To not cut contact with my little nephew?

[Hamnetsdad]

Changed name for this as it’s identifying and don’t want it linked to my other threads.
My Db had a one night stand that resulted in a child. He didn’t know about his DS until he was 1 - but a DNA test proved he was the dad.
He saw his DS sporadically and introduced him to my mum and me and we kept in touch with nephew and his mum. Nephew is now 3 and clearly has additional needs (we suspect ASD) and db has said he just can’t bond with him. He now has a new girlfriend who is pregnant and he has asked me and my mum to cut off nephew and his mum and never see them again so that he can ‘move on’ with his life.
AIBU to not do this? I think it’s despicable to cut contact with your own child. Nephew’s mum is lovely and struggling on her own with no financial support from db. Db is worried that nephew will be able to contact him in the future because we are keeping in touch and I think he’d prefer to pretend nephew didn’t exist and move on with his new family.

Good god don't do it. Your brother is awful for abandoning his poor son, but on top of that wants you and your mum to do it as well.
Despicable, I know which one I'd prefer to have in my life. Put that little boy first and tell your brother to grow the fuck up.
I'm sorry you've been put in the middle.

I'd be more inclined to cut off contact with your brother (I appreciate your mum may feel very differently). What exactly are you getting out of that relationship?

What about when he dump the next victim and expects you to cut their progeny out of your lives as well?

Of course YANBU, your "D"B is a disgrace and it should be a warning to his new g/f too

I could never do this. Your DB sounds like a fucking dickhead -sorry OP. I know which side I'd be considering seeing less put it that way.

I can't believe what I just read! You're definitely not being unreasonable op, keep the little lad in your life, if your brother doesn't want to know that's his problem. I wonder what his new partner thinks of this, she could be in the same situation one day! Shocking! You and your mum sound lovely and caring.💐

Wow what an absolute shit your brother is, I’d be tempted to cut ties with him instead. Does his current partner know how he’s trying to wash his hands of his own child?

Absolutely YANBU. Keep contact with nephew, it's great that you've been able to build a relationship with the mum, and it sounds like she needs your support. You need to tell you DB to grow the fuck up and financially support his child.

Why isn't db financially supporting his dc? He can't be skint if he can afford another one..

Absolutely not! Your brother is so out of order. If he wants to be a dick and abandon his son so be it but I’d certainly still be seeing my nephew just like you and your mum are.

It’s wonderful you are supporting her especially if dn has special needs. Having you two as support will really be so helpful.

Does the new girlfriend know about dn? Could this be db’s way of him trying to keep him a secret from her?

Your brother sounds awful.

He can move on all he likes but he can't erase the fact he has a child. Honestly if I met a bloke who had that attitude I'd run for the hills.

I'd tell him to sod off and keep your nephew and his mom in your lives. I've a 3 year old grandchild, I couldn't imagine suddenly dropping contact just so my son didn't have to deal with him. It would break mine and my grandchild's heart!. Why does he think his feelings are more important than his sons...and you and your moms . And I'd be ripping my son a new arse about paying maintenance for his child. Gosh I'm irrationally angry for you op!

I’d disown my brother first.

Yanbu of course.

Your dh needs to grow up and accept that he has a son, who exists and isn't going anywhere for the next 15 years.

He needs to support his son financially at the very least. Whether you and your dm choose to offer nephew and his mum family support is entirely up to you.

What an utter cunt of a DB you have OP, I feel so sorry for all related to him in this situation.

Id cut contact with him tbh and maintain the contact with DN and his DM.

Db, not dh

My DM agrees and refuses to cut off nephew and his mum. Db asked me to remove nephew’s mum from Facebook and then said it was nothing to do with me and I should respect his choice to cut contact!
I would rather cut contact with him than the lovely little boy who will quite rightly want to know his father’s family when he grows up.
db’s girlfriend has been posting gushing posts on Facebook and Instagram with a personalised baby grow for their baby due in the Autumn🤔Meanwhile my poor nephew and his mum are struggling- she has little money and no respite but doesn’t want to claim CMS because I think she’s hoping db may want to visit his son more if she doesn’t. She’s a lovely person and has invited db and his girlfriend over to see nephew. He just thinks he can walk away with no consequences.

New girlfriend does know about nephew and apparently doesn’t care! My DM thinks she has encouraged db to cut contact so he can focus on his baby with her, but I think she’s making excuses for her son there.

i mean you know your brother is a turd, however I just wanted to give you my little family anecdote so you can see that it can work?
BIL same sitch, cba with child he had and fucked him off to start his ‘proper’ family with his wife. MIL and SIL have stayed in touch with child and although they don’t live close they travel to see him and speak on the phone.. he’s now a teenager. BIL MIL SIL all have a relationship (although not a fantastic one). BIL hasn’t spoken to child for 16 years.

Your brother is a nasty bastard, the child's mum should claim child maintenance and please don't cut contact, it's fucking hard parenting a kid with ASD, the more support, the better.

Fuck tour brother. I’d be providing all of the support this poor woman and your nephew needs

Your nephew, and your Mum’s grandchild. Absolutely you should stay in touch. Your db is behaving terribly, to cut out his first born because he’s an inconvenience. How awful. You and your Mum are doing the right thing. You can only hope that by modelling decent behaviour, you will influence your db to do the same eventually.

The thing is, ASD runs on our side of the family. My Dd has it. So it makes it even more appalling in my mind, that db would walk away like that. Nephew’s mum is a fantastic mother and I agree she should claim CMS. Nephew sleeps around 4 hours a night, eats no solid food and can’t speak (other than individual words). He loves counting- he can count to 1000 and in 5s. His mum is so proud of him.

He does have another son to his ex of 6 years. He loves that son and has 50/50 contact with him!

Please keep in contact and also urge her to claim CMS.

I'd urge her to claim cms also.

Your brother is an asshole!!! You and your mum keep on bring your lovely selves and be there for your nephew.