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Original poster

WWYD? Family member spoiled our night out

144 replies

eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 13:58

I went out at the weekend with a group of family & friends to a long anticipated/awaited event that has been rearranged numerous times over the past couple of years. In the group were cousin A and cousin B (also cousins not siblings)

We had an absolutely brilliant night until part way through the event, I came back from the bar with cousin A when cousin B turned on us. Told us both to F off, screamed and pushed cousin A asking why she hadn't gone to her surprise party held last year. Turned to me and screamed "and my mum f-ing hates you as well" and that I'm fake, I just said ok as it was so random to have this screamed at my face in the middle of a huge event, I didn't know what else to say and she then threw her entire drink all over me.

I am so upset by the whole situation, cousin B has got form for this but never directed towards me or other family members. We have always been close/arranged family nights out etc. We (cousin A, me and some friends) left early (cousin B stayed with the rest of the group) as I just didn't know how far cousin B would take it and I wasn't prepared to hang around to find out.

I know some people will read this and think you don't get a drink thrown over you for no reason but I genuinely have no idea what changed from us all having a great time/dancing together etc. to us returning from the bar. Cousin A sent messages to cousin B on the night but didn't receive much back except the middle finger emoji and neither of us have heard anything since.

Part of me wants to text cousin B but the other part of me thinks just cut her out and move on. WWYD? I am a people pleaser and a worrier and an overthinker and I feel sick every time a message comes through in case it is her. I hate that I am like that, I haven't told any other family members as I don't want it to cause drama but I also feel like I need to know what I did wrong and to speak to her mum who apparently hates me.

Sorry this is long I really needed to get it out, thank you if you got this far!

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 25/04/2022 14:51

I certainly wouldn’t reach out to her first.

I’d keep my distance, forgive if a genuine apology and explanation came my way but otherwise, regardless I wouldn’t be anything more than civil at family events you both happen to attend from now on.

Rondvassbu · 25/04/2022 14:52

She had one drink too many and lost complete control of her emotions and what she was saying. Some small slight of some kind set her off and all sorts of stuff came out. I doubt your aunty hates you and thinks you are fake. Possibly cousin is a bit jealous of your relationship with her mum for some reason and this turned into a major incident because she'd had too much to drink.
Or it's possible she might have some kind for her to alter her mood so fast.

I wouldn't be making an effort to contact her to be honest.

tkwal · 25/04/2022 14:53

There's always one. Someone who can't bear it if the whole event doesn't revolve around them. Someone who needs their fix of drama. Someone who holds grudges and uses alcohol as an excuse for airing them. Maybe she saw you and cousin A being at the bar together as a slight against her. I wouldn't pay too much attention to her claims that her mum dislikes you...this may have been based on a throwaway comment her mum made years ago , I certainly wouldn't go rushing around demanding to know "what her problem is with you. Leave that sort of behaviour to cousin B. I would definitely be cool with her if you can't avoid meeting up but I wouldn't miss out on any further family events due to her melodrama.

nearlyspringyay · 25/04/2022 14:54

If she was really drunk does she even remember what she did? I certainly wouldn't be 'reaching out'. wait for an apology or just give a very wide berth in future. Don't get others dragged into it.

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 14:54

ButterflyBitch · 25/04/2022 14:27

At a family party I had a family member saying I was a shit mum and I neglected my kids. I’m not and I don’t, in fact they were sat together playing a game at the time. She’s basically a horrible drunk and when I spoke to her about it the next day she couldn’t remember a thing and was adamant she’d never say anything like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ You could text and ask her why she was so upset. She may not even remember

I know she has been in similar situations before and has said although she knew something had gone on she couldn't remember the detail. Not hearing from her after a night out is unusual as we'd compare hangovers and generally chat about having a good time normally. I don't know if she is carrying on the argument or embarrassed of her behaviour, I know her well enough to know she doesn't like to admit she is wrong - who does?!

