To not cut contact with my little nephew?

[Hamnetsdad]

Changed name for this as it’s identifying and don’t want it linked to my other threads.
My Db had a one night stand that resulted in a child. He didn’t know about his DS until he was 1 - but a DNA test proved he was the dad.
He saw his DS sporadically and introduced him to my mum and me and we kept in touch with nephew and his mum. Nephew is now 3 and clearly has additional needs (we suspect ASD) and db has said he just can’t bond with him. He now has a new girlfriend who is pregnant and he has asked me and my mum to cut off nephew and his mum and never see them again so that he can ‘move on’ with his life.
AIBU to not do this? I think it’s despicable to cut contact with your own child. Nephew’s mum is lovely and struggling on her own with no financial support from db. Db is worried that nephew will be able to contact him in the future because we are keeping in touch and I think he’d prefer to pretend nephew didn’t exist and move on with his new family.

She definitely needs an ehcp. She can download a model template from the Ipsea website which will take some of the stress out of it and depending on where she is in the country she might find a charity that would help her complete the DLA forms. She sounds absolutely exhausted. I’ve got two children when disabilities and it’s exhausting.

oh this exact thing happened to me. My brother wouldn't have the audacity to actually ask me, but he told my dad I should stop having contact. not on your nelly basher! 😅I haven't stopped in 18 years. It hasn't always been easy because my brother's lack of relationship with my nephew has made it difficult as well as some challenges with my nephew's mum, understandably. I am proud of the effort I have put in. My brother....I know he is hurting about many things....made the wrong call

She urgently need to claim DLA and Child maintenance.

Your brother is an arsehole and need to start using protection.

Your db needs to use a condom to stop reproducing. I’d hope his current girlfriend is worried, if she isn’t, she should be.

You brother is despicable, so utterly grim.

You and your mum absolutely should continue to be the family to your wee nephew that your brother has chosen not to be.

Wishing you both all the joy of having the wee boy in your lives ❤️

Please keep in contact and offer her some support - a little babysitting is so helpful for single parents. Your db is disgraceful

Your nephew and his mum are lucky to have you and your DM. And even more so since you have an understanding of the challenges ahead for them.

Don't even think about pacifying your DB. My 2 year old DGD has a doting DGM and auntie, and neither of us would ever feel able to walk away from her. I can't even think about it.

He's already left two children in his wake and is about to have a third with a third woman. I'm sorry, but his demand is shocking.

I'd be more likely to cut contact with a sibling who wanted to abdicate their responsibility and pretend their child didn't exist tbqh.

He’s a wonderful little boy. I will offer as much support I am can - my Dd is at a v different stage but also extremely challenging, so I do know something of what she is going through.

This .

How truly awful. Just forget he ever happened. Feel so sorry for you all - that he is your son, brother and father

What a festering shit your brother is. And yes clearly just going to keep knocking up women like a dog on heat. So he's fucking stupid as well as cruel.

Your nephew's mum has GOT to claim child support. If that's all she gets out of him it's something for her poor son, who will have to grow up knowing his dad didn't want to know because of his disability

Your brother is a fuckwit

You are doing the right thing.

Your brother is awful.
Don't cut ties with that little boy, support him and his mum as best you can. He deserves it.

My mum would be having extremely strong words if either me or my siblings carried on like this.

Children first. Always.

Also, if I was the girlfriend this would make me feel sick! I would be worried about being pregnant to him.

Also please persuade the mother to claim maintenance from your brother. Gosh this has me so upset!!!

3 kids with 3 different women, what a catch. You and your dm are absolutely doing the right thing. Your dn is your family at the end of the day, and since his dad isn't going to step up I don't blame you for being involved.

Stay in the little guy's life, your brother is heartless, throwing away a kid like garbage. You and your Mum sound like lovely people who care x

Don't let that little boy or his mum down, please OP.

Will you be allowed a relationship with the new baby if you keep in contact with the one your brother doesn't want?

I hope I will be allowed a relationship with the new baby. I can’t allow that to affect my behaviour here though. I haven’t argued with db, I’ve just said very clearly that I will not delete my nephew’s mum from Facebook and I will keep contact with her and my nephew.

He sent an angry message back, so I ignored and muted and archived the chat so I don’t have to see further messages. He was messaging my autistic 16 year old as well, telling her to cut contact. She has a strong sense of right and wrong and was absolutely outraged.

I’m guessing not hence why it’s not as easy as pp are saying to cut contact with her brother...

Jesus. Your brother is despicable. Keep the nephew, cut him off.

Definitely keep in touch with your nephew and encourage his mum to claim CSA. Your brother sounds awful.

How odd that you sound so caring and responsible and your bother sounds a completely selfish arse.

I never really get genetics/nature/nurture... it just seems weird how differently people can turn out when they are from presumably fairly identical family background experiences.

100% you are being completely reasonable and responsible to keep contact with your nephew and support his Mum as much as you can.

And 100% I'd tell your DB where to get off if he found out and made any kind of issue about it.