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Original poster

WWYD? Family member spoiled our night out

144 replies

eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 13:58

I went out at the weekend with a group of family & friends to a long anticipated/awaited event that has been rearranged numerous times over the past couple of years. In the group were cousin A and cousin B (also cousins not siblings)

We had an absolutely brilliant night until part way through the event, I came back from the bar with cousin A when cousin B turned on us. Told us both to F off, screamed and pushed cousin A asking why she hadn't gone to her surprise party held last year. Turned to me and screamed "and my mum f-ing hates you as well" and that I'm fake, I just said ok as it was so random to have this screamed at my face in the middle of a huge event, I didn't know what else to say and she then threw her entire drink all over me.

I am so upset by the whole situation, cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members. We have always been close/arranged family nights out etc. We (cousin A, me and some friends) left early (cousin B stayed with the rest of the group) as I just didn't know how far cousin B would take it and I wasn't prepared to hang around to find out.

I know some people will read this and think you don't get a drink thrown over you for no reason but I genuinely have no idea what changed from us all having a great time/dancing together etc. to us returning from the bar. Cousin A sent messages to cousin B on the night but didn't receive much back except the middle finger emoji and neither of us have heard anything since.

Part of me wants to text cousin B but the other part of me thinks just cut her out and move on. WWYD? I am a people pleaser and a worrier and an overthinker and I feel sick every time a message comes through in case it is her. I hate that I am like that, I haven't told any other family members as I don't want it to cause drama but I also feel like I need to know what I did wrong and to speak to her mum who apparently hates me.

Sorry this is long I really needed to get it out, thank you if you got this far!

OP posts:
Diedre44 · 25/04/2022 17:17

Are we related OP? Sounds just like a normal night out with my ex/now NC family. Blank her. Do not give her the benefit of the doubt, she won't apologise and will not accept responsibility for her actions. Jealousy was usually the reason for my sister's outbursts, nobody else can have any attention and if the conversation isn't revolving around them then that's how they get it. You can choose your "family" contrary to what your told. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

WaspStingsAreAwful · 25/04/2022 17:17

She is jealous of you.

Rogue1001MNer · 25/04/2022 17:32

I'd also speak to your aunt. In a concerned, 'how can we sort out that you think I'm fake' way

RealBecca · 25/04/2022 17:38

Dont text her.

Block her so you arent worried about hearing from her.

Shes jealous her mum likes you.

She is a bad drunk.

It's not your fault but you say she has form...sounds like you and others brush it under the carpet thinking it wont happen to you. Now it has. If you make up with her (I wouldn't) think about how you will react when she kicks off next time and you're around. Will you ignore it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2022 17:39

CantGetDecentNickname · 25/04/2022 15:23

ImAvingOops · 25/04/2022 15:10
Why did the rest of the group let her stay but were willing to see you and cousin A leave?
There's no way I'd leave this alone. You should tell your mum. And I would text auntie and say what happened and that you are very upset because you always thought that you, she and B were close and if they had any issue with you, you really wish they'd said something and it hadn't played out as it did. Let B feel some heat from her mother for dropping her in it!
If you say and do nothing this will get brushed under the carpet and you will find yourself in social situations with her in the future. She needs to experience some consequences.

I think this is good advice along with not contacting her at all and blocking her number so you aren't worried that she will text you. If this was out of the blue like you say, then she is in the wrong and needs to apologise personally to both you and cousin A. You could accept her apology (up to you) but would be wise to go low contact after that. If you don't say anything, she will get away with both the behaviour and not having to deal with the consequences of her actions.

You say that you were left wondering what she meant by what she said and what your aunt really feels about you, but please try not to dwell on her words as you are unlikely ever to really know and it will just upset you for no good reason as it may not even be true or could be something she just shouted for the sake of it at that moment. She needs to approach you and not the other way round and not by text. If she doesn't, please don't bother with her. It is likely as a PP said, that she simply reacts this way with alcohol or that she is mixing it with medication and having a reaction, but given that you were the victim of her behaviour, this is not your problem to worry about.

I think telling your mum and contacting your aunt is good advice. As long it doesn’t come across as ‘telling tales’ as this could easily then be turned back on you.

My brother and sil act like this to me. They suddenly turn for no apparent reason. The low contact advice is good.

iklboo · 25/04/2022 17:41

I am howling at this. Sounds like a riot of a night tbf.

It's not even remotely funny. I doubt you'd be howling if it happened to you.

gamerchick · 25/04/2022 17:44

Sounds like she wanted you both to bugger off and she got her wish.

