AIBU to disbelieve posters who say they're ugly but their DH is very attractive?

[PeaceLurking9to5]

Yes, a thread about a thread so sorry about that, but not one intended to make any poster who feels bad about her looks feel worse, the total opposite.
When I read this statement fairly regularly I think no no no no no, you have elevated him and relegated yourself. He's not as good looking to the rest of the world as he is to you, and you're not as unattractive as you think you are, you're just running yourself down.

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

Me neither, I'm 31 and I've never been attracted to men in their 40s and 50s! When men that age flirted with me in my 20s I just looked at them as sad old men.

Yes I can’t say men in their 50s had any kind of appeal when I was younger

I agree it is rare to see a good looking man with a lesser attractive female partner.

in fact, I was watching a TV show earlier in which the couple at the centre of the show got this bill and I kept examining their interactions for signs of loyalty between them. She was very plain and he was v good looking and in excellent physical shape. And I think they were v much in love and had what appeared to be a v healthy relationship.

Very refreshing to see.

Trust me when I say my nearly 60yo DH would be quite a catch apart from the snoring whereas I'd be a menopausal 50yo fucking butt ugly fat liability I really mean it.

Sorry, but in what universe are young women gagging for 51 year old Dave from Accounts or 53 year old Tim who works in the local butchers?
Well, I never said gagging - in general, I very rarely see people of any age and attractiveness level who have potential partners gagging to be with them.

I know quite a few (attractive) men who fit your description who have much younger partners. I think this is what usually meant by "my husband is much more attractive than me". Not that he outranks his wife on some objective age-adjusted scale, but that he could easily upgrade to a much younger / more attractive woman (by "upgrade", I mean a very shallow definition of appearance only, of course).

Well I am very attractive - not as attractive as I used to be but aging + kids = sometimes looks knackered, it as much time for grooming. My husband is still attractive, as he was when I met him.

Very true. I used to way hotter than DH who was often ribbed by his mates that he was punching above his weight. I reckon its evened out now I'm in my forties!

I know quite a few (attractive) men who fit your description who have much younger partners. I think this is what usually meant by "my husband is much more attractive than me". Not that he outranks his wife on some objective age-adjusted scale, but that he could easily upgrade to a much younger / more attractive woman (by "upgrade", I mean a very shallow definition of appearance only, of course).

You know lots of shop assistants and admin workers in their 40s and 50s who have much younger partners?

Really?

Everyone on MN seems to know 'lots' of older men who have hot young women after them, but statistically, this is very rare. The majority of men and women are in relationships with people within a fairly close age range.

The idea that most middle aged blokes "could easily upgrade to a much younger / more attractive woman" isn't borne out by reality.

I'm the better looking one out of us. My DH makes up for it in other ways though! He's also getting better looking with age and is very fit. I have a baby face but I'm not active. So who knows how it might swing! Looks aren't very important to me though - I get told I'm mad for fancying Louis Theroux 😳

I've always been attracted to men who aren't crazily good looking though. I think they intimidate me lol and the thought of getting naked in front of an absolute Greek god type gives me the fear. My insecurities probably! 😳

Strangely enough, she thinks both me and my other sister find him attractive and any other women that reside on planet earth. We both don’t fancy him. I met the guy when I was 10 years old and I was 11 when she accused him of sleeping with me……
Shes a whole load of crazy. I’m glad I haven’t seen either of them in 20 years.

To be very honest these men of 40/50 with girlfriends in their 20s either have money and/or power. The 20-somethings aren't chasing after Paul from the Co-Op earning £9.58 an hour. I can assure you.

I also think the idea that young women are chasing middle aged men (money or not) is complete bollocks.

Interesting discussion. When I was 24/25 and pretty hot I had a fling with my colleague 20 years my senior. It was more of an emotional affair/ lots of snogging (didn't sleep together). I adored him and would have probably faced family and employer disapproval and shock from colleagues and friends if he'd have given it the green light. It was his intellect, humour and wisdom that was really attractive. He was a gentleman and knew we needed/ wanted different things, so it had to fade.

We're still friends 25 years later. I still adore all the things above and understand why I felt the way I did. I had a pretty wild time in my 20s then got married and had kids, so he was indeed correct.

Me too. No woman I know under 30 would be attracted to a man 40-45+

Like @Waxonwaxoff0 whenever I got hit on by 40 and 50-something men when I was in my 20s I used to laugh at them behind their back, because they were utterly deluded to think I would be interested.

Even fairly handsome, rich, Hollywood star Leo DiCaprio (aged 48) looks utterly ludicrous with his 24 year old girlfriend. They were pictured on the beach the other week, and he looked like her dad. They looked so ridiculously mismatched that it was laughable.

@Puffalicious

Interesting discussion. When I was 24/25 and pretty hot I had a fling with my colleague 20 years my senior.

Ewwwww. 😩 He was old enough to be your dad! Why, just why?! 😬 I bet he was married too.

I’ve been thinking about this thread all afternoon and considered everyone I know colleagues, neighbours, family and I don’t know any couple where the Husband is breathtakingly handsome and the Wife plain.All the couples are just average looking people and I’d say they would match on an attractiveness scale.

It was his intellect, humour and wisdom that was really attractive.

I wonder if you'd still be so impressed by his 'intellect, humour and wisdom' now that you're about the same age he was then?

I don't really agree with this. I think in general partners tend to score about the same as each other so both 10 out of 10s or both sixes etc, but I don't think the score is totally dependent on looks. I think other things come into play, e.g. niceness, ability to earn money, generosity etc. My DH is objectively better looking than me, but he is inflexible and tense in his personality. He is cleverer, but he is a faffer. I am less attractive, but am a better listener. I am less clever, but more dynamic, so I earn at least as much as him etc. In all I guess we are both about 7/10!

Well, my ex-husband was strikingly handsome. Everyone commented on it (even my then female boss). He really had model looks and used to model part-time. Mind you, his looks were his only redeeming quality and he was a total idiot, but he was objectively very handsome. He was tall, athletic with dark hair and very striking big grey/green eyes.

I, on the other hand, am not good-looking at all. When I was younger I was ok at best, but certainly nothing compared to his usual girlfriends. He liked me for my brains allegedly. Anyway, he was no prize as a husband. Once I got to know him better, I wasn't jealous of other women at all - as far as I was concerned they were welcome to him 😂

I work in tech with men earning six figures and believe me, they're not fighting off the hordes of 20-somethings either. A 39-year-old colleague told me (drunkenly) at a work do that he hasn't had sex in four years and barely ever gets a match on the apps. There's so much delusion around.

Yes, I agree. Having money makes it easier for an older man to find a much younger woman, but it's by no means automatic. Attractive young women aren't necessarily going to go for a man in his 40s or 40s simply because he's got a good job in a bank. If he were a multi millionaire with a private jet? Maybe. But such men are few and far between.

Defo more common to see a less attractive man with a better looking woman. Maybe because it's more common for men to be in positions of relative power/wealth and also because women seem to prioritise status in a partner over looks as men seem to (according to studies).

Although a slightly chubby but attractive woman will generally be viewed as better looking than a handsome but podgy man, because 'voluptuous' is not generally a feature we look for in men.

Yeah this. ^^ That poster was probably very immature in her 20s and saw this dude as a 'mature wise owl' and he very likely took advantage of the infatuation she had with him. I have a suspicion why she was infatuated with him, but won't say on here.