AIBU to disbelieve posters who say they're ugly but their DH is very attractive?

[PeaceLurking9to5]

Yes, a thread about a thread so sorry about that, but not one intended to make any poster who feels bad about her looks feel worse, the total opposite.
When I read this statement fairly regularly I think no no no no no, you have elevated him and relegated yourself. He's not as good looking to the rest of the world as he is to you, and you're not as unattractive as you think you are, you're just running yourself down.

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

AGAIN with the denigrating. Just stop! And why is every women who is (allegedly) unattractive always fat, (and nearly always short and round?)

It's getting so tiresome and predictable now.

Most people who self denigrate like that do it to get responses saying no you arent, I am sure you are very pretty. It is just a way to get compliments.

In real life, or photo-based social media, perhaps some might be fishing for compliments, but what on earth would be the point on a site like Mumsnet? Someone saying 'I'm sure you are very pretty' is utterly meaningless when you know they have no idea what you look like.

The couples I know that this applies to, the woman always has a good job and income as well as being a nice person. In the past it was less common for the woman to outearn her husband, but this has changed.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I agree with you.

I say that as someone who is guilty of doing exactly what you describe too. I imagine myself to be unattractive and have generally elevated my husband.

Doesn’t help that he thinks he’s totally gorgeous. 🙄

Truth is (probably) that we’re both pretty ordinary looking. And that’s ok. Most people are. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband is head turningly beautiful and I am objectively ugly. I had an accident and had to have my nose stitched back onto my face 15 years ago and have other resulting ugly facial scars as well. I do get looked at.
My DH doesn't seem to notice and remembers me as I was. I am post menopause as well and have gone fat and grey in the space of two years. He is much younger than me and looks much younger than he is.

Maybe for the younger women going after the less attractive older men, it’s a self-esteem /safety thing?
When I was younger I used to flirt more with older men because I was fairly sure they would respond positively (they would consider it a compliment) but also I was equally sure they wouldn’t take it too seriously / pursue me, because with the age gap it was obviously a non-starter.
It felt like a safer way of having an experimental flirt than with men my own age.

(sorry I meant to quote the posts about 20 -somethings flirting with a married 40-something)

I think young women these days genuinely don't seek "provider" types as much as the previous generations, and can afford to be with whoever they are attracted to, young or old. Which is a good thing, in my book.

I’m 30 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not saying you’re lying I just find it quite hard to believe your DH is regularly approached by women ten years his junior when he’s out with you. I’ve never seen this happen, and what I’ve found to be more common is women exaggerating/misreading the situation to validate to themselves how attractive their man is and therefore by extension how worthy they are.

Mind, if he’s as “hands on” as you describe, perhaps they think you’re swingers and want in on the action 😂

Op sometimes it's true.
Not every good looking man is looking for a model.

It probably varies depending on your social circle/life stage. My friends are all late 30s/early 40s and have young children. For all kinds of reasons (mostly patriarchy) they have less time to exercise and look after themselves than their husbands and get less sleep. As a consequence, lots of them look worse.

I don't think it's uncommon- how many posters on here have DHs off cycling/running/playing sport at the weekend while they look after the kids. Takes its toll.

Why do some people say 'oh I'm sooo ugly' for attention and compliments (even without posting a photo) ??? For the same reason that people claim their DH earns £250K a year, but they earn far less than him at only £150K a year.

They also live in a £1.5 million house, and they are a size 6, and 'tiny', and they went to one of the top 10 universities in the UK.

In addition, their children are beautiful and gifted, and went to Cambridge and Oxford.

Nobody knows them on here, nobody knows who they are, and nobody bloody cares. Yet they still say it. Who are they trying to impress? Honestly, no-one gives a flying fuck.

@Getoffmyshoes

I’m not saying you’re lying I just find it quite hard to believe your DH is regularly approached by women ten years his junior when he’s out with you. I’ve never seen this happen.

What I’ve found to be more common is women exaggerating/misreading the situation to validate to themselves how attractive their man is and therefore by extension how worthy they are. 😂

LOL!!! Agree with this. A few women on here are hilariously deluded. 'Oh myyyyyyy husband is like a Greek God!' PMSL!!! Course he is luv!

Ah Sunshinecake so lovely to see you! This is uncanny as I just thought ti myself today that I should pop back to see you. It's obviously meant to be- there's a sign if I've ever seen one. 😃

100 million % agree with this! ^

don’t forget the child are also “Lean and sporty”. No one EVER admits to having short fat kids on MN

I'm struggling to think of a single man, whether famous or 'real life', whose looks have improved in his 40s or 50s. I genuinely can't think of a single one.

To be fair, very few people, male or female, actually get better looking as they age. But I definitely think that women age better than men in general. I see attractive and stylish women in their 40s, 50s and well above every day. I hardly ever see men about whom I can say the same.

I don't think anyone is fishing for compliments. I think many (women especially) are more critical of themselves than they ever would be about a loved one, friend or even a stranger.

I am overweight and I am always surprised to find out a friend is the same size as me because I think I look at least 2 sizes bigger. My daughter looks very similar to me and I think she is beautiful but I would class myself as below average. I would say my husband is attractive and was surprised when a friend said we were a well matched couple regarding looks. I definitely don't want compliments, I just think low self esteem warps your self image.

Sorry, but in what universe are young women gagging for 51 year old Dave from Accounts or 53 year old Tim who works in the local butchers?

Maybe in their own heads, but not in the real world.

And a well-preserved woman in her 40s or 50s would have zero trouble attracting a younger man. Maybe not for a serious relationship, but for a fling? No problem at all. The same is not true in reverse.

I agree with you that a man in his 50s can easily attract a woman in their 20s is overstating their appeal (for most)

We had a gorgeous male client come in at work, lovely guy, well dressed & clearly worked out. Tbh I wondered if gay but once his wife joined him and was really surprised she wasn't some equally stunning being but very ordinary looking about size 14-16. It was nice, it's much more common to see gorgeous women with less attractive men.

Where are all these 'charismatic and confident' blokes in their 40s and 50s, who 'carry themselves' in a certain way?

I don't see them. Ever. And yes, I would notice.

A man in his50s can indeed attract a woman in her 20s provided he's also got a great bank balance , is well dressed , in good shape and has an interesting job etc.

Actually --still possible just with a huge bank balance.

I once saw Van Morrison walking in Bristol with the lady who was Miss World at the time .

Sounds nasty to say some women are just after a rich bloke-- but some indeed are.