Terrified of ivf - please can somebody reassure me

[ivfscared]

Hi everyone,

Long story short, I think I'm going to have to have ivf if any hopes of having my own child. Nothing confirmed yet but it looks like I'll be losing at least one Fallopian tube due to endometriosis.

Never in a million years did I think I would have to type that - as I'm sure nobody else does!

I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared of needles. I'm scared of pessaries. Mentally I'm weak.

I'm hugely in shock and just feel devastated, can't drag myself out of rock bottom.

Sorry for the post but I have no one to turn to. Husband is supportive obviously but family are being quite dismissive and avoiding it.

Please can somebody reassure me in some way. Not really sure what I'm asking for here, I'm just heartbroken. I'm 30.

(This post is not intended to cause any offence to anybody so please, please do not get offended by this. I am struggling an astronomical amount and just desperately need support/help).

I need gas and air for smears and am I am unable to use tampons. However the pessaries that I thought I wouldn’t be able to use were absolutely fine. I think because they are so thin.

One of the things that most surprised me when we were told we were infertile is how widespread it was. Our social circle is mostly people DH works with and their spouses and his workplace basically outed us to everyone we were geographically close to. So many of those women reached out to tell me they had struggled with infertility or miscarriages. It really opened my eyes at a time I felt really alone.

I honestly can't thank you all enough, I wish I could hug you all.

You are all providing such massive, massive, huge, astronomical comfort!

I feel very alone with this in real life, husband is very supportive but family are pretending it's not happening and avoiding my questions! So to have all of these comments has made me feel so much more positive 💜💜

Personally I preferred doing the injections myself rather than having DH doing it - it felt like it was in my control. And yes pessaries taken rectally are far less messy!

Hi bless you

ive had 5 ivf cycles, 3 fresh 2 fet

plus mock rounds and era

Took 10yrs in all but finally got my one and only bfp and dd is now just 5

happy to answer any worries if you want to message me

the injections aren’t that bad, dh wanted to get involved bless him and do some but he wasn’t very good and hurt more

but if makes you feel better let your partner help but you may feel more in control if you do

pessaries really easy to insert

having one tube may not mean ivf. 💐💐

I am going to be very open because maybe it will help you - if not there are plenty of other posters here as well who have also gone through it.

I had IVF several times. First time had to stop because adverse reaction to the meds, then two failed cycles, then eventually a good one that resulted in a child.

IVF is medically not that big a deal. (My doctors confirmed this when I made that observation.)

I understand and respect there's a huge amount of uncertainty, wishing, mental stress and agonizing for many women (and their partners), that is compounded by the sense that they have only a few chances, limited budgets, or administrative hurdles. Which is why, despite having done IVF myself four times, I would never usually say this, because I respect that it can feel like a medically dangerous/high-risk/... thing. But to me, it didn't. And my doctors/nurses confirmed this was actually a pretty accurate way of looking at the medical side of it.

Perhaps (?) this can help you distinguish a bit between the mental burden of childlessness and the medical burden of IVF, and help you reframe IVF in a more positive way: most of the anxiety that is attributed to IVF is in fact the mental burden of unwanted childlessness - IVF hammers that home, perhaps, but it is a medically quite alright procedure that might just help you solve the problem.

Washing you all the best and lots of courage in the process xx

I had IVF. DD is now 14.
I am not keen on needles and I did find that stressful so I bribed myself with chocolate! I also can do tampons, but managed the pessaries. I did find it very stressful, especially the lead up to egg collection and the two week wait. One of the things I found most stressful was knowing that there was a big chance it would not work, so we planned fun things to do it it failed. We were lucky that our first try did. ( our second failed). Good luck xxx

My pessaries were vaginal - utrogestan , cyclogest you can use front or back.

Honestly I was worried about the needles too! But trust me they are tiny! I had a bag full of frozen peas at the ready, preped the needle, then held the peas on stomach for a short time them, just thought of how far I've come then pocked that sucker in! Didn't even feel a thing! And like after others have said you won't even give it a second thought the next time! Made myself comfy on the bed before I did it too 😊

Thank you all so much again, my mindset has changed and I am feeling much more positive.

