WWYD? Family member spoiled our night out

[eagertoplease]

I went out at the weekend with a group of family & friends to a long anticipated/awaited event that has been rearranged numerous times over the past couple of years. In the group were cousin A and cousin B (also cousins not siblings)

We had an absolutely brilliant night until part way through the event, I came back from the bar with cousin A when cousin B turned on us. Told us both to F off, screamed and pushed cousin A asking why she hadn't gone to her surprise party held last year. Turned to me and screamed "and my mum f-ing hates you as well" and that I'm fake, I just said ok as it was so random to have this screamed at my face in the middle of a huge event, I didn't know what else to say and she then threw her entire drink all over me.

I am so upset by the whole situation, cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members. We have always been close/arranged family nights out etc. We (cousin A, me and some friends) left early (cousin B stayed with the rest of the group) as I just didn't know how far cousin B would take it and I wasn't prepared to hang around to find out.

I know some people will read this and think you don't get a drink thrown over you for no reason but I genuinely have no idea what changed from us all having a great time/dancing together etc. to us returning from the bar. Cousin A sent messages to cousin B on the night but didn't receive much back except the middle finger emoji and neither of us have heard anything since.

Part of me wants to text cousin B but the other part of me thinks just cut her out and move on. WWYD? I am a people pleaser and a worrier and an overthinker and I feel sick every time a message comes through in case it is her. I hate that I am like that, I haven't told any other family members as I don't want it to cause drama but I also feel like I need to know what I did wrong and to speak to her mum who apparently hates me.

Sorry this is long I really needed to get it out, thank you if you got this far!

If there is genuinely no reason then she sounds unhinged/unwell, but that’s no reason to accept her behaviour. I’d have nothing further to do with her frankly, and just state the facts calmly to any family member who asked why. Also,don’t be pushed into forgetting it/ moving on, at least without a sincere apology and a reasonable belief she is working to change.

hope you’re ok, it sound’s upsetting

I despise people who pull this shit, usually after a drink.

You don’t need it in your life.

I am howling at this. Sounds like a riot of a night tbf.
Honestly though, don't upset yourself, if they're acting like the Clampetts, stop contact with them ...life's too short xx

I don't think I'd be forgiving and forgetting a drink thrown over me. Easier said than done but I'd just go no contact, nobody needs someone like this in their life (family or not)

It sounds like she has a drink problem, I don’t mean that she is an alcoholic, but that she loses control of her faculties after a few. I don’t think it is down to you to contact her, I would wait and let her contact you to beg for forgiveness quite frankly.

I would have to txt her and ask why. She had no right to do that and sounds awful.

how long were you at the bar? Maybe that’s what is up with her?

Hell would freeze over before I spoke to her ever again. Why on earth would you text her?! She sounds an absolute monster and I wouldn't have anyone in my life who would pull that shit. Screaming abuse and throwing drinks?! Leave her to it and live a peaceful life without dicks like that. I wouldn't even accept an apology to be honest.

It’s usually drink to blame when people pull this sort of crap. It sounds like she got drunk enough to get the hump at a perceived slight, by your cousin, and her impaired judgment suggested it would be a good time to do something about it.

I have a lot of cousins too, but I don’t socialise with them regularly despite having been brought up to be very close. Family dynamics are rarely all plain sailing - someone is always jealous of someone, people are forever falling out, making up, taking sides, changing sides - and this is the sort of thing that results.

You can love them just as well from a greater distance. I’d recommend it, from a personal point of view. Then on the rare occasions you all see each other - around Christmas is always good - everyone will be delighted to see each other, and hopefully this person will behave better.

Was Cousin B sniffing, twitching and rubbing her nose every time she emerged from the toilets, by any chance?

Genuinely baffled about what I could have done - I thought we had the special bond that cousins have where you pick up where you left off etc. I am younger than her, she'd call me her baby cousin (even though we are grown ups now!).

I think whether I text her or not, the friendship is over, I would never feel comfortable going on a night out with her again as I think now that it has happened once I would be an easy target every time.

I am questioning why she/they (her and her mum) would say I am fake as I don't think I ever have been but perhaps I try to hard to please/be liked. I thought I had a great relationship with her mum (my auntie) and hearing her say that has really knocked me.

It sounds like she preloaded on drinks at home and was quite a bit drunker than you realised. Or she had a few shots in quick succession and it can on very quickly. Someone probably said something to her that she took the wrong what and she blew up. I would either avoid socialising with her or honestly suggest to her that you're concerned for her mental health or ability to handle alcohol and you can't engage with her until she's address es that.

Cousin B needs to be blocked and deleted. I wouldn't ever have another thing to do with her. As for being a people pleaser, just stop already. Being a doormat helps no one.

Do you know what, I'd rather be thought of as "fake" that as an abusive drunk screaming at people in public. You haven't done anything wrong. Don't apologise, don't text. They can make contact. I wouldn't answer any calls but that's up to you.

Some people just can't handle their emotions when they drink.
As much as it's upset you the best course of action is to file it under batshit and put it out of your mind.
I know that's easier said than done but you won't be able to feel better with any explanations so least said soonest mended.
And dont go drinking with her again.

You don't know her mum actually said that, if she's enough of a twat to act like that over nothing she's enough of a twat to make things up.

I have a Cousin B. I eventually reached the conclusion that if she wasn't my cousin, I would give her the widest possible berth and then I realised that I'm not obliged to put up with somebody's drama and nonsense simply because our fathers were brothers. Haven't had anything to do with her for 2 years and it's been grand and quiet.

Don’t try to message her. It’s up too ok her to make the first step and an apology.

Realistically, your relationship with her is over. You can’t trust someone that volatile

At a family party I had a family member saying I was a shit mum and I neglected my kids. I’m not and I don’t, in fact they were sat together playing a game at the time. She’s basically a horrible drunk and when I spoke to her about it the next day she couldn’t remember a thing and was adamant she’d never say anything like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ You could text and ask her why she was so upset. She may not even remember

What a drunk person says on a night out should have no impact on your relationship with your aunt.
If this all happened exactly as you said, I'd call the cousin, ask if they'd sobered up and then ask what on earth that was all about. Tbh I'd have done that before I came to MN.

Absolutely do Not message her. It's for her to apologise to you. If you approach her first I guarantee she will make out she's the victim. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable. Block and ignore

It is all about boundaries, you don’t need to give her the opportunity to explain her behaviour but give it a very wide berth unless she proves she is not unhinged (Note I didn’t say until she apologised, an apology doesn’t sort her horrible behaviour and being drunk is never an excuse)

Christ she sounds unhinged. The drink throwing would be me absolutely done.

Don't contact her, never speak to her. If you're upset re the auntie comment text your auntie. If she contacts you do not engage. Keep social gatherings to you and Cousin A in future. What has she said?

Sorry you went through this. Confrontation is awful at the best of times but especially so with family.

😂😁

Block her number so you don’t feel sick when messages come in. If she wanted to sincerely apologise to you, she could find another way to contact you.

I also second that it sounds like she was on something... especially due to such a drastic change in mood.