pick up artist’s playbook.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 10:02

This was always how people used to ask each other out pre-internet,
striking up a conversation.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 10:02

This was always how people used to ask each other out pre-internet,
striking up a conversation.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:03

MurmuratingStarling · 25/04/2022 23:36

Only weird men.

Only men hoping for a quick shag, in my experience.

OP this man was in town for a work trip. He wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, he was hoping you’d agree to a drink this evening and shag him back at his hotel. I guess it is sort of flattering in that he found the idea of shagging you more appealing than the thought of trying to find a hooker, but it’s not massively flattering IME.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:03

MurmuratingStarling · 25/04/2022 23:36

Only weird men.

Only men hoping for a quick shag, in my experience.

OP this man was in town for a work trip. He wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, he was hoping you’d agree to a drink this evening and shag him back at his hotel. I guess it is sort of flattering in that he found the idea of shagging you more appealing than the thought of trying to find a hooker, but it’s not massively flattering IME.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 10:03

This is how people used to ask someone out pre-internet, striking up a conversation.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:03

MurmuratingStarling · 25/04/2022 23:36

Only weird men.

Only men hoping for a quick shag, in my experience.

OP this man was in town for a work trip. He wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, he was hoping you’d agree to a drink this evening and shag him back at his hotel. I guess it is sort of flattering in that he found the idea of shagging you more appealing than the thought of trying to find a hooker, but it’s not massively flattering IME.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 10:03

This is how people used to ask someone out pre-internet, striking up a conversation.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:04

MurmuratingStarling · 25/04/2022 23:36

Only weird men.

Only men hoping for a quick shag, in my experience.

OP this man was in town for a work trip. He wasn’t looking for a long term relationship, he was hoping you’d agree to a drink this evening and shag him back at his hotel. I guess it is sort of flattering in that he found the idea of shagging you more appealing than the thought of trying to find a hooker, but it’s not massively flattering IME.

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Changechangychange · 26/04/2022 10:09

Wow sorry about all the duplicates! I was getting a server error and the site crashing on me! They are obviously posting with a delay…

Have reported my posts

vitahelp · 26/04/2022 10:10

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 10:03

This is how people used to ask someone out pre-internet, striking up a conversation.

@MrsSkylerWhite This is exactly what I thought. Is it only ok to approach people online now?

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 10:12

TheirTheyre · 26/04/2022 09:42

How is it creepy, weird, strange, frightening etc etc?? How on earth do you think our parents and grandparents got together in life before the invention of social media? It’s a sad day when you can’t try and ask someone out. It’s not like he hung about and followed her home is it… if this is what our children are being taught then soon we will do away with conversation all together. He fancied you, he asked you if you were single, then left you alone. Nothing wrong here.

The reason I was a bit unnerved reading the OP was that you just don’t know who is the crazy guy.

I remember regretting responding to a random man after he then proceeded to get handed, follow me to a different carriage and then follow me off the train. I had to stop two other girls and pretend I knew them until he sloped off. I don’t even acknowledge other men with a smile now, extreme I know but I’d rather be thought of as rude than feel in danger again.

chesirecat99 · 26/04/2022 10:13

sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 07:39

Actually this crossed my mind. He was very direct and almost thinking of the most common ways of how to start a conversation.

PUAs work from scripts. "I like your style/fashion" is one of their classic opening gambits. "Street game", as they call it, relies on women having their guard down more than they would in a club or a bar where they are expecting men to come on to them, they are more likely to feel flattered as it is so unusual, they don't expect it to be a chat up line so they don't dismiss the guy immediately, and be more open to talking out of politeness. He was asking you what you like to do to relax so he could ask you on an "instant date".

Like a PP who watched one in Liverpool St Station, you can see packs of them in touristy parts of London, like Oxford St and Covent Garden (where they used to have weekly meet ups). Sometimes with a dating coach in tow who is filming them.

He was relying on you feeling flattered. Don't be. He was a bloke from out of town looking for a hook up. Street game is sexual harassment.

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 10:14

Jeez this site is completely unusable today!

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 10:14

Jeez this site is completely unusable today!

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 10:14

Jeez this site is completely unusable today!

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 10:14

Jeez this site is completely unusable today!