@Zezet

That is definitely helpful to know. I was always under the assumption that Ivf is a huge, unnatural medical procedure that is physically very difficult. I understand mentally is going to be much harder than physically but it is still very good to hear that the actual procedure isn't actually that harsh.

@daysfilledwithdappledlight
Would you mind sharing with me what lead for you to have suspected hydrosalpinx please ? It's ok if not, I'm just very interested (and hopeful) that mine might not be that after all too. X

Thanks again ladies, so grateful 🥰x

If you're like me you'll find the needles more of an annoyance than scary after a couple of days. I was very lucky that IVF worked first time though, so needles(s) to say it was worth it.

I haven’t read the full thread, but had a lot of IVF and do have some tips. What I would say is that it’s ok, I didn’t love it (!) but it’s ok and you will cope.

My tips;

1. take each day at a time. It seems quite overwhelming but each day you only ever have to do one new thing - fill in some forms, have a jab, have a scan etc. Each bit alone is very managable.
2. plan some fun stuff so your life doesn’t become overwhelmed by IVF. Still go for nice meals, or days out or whatever so you have nice things to look forward to.
3. sort out your diet etc if needed - so you don’t have any guilt if it doesn’t work first time. So reduce caffeine and alcohol, increase protein etc (it starts with the Egg is good on this)
4. talk openly and honestly about it with people you trust - including work if possible - so you don’t feel shame. It’s much better if you can share it. And you will be amazed by how many others are also having ivf. In our NCT group 5 of 11 babies were ivf.
5. Think about your mental health - and consider if you need therapy or acupuncture or podcasts etc to help you. I did acupuncture and podcasts.

its ok to be scared, but you will be ok.’

I feel for you OP. I never thought I'd need IVF either. To be honest the actual physical needles bit was the easy part. Yes to ice and getting your husband to do it.

I found the IVF boards on here tremendously helpful and made some good friends.

Age is on your side. Good luck 🤞

Thank you again ladies.

On another note, my friend has just told me she is pregnant (not even been trying) and it's killed me :( now I feel so bitter :(

Could you afford to talk to a psychologist/therapist who specialises in fertility stuff? That really helped me deal with both the practicalities but also the emotional stuff of other people being pregnant etc.

I think with most things related to anxiety the thought of it is much worse than really doing it. When you're in the thick of it you will cope and just get on with it. Good luck.

For the injection, I had a gun thingy, which sounds terrifying, but basically meant I didn’t see the injection which made it less scary.

a good clinic will understand that some people find medical procedures scary, and without wishing to sound blasé, you really do get used to being poked and prodded.

I hope you get your miracle, my miracle has just reached the teenage years!

@ivfscared I was terrified and devastated about our referral for IVF. I don't think there's any shame in feeling this way, especially when you see those around you getting to choose how many children and when to have them.

There are some brilliant social media pages for support around having difficulty conceiving - my favourite is Alice Rose (her handle is thisisalicerose).

My DH did all of my injections for me. Every single one. I just couldn't do it. I bought a cold pack on amazon and kept it in the fridge. It really helped.

We were given 3 free counselling sessions per cycle which isn't many really. We ended up paying to carry it on as we found it so helpful.

I went to acupuncture and found that so helpful for my mental health
The acupuncturist saw lots of women through IVF and had a lovely manner. I didn't have to pretend I was fine with her.

DH and I had only been married for 12 months when we were referred. I'm now 15 weeks pregnant (still terrified) after 2 egg collections and 3 embryo transfers. The whole experience has been unbelievably tough but it has brought us even closer; we know that whatever the future holds our marriage is completely solid. (sorry if that is cheesy)

@orchidsunrise

I think I've definitely got to see a therapist regardless.
After posting this a few days ago and seeing all the lovely responses from people I genuinely felt a lot stronger and more positive. Then finding this out tonight about my friend has absolutely floored me, I literally feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

@CurbsideProphet

Thank you so much.