Just fuck her off. She's a knob, I wouldn't be speaking to her again in your shoes. But I'm not a people pleaser.

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 17:52

ForeverLooking · 25/04/2022 17:03

Oh god, is she one of the "I tell it like it is babez" brigade (I.e. I've given myself free rein to be a total arsehole with no repercussions). That's a red flag right there.
You say she has form so it was always going to be your turn at some point. I just couldn't be friends with someone like that. There's not one excuse for physically assaulting someone and then throwing a drink and having to be held back from assaulting them further. That's disgraceful. I highly doubt the wine made her do it if she is a bitch in real life anyway. It just emboldens people to act like they won't face any comebacks. I'm surprised she wasn't hauled out of the bar to be honest, I can't imagine the patrons were impressed. I get the feeling you will cave with any old apology (or none) just to keep the peace with your family and she will keep ruling the roost. I hope you don't!

Show quote history

No I don’t think I will cave, the no contact option is becoming more appealing and I think I can stick to it as I would feel too on edge around her, especially if alcohol is involved. This will rear its head every time drink is involved if we continue a friendship.

OP posts:
balalake · 25/04/2022 17:54

No contact seems the best option. Anyone else in your family if they are worth valuing will understand.

You can be a people pleaser to anyone else but have one exception.

Iamnotamermaid · 25/04/2022 17:56

I would say cousin B had had way too much to drink (and maybe something else) but has perhaps been stewing on something for quite some time. But that was no way to behave and no way should you contact her. Her behaviour was completely in the wrong and unless she apologies and offers some form of explanation have nothing more to do with her.

Like they say, you can choose your friends but not your family. 🙄

Anewdaydawns · 25/04/2022 17:57

First of all, don't let what she said about your aunt play on your mind - you don't know if it's true, and people with a weak argument often add someone else to bolster their position. What happened must have been upsetting for you, coming out of the blue like that, but I wouldn't contact her about it. Other people will have witnessed what she did, and the more rational ones will tell her she was out of order to behave like that no matter what she thinks of you. I would speak to your aunt about it though - her daughter included her in the madness, so there's no reason why she shouldn't know what happened. Making that call would give you a chance to let her know how shocked you were as you'd always got on so well, and she can take it from there if she chooses, but don't ask her to intervene.

Once you've done that, try to put what your cousin did to the back of your mind. Don't get dragged into talking about her behind her back, as that could cause more trouble - if anyone asks you if you've heard from her, just say no and change the subject. When you next see her, let her come to you first with an apology and ignore her until she does. She'll only learn to behave better when people make it clear that she's crossed the line and they're not willing to put up with it.

DuesToTheDirt · 25/04/2022 17:57

cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members

Well there you go, she's a nasty person and it was your turn to be on the receiving end. Ditch her.

Octomore · 25/04/2022 18:14

Gingernaut · 25/04/2022 16:35

I am so upset by the whole situation, cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members

So Cousin B has kicked off screaming at other gatherings/nights out and what?

You stood back and enjoyed the spectacle?

Took bets?

Cousin B is a drunken, violent liability and you shouldn't have invited her after the first time, regardless of who she attacked.

Don't invite her again.

I agree with this.

This didn't come out of the blue at all. She's a bully who has been doing this sort of thing for years, and you were happy to turn a blind eye provided the victim was someone else.

Now it's your turn, and some of the people in the group (the ones who stayed at the event with her) did exactly what you usually do and turned a blind eye.

Why this was a surprise to you, I don't know. But maybe it's a good idea to learn from it - don't turn a blind eye when your friends/family treat people like shit in future.

Block and ignore, there's no point trying to salvage a relationship with a bully.

Octomore · 25/04/2022 18:15

Gingernaut · 25/04/2022 16:35

I am so upset by the whole situation, cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members

So Cousin B has kicked off screaming at other gatherings/nights out and what?

You stood back and enjoyed the spectacle?

Took bets?

Cousin B is a drunken, violent liability and you shouldn't have invited her after the first time, regardless of who she attacked.

Don't invite her again.

I agree with this.

This didn't come out of the blue at all. She's a bully who has been doing this sort of thing for years, and you were happy to turn a blind eye provided the victim was someone else.

Now it's your turn, and some of the people in the group (the ones who stayed at the event with her) did exactly what you usually do and turned a blind eye.