OP posts:
IAmAWomanNotACis · 25/04/2022 14:58

Set yourself a time limit, and if she doesn't get in touch to apologise within that time limit block her number and get on with life. It's too short.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 25/04/2022 15:02

Speak to your auntie since your cousin has brought her into this too. I get where you're coming from OP, I would want to know what I could possibly have done to deserve being treated like that.

StrangeCondition · 25/04/2022 15:03

oompapa · 25/04/2022 14:07

I am howling at this. Sounds like a riot of a night tbf.
Honestly though, don't upset yourself, if they're acting like the Clampetts, stop contact with them ...life's too short xx

Howling at it? Really? You sound as bad as the cousin

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 15:03

eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 14:54

I know she has been in similar situations before and has said although she knew something had gone on she couldn't remember the detail. Not hearing from her after a night out is unusual as we'd compare hangovers and generally chat about having a good time normally. I don't know if she is carrying on the argument or embarrassed of her behaviour, I know her well enough to know she doesn't like to admit she is wrong - who does?!

Show quote history

Just re-read this, "carrying on the argument" isn't the correct phrase. There wasn't an argument just the confrontation/drink throwing. What I should have said is I don't know if she has a reason to be upset with me and that's why she isn't texting because she is cross or she is embarrassed. I was tipsy but not drunk and being drenched sobered me up really quickly so I feel I have a good recall of the night.

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/04/2022 15:07

She has form for this. It was inevitable that you´d be a target eventually.
Just keep your distance.
She owes you a huge apology and she knows how to reach you.

Rosehugger · 25/04/2022 15:08

I would ring my auntie and talk to her about it.

ForeverLooking · 25/04/2022 15:09

eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 14:54

I know she has been in similar situations before and has said although she knew something had gone on she couldn't remember the detail. Not hearing from her after a night out is unusual as we'd compare hangovers and generally chat about having a good time normally. I don't know if she is carrying on the argument or embarrassed of her behaviour, I know her well enough to know she doesn't like to admit she is wrong - who does?!

Show quote history

The thing with behaving like that is that one day she will pick on the wrong person who won't give a shit if she's drunk and doesn't know what she's saying.
I had a friend in my early twenties who was like that. She was an awful drunk who would say terrible things to both friends and strangers, totally obnoxious, would throw things, lash out, start a row for no reason. One day she picked on a girl in town and got absolutely beaten to a pulp. We are talking double black eyes, one tooth out, hair ripped out, kicked in the stomach -enough for a hospital visit. There's always one person who won't take the shit and is bigger and nastier. If this is what alcohol does to her then she needs to rein it in or quit for her own sake and others. Don't you dare go and pander to her "I don't remember" speech and pretend its all ok. It's really not.

ImAvingOops · 25/04/2022 15:10

Why did the rest of the group let her stay but were willing to see you and cousin A leave?
There's no way I'd leave this alone. You should tell your mum. And I would text auntie and say what happened and that you are very upset because you always thought that you, she and B were close and if they had any issue with you, you really wish they'd said something and it hadn't played out as it did. Let B feel some heat from her mother for dropping her in it!
If you say and do nothing this will get brushed under the carpet and you will find yourself in social situations with her in the future. She needs to experience some consequences.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 25/04/2022 15:11

Agree with others, sounds like drink.
I wouldn't contact her. I also wouldn't beleive what she said about your aunt. Sounds like the sort of thing a 12 year old would say.
I'd leave it a fortnight then speak to your aunt directly. But I agree with you, I wouldn't be comfortable going out again. Fwiw my brother and sister had a huge shrieking row in front of my parents in law and extended family. Both drunk, both unrepentant. Both seemed keen on telling me how they were in the right for months afterwards. I really have never forgiven either of them for it.

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2022 15:11

I’d be tempted to send her the number to Alcoholics Anonymous. Tell her to get her arse to some meetings before she’s isololated herself from everyone.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 25/04/2022 15:15

Until she’s ready with a grovelling apology and a very good reason for that behaviour I wouldn’t be having anything to do with her. Don’t contact her again, don’t feed this drama and block her.