Not cheesy at all, I get it completely. Xx

In remember that feeling.

Its not that bad. Honestly, the needle bit is quite easy. The first few days, I cried like a baby then i got on with it. It doesn't hurt. It stings a bit but it's like sticking a needle in warm butter.

Ice pack on the tummy will numb it

Cook a nice dinner as a treat to have after the injection

Keep a clear diary so you can be home every evening for the injections

Hi OP! I’m on my second round of ivf-ttc nearly 3 years now with no baby.

I had to have a hysteroscopy before ivf last august for a possible fibroid-had a great experience as I was crapping myself but the nurses and doctor couldn’t have been more awesome.

I was petrified about ivf, just the whole thing (bar the needles!) but it was fine-I actually feel better and waaaaay more relaxed this second time ☺️ I’m not scared of needles and have given myself every jab-I felt more in control.

I’m on ovaleap into my thigh, tiny skinny needle-I can’t feel it! Just started my fyremadel into my tummy tonight and my body doesn’t like it as much-hurts a bit for 5 mins with red skin.

ovaries are prickling and a bit sore but fine-I did a yoga class tonight! Expect I’ll have an egg collection next Monday.
I was petrified of egg collection-have a huge medical setting phobia but again, everyone was awesome. My lovely consultant came in-he’s so nice and spent time chatting to me-the sedation is amazing and the best part of ivf for me 😅 all anxiety taken away, I loved it ha!

Hope this helps put you at ease, I’m in this cycle feeling great, yes some slight pain but nothing awful. Take the first round as a test run and a ‘getting used to it’ cycle and if you get lucky that’s an amazing bonus.

It’s a hard journey, wishing you all the very best ☺️

Oh sorry I’ve just seen your update. Yeah that’s shit, been there so many times over the 3 years for us.

it’s a completely natural feeling-when it’s happened to me I feel floored, angry, jealous, bitter-you name it, I’ve felt it.

Sending big hugs, this feeling will go but I’ve found it best to allow them and sit with them-no point denying these feelings, it’s completely understandable.

life isn’t fair, infertility isn’t fair but I promise you’ll pick yourself up and start feeling ok.

big hugs x

@Oilyoilyoilgob

Thank you for reaching out.

I'm pleased to hear you are having a positive experience with ivf.

Do you have a diagnosis of endometriosis too? I've got a hysterocopy coming up in the future but I'm not sure what it is for.

Xx

@Oilyoilyoilgob

Just saw your second reply - thank you. Xxxx

Currently in bed crying :)

@ivfscared no diagnosis, just unexplained which is crap! I’m 40.5, haven’t drank in 18 months (only had 2-4 glasses of red a month) so no biggie stopping drinking, don’t smoke, no drugs, bmi 26 and still losing weight.

no fibroid, high amh but not polycystic ovaries, good hormone levels-it all really pisses me off because apart from one takeaway a week I’m healthy. For various reasons we started trying late (age 37) so it’s maybe my eggs? We have two Frosties from last cycle so I think this will be our last fresh, we’ll then try frozen (if they defrost ok!) then we’ve chatted about donor eggs and/or surrogacy. We’ll cross that bridge later on.

our last shock was our best friends nye-we we’re out in a crowd and she started crying and they told us they found out two days prior. Unplanned and ‘we only decided today to keep it’ I have to say how I didn’t sob in front of them I don’t know. I then had to spend hours acting normal and only cried when they went to bed. I honestly felt like I’d been sucker punched in my body, it nearly physically winded me.

They're such good friends but whenever they send us update/bump pictures I get the MST terrible feelings and just cry-proper big heaving crying. So I honestly, honestly know how you feel.
Ive told my husband he’ll have to field anything coming through on messenger from them until after this cycle has finished-I’m in quite a good place and I can’t have that impacted.

So sorry for what you’re going through. It’s shit but have a wallow then try and look after yourself. You’ll amaze yourself I’m sure with how you get on, we’re much stronger than we think and you’ll get by just taking it day by day and looking after yourself in ways that suit you and your lifestyle xx