Why this was a surprise to you, I don't know. But maybe it's a good idea to learn from it - don't turn a blind eye when your friends/family treat people like shit in future.

Block and ignore, there's no point trying to salvage a relationship with a bully.

Octomore · 25/04/2022 18:16

Sorry - phone double posted!

jytdtysrht · 25/04/2022 18:17

why havent you told other family members? Why are you keeping the secret that cousin B is a monster?

id cut contact with B anyway.

and stop being a people pleaser

SunshiningBoo · 25/04/2022 18:19

This sounds awful OP. Shouting at you then throwing a drink over you!!! Shock I don't think I could speak to her again after that.

Echobelly · 25/04/2022 18:20

I used to get really upset if someone did something like this (not that it happened often) then I realised I shouldn't care about the opinions of people who are like that to others. Maybe they hate my guts, whatever - I'd never be like that with anyone, some people are just shitty people whose opinion or company is not worth having.

Changechangychange · 25/04/2022 18:34

KarenOLantern · 25/04/2022 16:08

I don't agree with people who think you should cut a beloved family member out of your life forever just because they behaved badly once.

Doesn’t sound like it’s the once, and she’s not apologised so doesn’t sound like she is sorry about it.

What is OP meant to do, keep on socialising and just hope Cousin Drunkard doesn’t lamp her next time? I don’t hang out with people who might randomly throw a drink over me at any moment, beloved or not.

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 19:00

TheFormidableMrsC · 25/04/2022 16:21

I know somebody who gets violent and aggressive for no reason when she drinks wine. No other alcohol affects her the same way. Could it be something like that?

That said, she'd be fucked off out of my life forever for behaving like that and soaking me in drink. Vile. She needs to apologise to everybody there, not just you two. As she stayed behind, has no other member of the party come forward to shed light?

Cousin A spoke to one of AB’s friends briefly the day after. The friend said she had no idea what had caused B to act like this and couldn’t get much out of her on the way home as she was so drunk. A got the impression the friend didn’t want to say too much/get involved.

B has posted up photos of the “great night” had, it looks like we didn’t go. It’s a very good example of how fake social media can be!

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 25/04/2022 19:00

I wouldn't have anything to do with her again. I;ve got a zero tolerance approach to violence and to me throwing a drink over someone is a violent and aggressive act. I don't give abusers a second chance to hurt me.
I would block her so you are not sitting worried she might text.
I might also speak to your Auntand ask if there is some sort of problem because Cousin B said she hates you. Aunt will either be horrified or embarrassed and have to explain herself. Either way you will at least know where you stand with them. (My gut feeling is your Aunt never said anything of the kind).
If cousin was to come crawling back to you, I would tell her you will no longer be attending any events with her, and if she wants to have any kind of civil relationship she needs to get help with her drink/drug problem. If she won't then she's a liability and you don't want to be around her.
Next time she might throw a punch as well as a drink.

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 19:23

jytdtysrht · 25/04/2022 18:17

why havent you told other family members? Why are you keeping the secret that cousin B is a monster?

id cut contact with B anyway.

and stop being a people pleaser

I am torn, part of me wants to speak to my auntie, I feel angry with her about something she may or may not have said. I understand how unfair that is on her. I’m also worried about causing a family drama, my mum is very fond of cousin B and it will upset her to know she has upset me plus I want to be in control of if/when I speak to my auntie and I don’t think my mum would hold her tongue. Though cousin B could mention it to my auntie before I do, with her own spin on it. I don’t want to look as though I am telling tales to our mums either.

OP posts:
Octomore · 25/04/2022 20:19

Just detach yourself from the drama. No good can come of getting embroiled in a mudslinging war with this woman. Block and ignore.

If your aunt asks why, tell her, but don't rush to go telling tales without prompting, as it'll be the messenger (you) that gets shot rather than your cousin. You'll be the bad guy despite the fact that everyone (including you) has known all along that your cousin is a bully.

Gingernaut · 25/04/2022 22:13

B has posted up photos of the “great night” had, it looks like we didn’t go

Cousin B has re-written history already and will not hear you when you describe your version of events.

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2022 23:23

I think she sounds like the family Drama Llama. Yes, drink is an issue, but she also gets a power hit from this behaviour and nobody calls her on it. People are obviously too frightened to confront her because she’s volatile. I bet if you were to speak to your auntie, you’d get a wushu-washy, “Oh, you know what she’s like…..” and nobody would even try talking to her. Start organizing things and excluding her. See if other victims of her bullshit will follow suit. Be a leader here.