To want my own bed on holiday

[littlepieces]

I'm going to Lisbon for a long weekend in July, meeting up with two great friends I haven't seen for about 4 years; one lives in LA, the other is in Dublin (I'm in London). We booked a villa with four double bedrooms to accommodate LA friend and her husband, their friends (another couple) who I've met a few times and are lovely, then Dublin friend and me would each have our own rooms.

LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone. And possibly some other friend might sleep on the sofa bed for two nights?! This now means me and Dublin friend will be sharing a queen size bed. Now I adore Dublin friend but I'm 35 and want my own bed. Also she's 6'2, snores loads, and is always the one last to bed drunk, and freakishly early to rise. I'm a loser and like my sleep 😄. I'm thinking of suggesting to book my own place, but think this might go down badly. Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

YANBU. LA friend is making arrangements that only inconvenience you, not her.

I hate this kind of thinking and it's not uncommon, unfortunately. I remember a few years ago arranging to meet some American friends in Amsterdam. My friend had booked a 4-bedded room in a cheap hotel and thought it would be fine for her, her DH, her DD, their friend and me to all share one room and bathroom. I stayed at the Radisson Blu, in my own room, with my own bathroom. I was very happy

You need to reply asking where these people will be sleeping as all the rooms are already taken.

When the friend comes back to say you and the other person are going to have to share reply back to say that doesn't work for you, and they need to find somewhere else.

You shouldn't have to change your whole entire break because sometime else didn't think before changing the plans.

I had a nightmare trip to New York a few years ago. It was for someone's birthday. Started with six but grew to 13 as she kept inviting random people. We had six rooms which ended up with one person being selected to sleep on a put up bed in a room of three. Didn't go down well as we'd all paid the same (a lot) for the privilege and the trip went downhill from there especially as the size of the group caused problems with tables in restaurants etc. Never again.

If it doesn't suit you, do what does as this is supposed to be a holiday not an endurance test. Still kicking myself for not bailing out when the arrangements changed.

How was it being split -
If it was being divided by 9 as opposed to 6, it will cost them less.
If you and other single friend were paying a supplement equivalent, so 4 rooms cost divided by you, friend, one couple, second couple (by 4 rather than 6) then YANBU

Then she, or the late additions, should take the sofa bed. What a CF she is to volunteer someone else out of their room and onto the sofa.

WTF difference does the cost make?
However the money side is going to be worked out - OP DOES NOT WANT TO GIVE UP OR SHARE HER ROOM.

How hard is that to understand?

Absolutely reasonable to want your own bed, especially considering that’s what you were expecting when the villa was booked. I wouldn’t want to share with someone who snores. I also think you have to be very close with someone to share a bed, I don’t mean romantically but you want to know that you’re not going to fall out or be embarrassed if one of you is hogging the covers, farting repeatedly in your sleep, if you have a nightmare or kick out at the other person in the night etc. I used to think sharing a bed with other female friends was no big deal even if we weren’t close but I unexpectedly wet the bed with a friend in it on one occasion and she was not kind about it, it damaged the friendship and was awkward, uncomfortable and upsetting for both of us; it’s made me realise sharing a bed can be an intimate thing even if the relationship is platonic, you are very vulnerable in your sleep and aren’t in full control of your subconscious whilst sleeping so now I would only consider sharing a bed with somebody who I trusted implicitly and knew would take anything in their stride which in reality would only be one or two of my very closest friend, and even then only if there was no other choice and it was only for maybe one night.

Im angry on your behalf.

you could suggest if X many bedrooms are now needed for the group, then you should all move to a bigger villa, and they’ll need to check cancellation policy and crack on to find a suitable option. So you don’t look unwelcoming to extra folk on the trip, but you are keeping your bed and room.

Not looking unwelcoming to extra folk (who I don't know) on the trip can get in the bin. The trip is no longer what the OP signed up for and I'd be put out by that part alone, never mind the suboptimal new sleeping arrangements.

LA friend is riflde and needs telling so. Just be clear that you don't fancy sharing and are happy to pay extra for comfort so will be finding somewhere else to stay. Its OK for her as she has a room with her oh but you didn't agree to going away based on sharing a room. You née to speak to her otherwise this will keep happening. Also if you don't know the new couple (you haven't said so) then it will change the dyanamic of the group anyway.

*rude even.

This.

it’s fine for couples to invite loads of more people as it’s not affecting their kip at all!

Say something and say it now.

Sure, but she’s not losing her bed, is she

I would share a room but definitely not a bed!

I am going away with my mum in June and she doesn't like sharing even a room, and not even with me. So we will have our own rooms. It does significantly add to the cost but that's life.

I would reply 'Where are your friends going to be sleeping because much as I love Dublin I don't want to be sharing a bed with her' then put a laughing emoji as if it would be completely hilarious/ridiculous for her to expect you to do such a thing (which frankly it is!). I bet also she would just split the cost by the number of adults so it would be cheaper for everyone including her - but with no negative impact on her. She sounds pretty selfish OP, you're giving her the benefit of the doubt far more than I would.

I wouldn’t be up for sharing a bed either. Wouldn’t be able to relax.
Just message back with the suggested “are they staying nearby/where are they going to sleep?” Or if you are feeling ballsy “wouldn’t it have been polite to discuss this with us first? I need my own room” and then wait for the silence.

2 couples and 2 singles - one of the couples you don't even know!

Totally different dynamic and accommodation arrangements to what you signed up for.
I would contact the organiser:

You "where are they going to stay - have they arranged somewhere nearby?

Organiser "err, no I thought you two singles could bunk up together?"

You (said with consternation) "There seems to be some misunderstanding! - I am having my own room.

-end it with a statement, not a question.

I think it's an American thing. My cousin was most put put when I wouldn't share a bed with her in a hotel for a night, and explained how her and her friends had gone to Las Vegas and three of them had shared one bed with her in the middle . Personally I'd rather have slept in the bath than do that, or in fact book my own room in the cheapest hotel I could find.

Definitely go back to her and use some of the phrases here to say you're not prepared to share a bed.

You and Dublin friend may be better at this point to book your own hotel rooms and just meet them occasionally.

This is a perfect response!

This would piss me right off.
Why has LA friend taken it upon herself to invite one, possibly two, lots of random people. Absolutely not on.
Especially not if the assumption is that you’ll give up your room.
No bloody way would I be giving up my room.
LA friend can share her room with one couple, and the other ransomed, if they come, can go on the sofa.
I’d be making it clear to her : no giving up of my room and that I’m pissed off she’s done this without speaking to us in advance
😕

Dear God no. I can barely tolerate DH in my bed.

Big no for me. I think she’s being rude

I'd be really fed up with that! I think you need to reply all and say you want your own room and bed, but in a nice way. If that's not possible then I think you've got every right to go and find your own space.

By the way - some places that rent out rooms etc are really particular about how many people you can have in there. If they are going to get others to join them they should check on it as they could get caught out.