Terrified of ivf - please can somebody reassure me

[ivfscared]

Hi everyone,

Long story short, I think I'm going to have to have ivf if any hopes of having my own child. Nothing confirmed yet but it looks like I'll be losing at least one Fallopian tube due to endometriosis.

Never in a million years did I think I would have to type that - as I'm sure nobody else does!

I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared of needles. I'm scared of pessaries. Mentally I'm weak.

I'm hugely in shock and just feel devastated, can't drag myself out of rock bottom.

Sorry for the post but I have no one to turn to. Husband is supportive obviously but family are being quite dismissive and avoiding it.

Please can somebody reassure me in some way. Not really sure what I'm asking for here, I'm just heartbroken. I'm 30.

(This post is not intended to cause any offence to anybody so please, please do not get offended by this. I am struggling an astronomical amount and just desperately need support/help).

@Oilyoilyoilgob

That is really shit for you, part of me thinks it's easier if you have a 'reason' but then if the reason can't really be cured then what's the point?! Hope you can make sense of that, either way - we're both in shit situations.

You really did do so well holding that together in front of them!! That's the worst bit - unplanned and just 'deciding to keep it'. Same with my friend too! I am happy for her deep down, but my god is it deeeeeeeeep down :(

You sound so strong and wonderful. I only hope I can be as strong as you xx

Oh that’s so difficult, I’ve been there so many times and I remember how painful it was every time I heard someone else was pregnant. Even now I have my baby I still feel a pang of jealousy when I hear about someone else getting pregnant, especially if it was unplanned! It’s so unfair that it just happens for some people but it takes so much for some of us.

Does your friend know about your situation? I’m sure they would understand if you needed a bit of space / didn’t want to hear too much baby talk etc.

2 rounds of Ivf. Many of the stim drugs are un things which dont even resemble injections and if you learn to inject properly you dont feel them.(the hidden neefles ate tiny anyway). You get used to progesterone pessaries quickly andctheure not a big deal.
Its obvioudly a medicalised way of having a baby but never loose sight if the fact its for a baby.thst motivates you massively . A good consultant will make your journey so much easier so select wisely. It makes an incredible diffetence .you will be fine..fingets ctissed yor a baby soon!

Tbh I found IVF much less physically challenging than all the endless functional shagging required when TTC the natural way .

The injections aren’t anything like vaccination injections. Teeny ultra-fine needle in a pen, jab it into a roll of tummy fat, hurts less than plucking an eyebrow.

It’s all the waiting that is the killer.

Admittedly not rtft. Seem upu havexsuspecyed hydtosalapix. Are they propising salpingectomy? If dobthey can habe a good clear up of the other side. Adhedions which form can intetfere with the progress of an eeg towards the good tube.
Have they done a die test? A radiologust injects cintrast dye inyo the vagina and it should feed ip the tubes. The look at it with a special tipe of xray.ir will confirm if you can ttc nturally. Sorty if this has already been discussed. Hope it helps

The cycogest pessaries were vaginal when i used them. Iinitially tried progestetine injections. I do jot recomnend asking fir this. They are in a thick oil suspendion and despite the fact im damned yough these wete so oainfil i couldnt even complete them. The oessaries ate tiny and dlipperycand melt instanuly. You will truly be fine.

@ivfscared no I completely get you-I don’t know which is worse - a reason or no reason? It’s something that I’m still massively struggling with-no particular cause. I could go down an absolute rabbit hole of tests, again that might happen after this round but to be honest I’m tired of this journey, and kind of want to get off! That’s very kind re strength, this journey has had me on my knees with depression but I’m coming through it now with self care-gym, massages, learning a new skill and beauty treatments.

Fir a long time I self punished myself and linked infertility equals not worthy. That’s just simply not true and I tell myself everyday I am a worthy, caring, loving woman and there is so much more to me than infertility and trying to be a mum!

Besides @HaveringWavering is completely right! I’ve found Ivf far less gruelling than the endless sex/self insemination rounds we did, when I started my jabs last November and this month it felt quite relieving to relinquish the making a baby role to other people!

Whatever your outcome, I truly hope you get through this ok. Please, please remember to do all the things that right now you enjoy-be it tv, reading, exercise, beauty, gym etc-don’t lose sight of yourself and MUST look after yourself xx

Once you get over the mental block of the needles, the injections are not too bad. You get used to that.

