To not know what to do?

[QuestionableMouse]

Have a MA graduation ceremony coming up. It finishes at 2:15. I usually do school pick ups for my sister which are at 2:35. The uni campus is over an hour away so no chance of being back in time. My sister has just started a new job and can't take time off (it's a very full on role and she's currently training, with no chance to make up the day if she misses it.) Her ex-partner has flat out refused to take any time off. (he's a huge knob in multiple ways!)

No grandparents on their dad's side. My mum and dad are attending with me. (I'm the first person in my family to graduate, let alone do a MA so it's very important to them.)

There's no after school club and the school have been unhelpful. No other family who can help (one auntie who is childless and wouldn't cope with two kids, the other has just had a hip op). Looking at childminders but they're all horribly expensive and tbh none of us can really afford the cost.

The best solution I can come up with is to take them with me to the ceremony. They're great kids (4 & 6) and I trust them to behave but I'm not sure if they'll be allowed in? Have emailed the uni but no response yet! What the hell do I do?

Also your sister uses MN according to your recent post, including logging in as you, so she's likely to see this. I don't think this is a real situation at all I'm afraid to say.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4531571-Thread-vanished

if I don't do it, no one else will

So if (god forbid) you fell under a bus, what would they do then?

It seems pretty clear that the reason they find reasons they "can't" do something is that they know you'll do it instead, so the obvious answer is to stop

I would add that no University I know would welcome such young children to a graduation ceremony.
Not true. However, the issue will be around capacity. Usually people are restricted to two tickets but it is worth asking.

I'd phone them though because they might not be checking the inbox regularly if its graduation week.

I think you need to stop trying to solve this. Let everyone know that you will be attending your graduation ceremony, give tickets to your parents and then let everyone decide between themselves what to do. This isn't your problem unless you make it your problem.

Your sister needs to step up and make her own arrangements, whether that's asking for an advance from her new employer to pay for childcare, begging her aunt to do it just this once, or persuading one of your parents to stay home.

This just isn't your problem, and it's so jarring to hear about you vetting potential childcare for children who don't even belong to you. What happens if your hours change or you're unwell or you move house? You can't be beholden to someone else's school pickup time for the next ten years!

You phone your sister and tell her that you are unable to pick her children up from school that day. Thats all you have to do. They are her problem. End of . I hope you have a wonderful day.
( There may be a class whatap she could ask for help on but thats down to her not you)

Well I hope you made it clear that you won’t be picking their children up on that day.

I think you won’t hear anything as they know you will run around doing their work for you if they don’t do anything

People like this need a shock.

Your sister must really not like you very much if this is how she treats you and it comes across as though she doesn’t think much of her children either if she can’t even pay £30-40 for a one off childminder.

That is just disrespectful to both you and the children.

People pay those “eye watering amounts” daily

Oh. I just remembered who this OP is. 🙄

You should explain to your sister and her ex that the ''great kids (4 & 6)'' are THEIR responsibility and no one else's and THEY must step up to collect THEIR children or make another arrangement, THEMSELVES. You have told them you can't do it on a certain day. THEY must deal with that. I do not think you can actually go around arranging unknown people to the parents taking on your roll of collecting and minding the children anyway.

Never mind that your sister has her hands full with her new job. Her CHILDREN are waaaay more important.
Please don't jeopardize your once in a lifetime moment with your parents. Just say that she must sort it out herself, however she does it and do not feel any guilt. She's not thinking of you, it's all about her, not even HER CHILDREN.

Has your Aunt got any kids (your cousin's) who could help? Or even the children's dad's siblings (kids other Aunts/uncles) friends of your mum and dad? Maybe even an Au pair Inthe area who has a day off?

Always keep in mind that if you don´t collect the children, it´s not you that the school or social services will call. It´s their parents.
Remind your sister of that. You´ve been doing her a favour. A huge favour.

I know some people are saying
not - it may have changed recently or depend on the university - but I’m pretty sure my graduations had a rule of no children under a certain age (I think 10 - not quite sure
but 4 and 6 would definitely have been too young).

Congratulations! There will be photos after graduation with family. Do not miss this. Probably you would go for a drink too. We all went for fish and chips together. More phots. Please, please, don’t miss this for you or your mum and dad. Well done on your degree.

Not sure what you are looking for here. Nobody can give you any solution and you keep saying childcare is unaffordable. We’re not talking about hundreds of pounds, I’m sure between 4 working adults you can come up with 40 odd quid for someone to watch the kids for a couple of hours?

My university allows children of all ages. Under 2's don't need a ticket.
My 7 year old attended DHs graduation last month with no issues. I think most universities let children attend now.
The issues is often capacity not the age of the visitors.

What do you mean by that, please?

@QuestionableMouse OP havent RTFT so sorry if it’s already been suggested but a lot of unis stream the graduation ceremony live so maybe worst case scenario one of your parents watches it live at home with the children. It’s almost as good as the real thing and then maybe they could film it off the computer etc as well

Does your sister have any friends? We don't have any family where we live, so we have friends as our emergency contacts for the school and they'd come and pick the kids up for a couple of hours in a situation like this if we asked - have you or your sister asked your friends, if family isn't an option?

Sounds like the kids are lucky to have you in their lives, especially given how detached their actual parents seem to be. I hope you find a way for your parents to come to your graduation - congratulations on your MA!

I know I’m missing the point slightly but how is the children attending with you a solution? They don’t finish school until after the ceremony finishes?

With all due respect (and echoing what everyone is saying) this isn't your problem is it? What would happen if you were too I'll to pick up or you got run over by a bus?

Saying they're not bothering to find a solution is fairly lame - TELL them you won't be there - it's THEIR problem to solve.

Who is looking after your children that day? Can they watch the others?

@QuestionableMouse
This really isn't your problem its your sister and her husbands problem to solve.
for 1 day could a friend not help out or pay a babysitter or failing that 1 of the children parents take responsibility ;

What do you mean by that, please?

I’m assuming it’s in relation to your numerous posts about your family, or just the fact there is so much drama in your life.

Why is it for you to sort out the childcare when they aren't your children? Your sister would have to make other arrangements if you had a medical appointment or something else come up that you couldn't change, and this is no different as long as you've given her plenty of notice (at least a couple of weeks). I definitely wouldn't be asking to take the children with you to your graduation. Even if there's space for them (there might not be), children can behave very differently in strange surroundings. No, it's your day and your parents want to enjoy it with you, so remind your sister that you won't be available that day and tell her that she'll have to sort something out. That might mean her having to approach her boss again, ask a neighbour/friend or a classmate's family to help out or have another talk with their father - how she does it isn't your concern.

Put a message on your local fb page asking for dbs registered babysitters and see if anyone is available. I hope you find someone