Nickwinkle · 25/04/2022 15:16

Told us both to F off, screamed and pushed cousin A asking why she hadn't gone to her surprise party held last year

Sorry if this has already been asked, I'll admit I've not read all the comments. Was there a surprise party thrown for cousin A that she was excluded from? Is it that she only found out about it whilst you were away so went off in a rage as soon as you got back?

If she knew about it before then it sounds a little weird that she'd only bring it up now...

toastedcat · 25/04/2022 15:21

This is definitely a cousin B problem and not a you problem from the sound of it!

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 15:22

ImAvingOops · 25/04/2022 15:10

Why did the rest of the group let her stay but were willing to see you and cousin A leave?
There's no way I'd leave this alone. You should tell your mum. And I would text auntie and say what happened and that you are very upset because you always thought that you, she and B were close and if they had any issue with you, you really wish they'd said something and it hadn't played out as it did. Let B feel some heat from her mother for dropping her in it!
If you say and do nothing this will get brushed under the carpet and you will find yourself in social situations with her in the future. She needs to experience some consequences.

The group was a mixture of her friends and my friends. She threw the drink and they either pulled her away or she went over to them. I didn't hang around long enough to hear their opinion. Whilst B was screaming at A, B's friend said to me that she did not know what is wrong with her, we couldn't finish that conversation before she started on me.

OP posts:
CantGetDecentNickname · 25/04/2022 15:23

ImAvingOops · 25/04/2022 15:10
Why did the rest of the group let her stay but were willing to see you and cousin A leave?
There's no way I'd leave this alone. You should tell your mum. And I would text auntie and say what happened and that you are very upset because you always thought that you, she and B were close and if they had any issue with you, you really wish they'd said something and it hadn't played out as it did. Let B feel some heat from her mother for dropping her in it!
If you say and do nothing this will get brushed under the carpet and you will find yourself in social situations with her in the future. She needs to experience some consequences.

I think this is good advice along with not contacting her at all and blocking her number so you aren't worried that she will text you. If this was out of the blue like you say, then she is in the wrong and needs to apologise personally to both you and cousin A. You could accept her apology (up to you) but would be wise to go low contact after that. If you don't say anything, she will get away with both the behaviour and not having to deal with the consequences of her actions.

You say that you were left wondering what she meant by what she said and what your aunt really feels about you, but please try not to dwell on her words as you are unlikely ever to really know and it will just upset you for no good reason as it may not even be true or could be something she just shouted for the sake of it at that moment. She needs to approach you and not the other way round and not by text. If she doesn't, please don't bother with her. It is likely as a PP said, that she simply reacts this way with alcohol or that she is mixing it with medication and having a reaction, but given that you were the victim of her behaviour, this is not your problem to worry about.

Original poster
eagertoplease · 25/04/2022 15:25

Nickwinkle · 25/04/2022 15:16

Told us both to F off, screamed and pushed cousin A asking why she hadn't gone to her surprise party held last year

Sorry if this has already been asked, I'll admit I've not read all the comments. Was there a surprise party thrown for cousin A that she was excluded from? Is it that she only found out about it whilst you were away so went off in a rage as soon as you got back?

If she knew about it before then it sounds a little weird that she'd only bring it up now...

Ah no sorry, badly worded! A surprise party was held for B that A couldn't attend due to childcare issues.

OP posts:
MarshmallowSwede · 25/04/2022 15:28

Your cousin is a drunken mess. Who cares why she or her mother say what they say. Who wants to be around someone who can’t have the common decency to not cause a scene. someone who drinks and always causes a fight is no one you want to be around.

Hallmark1234 · 25/04/2022 15:30

Find you anger OP. It's absolutely not ok for her to throw her drink over you, then carry on the night, as if nothing happened.

Ask her for an explanation of why she did it and tell her not to pull a stunt like that again!

Useranon1 · 25/04/2022 15:32

Why not ask your aunt?

Alwayspaintyournails · 25/04/2022 15:33

I would call my aunt and ask if she has any idea where all this has came from.

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