However, if you describe yourself as mentally weak then that is your biggest barrier. There is a lot of uncertainty in IVF in every stage and when a cycle doesn't work it does take super human strength not to break. My suggestion would be to work more on emotional resilience.

@GlamGiraffe

Gyno hasn't discussed a lot with me yet - mentioned at my appointment that I've got to have hsg, hysterocopy and laparoscopy. Thinks I might have polyps as well as endo. Then mentioned fluid on one of the tubes but was unsure about the other. Did say that it might have cleared up on it's own but didn't seem overly convinced.

I could be hugely jumping to conclusions by thinking I'll lose both tubes and have to have ivf. From what I've read online hydrosalpinx normally affects both tubes so I've just assumed both tubes will be coming out if it is that. Again, I'm not sure if the doctor can have made a mistake in thinking there's fluid or not. I don't know anything about things like this so it's all really distressing to read about :(

@HaveringWavering

That's definitely a good point 😂😂 sex feels like a science experiment at this stage already!!!

omg, you are not in a good place with the fear. The fear is normal in this circumstance. However, if there is no way out then rest assured in the fact that ivf has come a long way from being a postcode lottery. To reduce the risk of having to do an unsuccessful cycle, choose a clinic which does research, lookup the doctor's profile if it's pvt, ensure that you ask why ur being given the prescribed dosage and if that needs to change, insist on more scans to monitor progress and change dosage. Just go and read the lovely cards that parents have sent to any such clinic post having a baby. That might strengthen your resolve.

@OliRules

Thank you. I think the thing that's doing me the most is the prospect of having to lose both tubes and then ivf being the only way possible and it still not working.

If I had both my tubes still with endometriosis, at least I might get pregnant naturally. But without my tubes it's impossible. It's the impossible I can't cope with :(

I think I'd have to get ivf on the nhs too as not in a financial position for private. Is this still a good option or is private much better?

I can't do anything until I've had the laparoscopy too so I feel like it's years away :(

I think it differs depending on where you are, but I had my first round on the NHS and they outsourced to a private clinic so it was exactly the same as the treatment I received when we went private after that.

@RunnerDuck2020
That's interesting. I'd obviously rather go private but I just don't think it's possible financially xx

Both NHS and Pvt are equal if you use a good facility. A pvt patient in 80% of the cases (as there are v few exclusive pvt ivf hospitals in the country) will go to the same facilities that NHS patient goes to. Try and choose the trust/hospital carefully. Look at their history of IVF dept, if they do research, are they affiliated to a larger trust/research if they aren't very big in size. Do they have support staff available on phone in the weekends if you are confused about your dosage or something goes wrong. Once a pvt patient has paid at a NHS run facility, there is no separate queue for the pvt patient. All are in the same boat. There is a HUGE difference in NHS and PVT maternity wards but not in IVF.
Also, this is 9 months ahead but go for a C-section if IVF is what helps you succeed. You might already be scarred from the IVF process and a C-section will give you some surety. Just go for delivery carrying your best handbag, nice shoes and chic clothes and get the job done and enjoy

@OliRules

Luckily (or unluckily - who knows anymore!) I've only ever wanted one child so if I do have to go down this route I will be thrilled if it results in a child. Whereas I know for others who want more it is continual treatment.

Where do I find information out about the hospital? I'm in the midlands.

I'd not even considered a c section. Is this preferred for ivf babies due to risk or because it's less mentally damaging?

Xx

Omg another friends pregnant!! Literally couldn't make this up 😭

You'll begin to think this post is fake by the end of the day 😭😭

Ask your GP which hospitals your council offer you as options for IVF. Call them up and ask them what is the waiting time to start treatment. This will depend on the queue and also the fact that they want to regulate your cycle so you might have a slight wait. As with other procedures, dec and jan are the worst time to do this as you have hardly any doctor cover or a big queue of people with new year resolutions. Do some online research on the places your gp advises. PM me directly if you want me to help with this effort - I am not midlands based but will try and do a good job of it.

A C section isn't mandatory and isn't linked to IVF. It is linked to your general risk or preferred method. I would advise a C section for the lack of hassle. Just eat well and exercise post your C section also to ensure you feel good about your body.

@OliRules

Thank you so much for all of your help and advice. I'm going to have a look at it all online today and also try to find a therapist to help.

I always said when I was younger I'd opt for a c section. I am slightly higher risk (had heart problems) so this would probably sway me. Xx